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Guys what do you think I am doing wrong?


madmax15
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It seems I am somehow upsetting people without knowing it. I seriously need help.

An example Just today there were 4 people in the smokers area I sort of knew. I came to join them and I said hello ect. Then nearly straight after 3 of them got up and moved without saying anything. I thought to myself WTF! Did I do something?? This is seriously f"cked.

I don't like to make eye contact with people and some people say I ask too many questions. Could that be it.

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What else did you say to them other than "hello"?

How are you going?

OTOH

I feel ppl are talking behind my back. I get a vibe from others I did something wrong. Dirty looks ect.

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Was this at your job? NOPE. Did they say anything at all to you before they left? NOPE

Honestly, they sound likes assholes. Fuck 'em.

Honestly this keeps on happening to me no matter where I am. Maybe I'M the asshole. Maybe I'M doing something to provoke it?

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I doubt it. Sitting down and saying hi doesn't seem especially rude or provocative. 

 

But, I do get things like this too, especially when I'm symptomatic, like now. It's like "normal" people can sense that I'm off and they avoid me. I don't know if it's all in my head or not, but I do feel it. 

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But, I do get things like this too, especially when I'm symptomatic, like now. It's like "normal" people can sense that I'm off and they avoid me. I don't know if it's all in my head or not, but I do feel it.

Yes my whole life people avoid me coz I am a bit off but funny how If -> i <- think someone is "off" I avoid them so I can see where they are coming from.

Edited by nirvanasongz13
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sometimes body language makes a difference.

Mine or theirs?

 

 

I was thinking maybe yours ... maybe there is some way you do something that makes them go away?  but it is hard to say because I wasn't there to see you.  But like said above, I doubt you did anything wrong ...  there is nothing wrong with you just saying hi and asking how someone is doing.

 

Were you manic or anything out of the ordinary for you when you went up to them to say hi?  I honestly don't think you did anything wrong, and like I said, it is hard to know what happened because I wasn't there to see what you are describing.

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IDK but really I've tried to find out before(asking why people are avoiding me) and it freaked people out and made the sitiation worse....

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It was just today I was at a social gathering for people who have mental health issues.

The same people from 2 weeks ago today seemed not so friendly.

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FWIW, if you attitude in real life is akin to your online attitude, it gives a basis, right or wrong, for at least some of your ongoing complaints re: people suck in and around you life.

 

You are dismissive of others opinions, experiences, and thoughts. You alter your own opinion to match your current rant. You are less than accepting when someone expresses an opinion that is opposed to yours. You seemingly find everyone annoying and their thoughts and concerns less meaningful and less important than your own.

 

Your posting online is dismissive, if it is the same in real life, well, there you have it.

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FWIW, if you attitude in real life is akin to your online attitude, it gives a basis, right or wrong, for at least some of your ongoing complaints re: people suck in and around you life.

You are dismissive of others opinions, experiences, and thoughts. You alter your own opinion to match your current rant. You are less than accepting when someone expresses an opinion that is opposed to yours. You seemingly find everyone annoying and their thoughts and concerns less meaningful and less important than your own.

Your posting online is dismissive, if it is the same in real life, well, there you have it.

Arrogance?

The same thing(people avoid me) happens no matter where I am..

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This is a really difficult topic for a text-based medium as no one here can see how you present. All of your anecdotes are filtered through you. And come from your perspective. So we can't be objective about since, since everything is coming through your subjective experience.

If it really bothers you then you'll have to go IRL for answers. And therapy can be an excellent way for both the answers, and the skills to make lasting change that you're happy with. You could try self-help books, but they can be hit-and-miss. Forum posts are even more hit-and-miss and doubly so when there is MI to contend with as well.

Do you have a care provider right now? This would be an excellent question to put to them.

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The same thing(people avoid me) happens no matter where I am..

Then it is not everyone else who sucks...therapy can, and will, help you to be better equipt socially.

Not to be hard on myself but YEAH it seems I'm the problem I will go to therapy.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANSWERS.

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It's harsh, but I was the problem too.  My therapist pointed out what the fuck was happening and how I could not DO those things that were pissing everybody off.  *Nobody* likes to hear those things but sometimes you have to.  It made me a better person.  That and proper medication so I didn't hypomania all over everyone.

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The same thing(people avoid me) happens no matter where I am..

Then it is not everyone else who sucks...therapy can, and will, help you to be better equipt socially.

Not to be hard on myself but YEAH it seems I'm the problem I will go to therapy.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANSWERS.

 

 

Thank you. This response is a good start. Instead of either dismissing my posts or becoming irate, you thought about what I had to say and considered my opinion. Good on you!

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I have people avoid me for various reasons- I am shy and quiet and I think some people might find me hard to approach,  I'm awkward in social situations which may make them uncomfortable too.  Some people are just rude and don't want to talk to someone who is unemployed or what ever reason.  When I try to approach people I think i may come on too strong and they avoid me then, too.  I go to a support group and there were a group that did things together and they didn't invite me because I was "low-functioning"- I have no idea what they were talking about.

 

I can't do anything about rude people, but I have been working in therapy on being more outgoing.  I approach things i would rather avoid.

 

I don't know if you have this issue, but sometimes i don't shower.  That hasn't seemed to be the problem but it could be.

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I think therapy is a good idea, but will be hard, and hopefully you will find a good therapist on the first try.

 

It's hard to know how your own body language is coming across.  Also, showering every day, clean clothes every day, and brushing your teeth every day is really important, too.  I don't mean to be insulting or condescending, but one of my brothers has struggled understanding the importance of this, and it hurts him socially, and also at work.  We have one guy in our office that also isn't good at keeping clean and no one wants to sit next to him because of his smell, but no one wants to be rude and tell him what the issue is.

 

The other thing to consider is maybe those people at the smoking area were having a private conversation and needed to finish before the end of their smoke.  I realize that's just one instance, but things like that occur regularly.

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Im sick of history repeating itself..

What are you doing to change the present to keep from repeating history?

Im going back to therapy ;)

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Were they in the middle of a conversation when you approached them?  I know that when I'm in the middle of a conversation and somebody just comes up and interrupts us, I get mad.  I usually wait to see what the dynamic is with the group, and try and add to the conversation they are already talking about.

 

I agree that you would have a better time if you were able to talk about it IRL with a therapist. As others have said it's easier to get nuances in person than over the internet.

 

Good luck!

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  • 1 month later...

I think your problem is u said hello, I would never say that unless I'm at the front door of a relatives or something formal. It makes you sound like a robot and stiff as a board. People who smoke are trying to relax they don't want stress, instead come off relaxed and mellow say something like hey what's up, yo guys, or word brah if u know him decently. I have made many groups of friends through smoke circles, some tips r to ask for a light or even to bum a smoke maybe discuss brands, also try to get a unique smoke so they'll ask what u have

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I think your problem is u said hello, I would never say that unless I'm at the front door of a relatives or something formal. It makes you sound like a robot and stiff as a board. People who smoke are trying to relax they don't want stress, instead come off relaxed and mellow say something like hey what's up, yo guys, or word brah if u know him decently. I have made many groups of friends through smoke circles, some tips r to ask for a light or even to bum a smoke maybe discuss brands, also try to get a unique smoke so they'll ask what u have

Hello, Planking. You're instructing people (even if it is in jumbled language) how to go about becoming a smoker? Really? That is sad on so many levels.

 

And "hello" is a long-standing, well-worn, English greeting. Is it that smoking makes you too cool to speak standard English?

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