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Last year I quit a great job. I was having a severe mood episode, added alcohol, and ended up compulsively quitting my job, by email of all things.

 

I am so filled with regret and self-hate over this. I have such a hard time believing I would do such a stupid thing.

 

Can anyone else relate?

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I've been fighting that urge a bit, recently.

 

My boss has been very understanding as I've gone through the last... year or two, I guess, but he gets frustrated.  I work for a small company, and we all work from home... so it's easy to get lost and not get things done, and when he comes down on me (rightly) for missed deadlines and things like that, I've been trying very hard not to tell him to just shove it up his ass.  The ramifications would be... widespread and intense.

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Yep. I got into a heated argument with my boss, yelled at her and threw shit in front of 20 customers, and stormed out of the store during a mixed episode shortly before being hospitalized last summer. Still mortified beyond words about it. 

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Thoughts like this can turn into an endless cold swim, encouraging isolation and drowning.

I guess what gets me through, my raft if you will, is looking at those experiences with a lens of "was I doing my best?"

 

I ask myself that question a lot.  Surprisingly, I generally am.  Is my best where I want it to be, is my best good enough?  Maybe those are all different things to consider at a different time, but when it comes right down to it:

 

When I left my friends and family and support system abruptly to move 2000 miles away, I was doing my best.

When I moved in with someone emotionally abusive, I was doing my best.

When I lived with someone else in what I thought was a romantic relationship who was only there to "try to cure your depression" (unknown to me), I was doing my best.

When I walked out of a decent job at which I performed well after having 3 panic attacks despite being on 30mg of valium a day, I was still doing my best.

 

I do the best I can given the knowledge and resources I have available.  I find those words a comfort to me.  When I flail in a sea of regrets I can think of that and know I tried as hard as I could.

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Thoughts like this can turn into an endless cold swim, encouraging isolation and drowning.

I guess what gets me through, my raft if you will, is looking at those experiences with a lens of "was I doing my best?"

 

I ask myself that question a lot.  Surprisingly, I generally am.  Is my best where I want it to be, is my best good enough?  Maybe those are all different things to consider at a different time, but when it comes right down to it:

 

When I left my friends and family and support system abruptly to move 2000 miles away, I was doing my best.

When I moved in with someone emotionally abusive, I was doing my best.

When I lived with someone else in what I thought was a romantic relationship who was only there to "try to cure your depression" (unknown to me), I was doing my best.

When I walked out of a decent job at which I performed well after having 3 panic attacks despite being on 30mg of valium a day, I was still doing my best.

 

I do the best I can given the knowledge and resources I have available.  I find those words a comfort to me.  When I flail in a sea of regrets I can think of that and know I tried as hard as I could.

well written

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

I've agonized at times over things I've done or said in the past. With that said, in the end though its just wasted energy. There's a quote I read along time ago that goes something like "A ton of regret never makes an ounce of difference."

 

Whats done is done and you can never change that.
 

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I've agonized at times over things I've done or said in the past. With that said, in the end though its just wasted energy. There's a quote I read along time ago that goes something like "A ton of regret never makes an ounce of difference."

Whats done is done and you can never change that.

On an intellectual level, I totally agree that regret and shame does nothing good for anyone. That said, I get caught up on the "how"

How do I stop from obsessively beating myself up over things done in the past, with shame, with worrying about what people may or may not think of me.

I really struggle with this.

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I've agonized at times over things I've done or said in the past. With that said, in the end though its just wasted energy. There's a quote I read along time ago that goes something like "A ton of regret never makes an ounce of difference."

Whats done is done and you can never change that.

On an intellectual level, I totally agree that regret and shame does nothing good for anyone. That said, I get caught up on the "how"

How do I stop from obsessively beating myself up over things done in the past, with shame, with worrying about what people may or may not think of me.

I really struggle with this.

 

I struggle with the same from time to time, MN. It seems to wax and wane with my mood state, though. I'm sorry you struggle with it, too.

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Last year I quit a great job. I was having a severe mood episode, added alcohol, and ended up compulsively quitting my job, by email of all things.

 

I am so filled with regret and self-hate over this. I have such a hard time believing I would do such a stupid thing.

 

Can anyone else relate?

regrets should be my middle name. I can really relate. Because of mood stuff and chronic pain at a young age i have done tons of stuff like this.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Right now I have what I consider my dream job.  However, I feel like I’ll need to quit it while I learn new ways to cope with my depression.  I’ve also probably made enough mistakes that they’ll ask I not return.  Shit!  Another thing to regret for decades.

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I don't have any real regrets, I don't believe in them. What is done is done.

 

Well actually one, though this is more resentment than regret.  This is not getting knowledge as all others did, and not going to university at 18 which is the norm.

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