BlurredBoundaries Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I saw another thread here about group therapy hatred & another member said something to effect of - your general hatred of people is probably permanent. I didn't want to hijack that thread so I thought I should start a new one here.I wouldn't say I hate everyone but, I really don't like most people.I think most people are fake, boring, or just stupid.I know I'm not that great of a person, trust me! But I just don't understand how most people enjoy the company of other people. Is it possible for me to learn to like people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Emperor Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I didn't like people before. that was dumb. People are interesting creatures and they can be endearing and happy and bring other people joy even when viewpoints differ, in which case one person might be able to learn something from the other or the other way around. People can have bad qualities. People ARE NOT just their bad qualities, assuming these bad qualities don't make them heartless, in which scenario I would run for the fucking hills. Some people are going to rub me the wrong way. They all have something to them other than that annoying shit I see. Sometimes I don't like someone because I'm actually jealous of them. <---THAT ONE takes forever to realize. Either way, I was bitter and hated people before. They aren't all out to get me. I don't have to be super close with people to still enjoy them and laugh with them. They improve the quality of my life, not make it worse. Now I genuinely like people for the most part. Even if they make me nervous. Meeting people is a learning opportunity. It's neat. And I never thought I would say that shit, hahaha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlurredBoundaries Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Thanks for sharing that Emperor. It gives me hope that it's possible but, do you mind if I ask how? Like what changed your mind? Did you just go about it with a different frame of mind, or was it therapy, or just you changing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zxrtpky7g Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I think whether or not it is permanent depends on your personality and environment. For me, it will probably be permanent. But maybe not for you. I think you yourself can learn to like people if you can find the right people to surround yourself with. If you can find people who can have smart discussions with you that are honest and not fake, then you could begin to like people. It takes a bit of time and patience, but it is possible to find the right people. You have to try to find people that make you feel good. Finding people is not easy, but it is not impossible. Liking people also begins with the desire to like people. I think that is the first step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Emperor Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 It wasn't therapy, somehow. It was weird. I just realized that I was always interested in other people, their lives, experiences and thought process and once I figured that out I couldn't say I hated them anymore because, really, they're pretty fucking neat. It was a shit ton of stuff, really. Once I liked me better, I liked them better. They weren't as threatening or scary or anything like that. That's probably where the jealousy bit came in a little. Also, I've kind of always been a "one of the guys" kind of girl, so I'd get irritated with girlie girls. I made up this thing in my head where they were all probably fake and materialistic and vain and I was somehow better. I'm not. They look nice and pretty and confident and I wanted to be like that. They have more substance than I thought. Why, just like me yet better dressed! Haha. It was a lot of shit I had to just kind of look at on my own, really. When people challenge me, I get defensive. When that happens, I ask myself WHY. Sometimes the times I have been the most pissed off at an accusation was when it was true and I didn't want to see it. Or it fucks with one of my insecurities. <---that helped them to be less threatening in my mind. Like I said, they can teach me something. Whether it's that I've been an asshole or that I should change the way I respond to things. Whatever. People just aren't all GOOD or all BAD. I still don't like being AROUND people much because I am an introvert. But I like them. I'm not outgoing and I don't want to BE with people much, but I find them to be just fine for the most part. I have 4 close friends including my SO and twin sister, so not a lot. Liking people doesn't mean I have to like being around them all the time or in great quantities. Some people fucking suck. Most people I could probably find at least a few things that I like about them. Opened my mind a bit was all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissaw72 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 The thing for me is that I don't hate people (well, most of them at least); I hate being around people. And people who I feel smothered by, who call a lot, or whatever. As long as they leave me alone and I can do my own thing, I don't have that big of a problem with people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpladybug Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I think it is possible to become less judgemental and more understanding of people but a misanthrope will never become an outgoing people person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 When I feel that I hate people, what it really means is that I hate myself, or some aspect of myself and that I feel poorly about it. And I hate or am scared that other people will pick up on it and target me. So, for me, being more tolerant of being around other people has really been about learning self-compassion