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Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder recently, it made me think about what others go through cos I have a less severe form (type II). I've only recently begun to swing from depression to hypomania so I haven't done a lot of bad stuff. But I did start out with constantly following people around for hours, throwing chairs at people, flirting with and seducing my friends with my highs, and cutting myself and basically wanting to die with my lows.

 

Would anyone like to share their experiences? I'm kind of new here and I thought "why not?".

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Thanks for replying! It must be horrible to have lived out your teenage years without medication, though I am happy that you're noticing a difference in your life and I hope you get better soon. Thanks for sharing!

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I was first medicated at 13 or maybe just turned 14. I didn't take the pills for long though. Then I think I was 18 when I was diagnosed depression and anxiety. Then 22 as bipolar then 25 correctly as schizoaffective bipolar type. That's when the voices got bad and paranoia got unbearable. And I was not even manic or depressed. Just terribly psychotic.

I was in and out of state hospitals for years and years. Unfortunately. I am 30 now and I have been out of the inpatient hospital 5 months. I hope to make it a year or more at least.

I'm finally on meds that help somewhat. I just have to learn to stick to this combo. It's not easy.

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Welcome to CB! 

 

I'm 24 and have bipolar 1 and my life story is one complete disaster after the other, forever and ever amen. Moving cities, dropping out of multiple universities, countless lost friendships, countless hospitalizations, a few arrests, multiple suicide attempts, psychosis, endless med changes, etc. etc. The usual story :P.

Edited by hagar running

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Welcome to crazyboards! I've found these forums a great place to feel not so alone.

 

I'll try to make my story short. I was first in therapy for "depression" at age 10, first psychiatric medication when I was 12 for ADD, started to SI around age 14, became psychotic at 15, hospitalized for the first time at 16 and diagnosed Bipolar-I around this time, IOP at 16/17, lots of college fuck ups after high school (never earned a degree but went to a lot of school), hospitalized again in 2009, another IOP in some winter I can't recall, finally dropped out of college for good a couple years ago, recently was on short term disability to go into in a partial hospitalization and IOP this fall. I'm 28 now. There's been lots of meds and lots of pdocs and tdocs and lots of me being non-compliant. Still struggling.

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I was diagnosed at 19 and I am now 30. I've been good little patient and have been completely compliant with treatment to mixed results. It gives me low symptom points here and there. I'm still waiting for a stable period, a real one that lasts more than a month or so (max for me is a few months). Because of this illness, I can't hold down a job. I'm also utterly dependant on everyone around me. Maybe one day this will be different. I hope so. 

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BP NOS.  Irritable hypomanias only (not euphoric.)  Medicating the hell out of myself (as per doc's orders) to stop a hypo episode in its tracks at the moment.  Anger, anxiety, irritability, hatred of the world and most of the people in it, increased gender dysphoria, hating most of my music, agitation like WOAH but no ability to direct it anywhere, cranky as fuck, eh.

 

Diagnosed two years ago at the age of 26. Two months prior to that in a hypomanic episode that was exacerbated by being on Lexapro/Cipralex (at the time we thought it was just anxiety... nope!  Hypomania,) I ended up physically assaulting someone.  That was rather enough of an impetus to keep me sticking to my treatment like glue, and accepting my diagnosis immediately.  CB here has helped me a lot through that period and other things.

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First diagnosed Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety at 15, self harm and Borderline Personality Disorder shortly after. 2 suicide attempts, SH and 3 inpatient hospital stays between then and 20. Ups, downs, agitation and anxiety ruled my life ever since.. From last Jan to March was a hypo/mixed episode (swing between the both) a calm period from end march, April. From may to oct a big depressive episode. Was rehospitalised last July to Oct another attempt (day leave) got sectioned also in that time. Was readmitted end of Oct to Dec and diagnosed Bipolar 2 when an anti depressant triggered a big hypomanic episode. Was then discovered the tricyclic I was on last jan triggered the whole spiral of mess and so had previous AD's. Still trying to stabilize.

I feel for you. I hope things sort out quickly for you x

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My shit first began at about thirteen with a psychotic break. People were reading my thoughts. This led to further paranoia which made me into somewhat of a 'hoarder' (refusing to throw anything away out of fear that it would come back to bite me in the ass). At about thirteen I also had my first bipolar freak out.

 

The mood swings and paranoia persisted throughout my teens. At fifteen I went to my mom asking if I could go see a doctor about 'things' (I didn't want to divulge too much information about my delusions out of fear for being laughed at). She said I was "fine"... but I got a punching bag out of it, which was a great outlet for my agitated upswings.

 

I am very prone to mixed states and at nineteen, after about a week or so into a mixed episode, I broke. The years that followed sucked. I too jumped from college to college. In my hypomania I tend to start things that I think will help me better my life, but due to the racing ideas and the frustration that comes along with moving form one thing to the next, in combination with crashing I never seem to finish anything and to this day haven't made much of anything out of my life.

 

In my early twenties, after briefly using painkillers, I took up drinking to deal with all of it. Needless to say the alcohol did more harm than good, ultimately leading me to attempt attempting suicide at twenty-one. I say, "attempt attempting" because I found myself in the kitchen with a butcher knife being pulled two different directions by my brain... part of me said to plunge the knife into my heart because there was no coming back from the shithole I had created for myself. The other part said, You're still young! You can turn it around! Ultimately I finally put the knife down and felt like a tremendous pussy for not doing it.

 

For years I was best friends with a girl with BPD and between the two of us, our friends had their hands full. I really feel that we kept each other as sane as possible. Having a buddy who knows what it is like to live with mental illness - though stressful at times - can be a real lifesaver, which is why I am happy there are places like CB for peer support.

 

I quit drinking at twenty-two and moved back home. Luckily I have a nice family who is willing to put up with me. Even if they aren't fully understanding about what is going on in my head, at least they care enough to stand in solidarity with me in my efforts to get treatment. I am finally being treated for all of this stuff after living with it for the last fifteen years and it feels good to know that I am taking steps toward getting my shit together (at long last). The mood swings, the drinking and not being able to figure out my life has caused me to lose a lot of friends. But, hey, one thing and one day at a time, right?

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Diagnosed at 14 during a depressive episode.. hospitalized a lot between 17 and 23, ECT at 23, last hospitalized at 29, October 2013.. Was switched to "schizoaffective, bipolar type". I was psychotic a lot late 2013-early 2014. Now on depot injections for psychosis, an agreement my GP, pdoc and I came to. It helps a lot. Currently somewhat stable, a little hypo. Had some rough years, some decent times. Quit drugs July 17, 2010.

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I first got seriously depressed when I was 12 years old and started seeing a pdoc as well as taking ADs at that time, too. I spent the next six or so years all over the place because I was misdiagnosed with MDD and my pdoc at the time would only prescribe antidepressants alone which made me worse. I had my first hospitalization around age 14/15 where it became obvious other things were going on, but it was still ignored.

 

A week before my 18th birthday I ran away from home to live with a much older man I met online and was very obviously severely manic, but still it was ignored by my pdoc after I came home and had an appt with her. I eventually switched to a new one and was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder (at first it was type II, not sure of the reasoning) and was then able to try other medications. I had another mania later that year where I was incredibly hypersexual and engaged in some risky activity, dropped out of college after two weeks, and various other out of character things. I guess at that point I became type I. Over the years things have progressively gotten worse (rapid cycling and psychosis), but I've also become somewhat more aware of myself and my symptoms which helps with attempting to prevent further damage.

I didn't spend as much time wrongly diagnosed or undiagnosed as many do, so I'm thankful for that, but those years that the mania and bipolar symptoms were ignored I only got worse. I know it's hard to dx BP in adolescence so I try not to feel anger over it, but it's hard. I wonder where I'd be had I been allowed to try more appropriate medications. Now at age 22, I'm pretty treatment resistant and am getting referred for ECT because nothing is working and I'm running out of time. I don't know if better treatment during those early years would have really made a difference or if I would've gotten worse anyway, but it's hard to stop saying 'what if'.

I wish the best for you and your treatment and I hope you find CB to be a valuable resource, too!

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