and self-acceptance and coping with a pervasive sense of shame that I have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirazh Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 I used to be a large misanthrope. Conversely, I was way more social at the time. Not being depressed all the time helps a lot. Keeping myself to a more "safer space" when it seems like the world is full of bigoted judgemental ignorant assholes, well, that can help too. Sometimes it can get a little overwhelming, being mentally ill, disabled, autistic, queer, aromantic, poly, homoflexible, pagan, broke (as in, no money,) applying for social assistance... sometimes the shit out there or the crap that I get thrown my way even from well meaning people just has me wanting to punch things. Or people. Being more picky and selective about my social circle is a big one. Intelligent folks who're themselves, not afraid to be themselves, and don't shit on me for being myself. Opening my eyes to the world of social justice was both a help and a hindrance. It's helped me to understand people better and more willingly. It's also opened my eyes to the horrid extend of sexism, racism, heterosexism, cissexism, classism, ableism, and other shitty things that are so fucking pervasive everywhere (including the assumptions I've had to weed and prune out of myself.) But in the end I'm glad I've done so rather than not. But yeah for me personally when I start getting all upset about the world being full of fake poseurs, I'm quite possibly flipping episodic again. That's just me though, not saying it's indicative of anything for you or anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintalto Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Now days I love people more than I hate them. I used to just hate people, though, and that was it. Love and empathy are the two positive things bipolar gave me. My childhood had thoroughly squashed any love I had in my heart and mood swings were the only thing that resurrected it. I would not be in the relationship I'm in had I not learned again to love and feel for others. So, I guess I would say no, hatred isn't set in stone. Unfortunately, it is not easily banished either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crtclms Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I used to love socializing. Then my anxiety really set in. Now, it makes me anxious. Even my best friend, after a couple of hours, I want to get away from her. I hate "people," but that doesn't necessarily preclude my liking an individual "person" among the "people." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlurredBoundaries Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) Thank you everybody! It took me a while to respond cause honestly, what WinterRosie said kind of blew my mind.I thought to myself, "yea, logically, that makes sense" but I couldn't put my finger on how exactly that applied to me.Then I thought about it more & I thought "Well duh! Those three adjectives I used to describe other people are the exact same adjectives I would use on myself (fake, boring & stupid) and those are the things I would be afraid other people finding out about me.You nailed it WinterRosie. I have hope now,that this can change once I learn to truley accept and like/love myself. Thank you to everyone-it's like you guys totally answered one of the golden questions of life.It's so obvious but it's really not. Wow! I had a breakthrough thanks to all of you! Thank you!:-) Edited March 10, 2014 by BlurredBoundaries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 No, it's not obvious at all. I think it took me about four years to figure out, and I'm sure there was a years' worth of therapy in there. I'm glad that I could save you some of that time. I tend to think that if anyone (myself included) truly hated other people... well, we wouldn't be hanging out in supportive forums. We'd be more likely to be 4chan trolls. Since you're here, and keep coming back, that means that you don't truly hate people - I don't think, anyway. If we extend that, then I think that it's possible to learn how to co-exist with other people in our lives without it causing untold grief and misery. Chances are that we'd need to learn some skills or something, but that's do-able, even if it's painful going at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Czernobog Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 But I just don't understand how most people enjoy the company of other people. Same here. I don't get how people can enjoy spending time with each other, or going to group gatherings. For years I've wanted to pass around questionnaires to my family members and their friends, asking "do you really like being around other people, or do you only go because it matters to you for some other reason?" I think they must really enjoy it, and get recharged by it, but I can't relate to that. That, I probably won't ever be able to change. Introversion seems to be hard written into my makeup. I think it is possible to change the way that we see people, though, especially if the will is there. I'm a misanthrope, to an extent. I don't hate all people, but I find it hard to like or get along with a lot of them. I think I'll always be this way, somewhat. There are people I do like, though, and that's gotten better as I've aged and learned to listen to myself better, if that helps. I've gone from avoiding all people on general principle, to giving them a chance if I encounter them. I may never like it, but when I talk to someone new they don't automatically start with a strike against them just because they're a person. Progress can take awhile, but I do think you'll make yours, seeing as you want it and you've figured out a goal to help you get there. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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