madmax15 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Guys Im still on a hunt for a descent therapist. Plz bear with me. So I have a habit of thinking I "know" people that I really don't What else I do I keep talking about these people behind their backs in a good way constantly coz I feel their is some sort of relationship.(friends) when really there isn't. Would that freak you out? Im guessing that is why ppl stay away from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susinko Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 That wouldn't freak me out. If you are saying good things about me, even if you don't really know me, it's still good things. Right? It's a little different, but different does NOT mean bad. All you have to do is get to know the people you want to talk about! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 More of the lines of I talk constantly about "this" person to other people who I don't really know aswell. IDK.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Light Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 If it's good then no problem - If causing problems and hurting people then, obviously not a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix_Rising Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Has anyone that you've talked about approached you about you talking about them? The only problem I see is if someone has told you not to talk about them. You might be seen as a little eager, but that's understandable given that you want friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Has anyone that you've talked about approached you about you talking about them? . Short answer No. As usual no one says anything I have to guess WHY ppl are being shit to me. FWIW someone told me there was this girl that I didn't know that well asking about me. It seriously freaked me out. But I thought to myself "Shit I do that too!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 That wouldn't freak me out. I think I always ASK about people I don't know that well from other people IDK that well either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 (edited) If you are picking out people around you (who you don't know) and creating a fantasy relationship in your head which you then mislead others into thinking is real, then you're using that appearance of being their friend to get approval from others. You're lying about yourself, your connection to your fantasy friend and to the people around you. And people are going to be suspicious of you if they know you fabricate friendships. Sadly, people don't really understand mental ill health and may assume that you are a stalker, a liar, an attention seeker etc. I know them by name and being "around them". Edited April 24, 2014 by nirvanasongz13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 That would piss me off, rather than freak me out. No one knows me from being around me. The side of me that I present to the world is only a very small aspect of who I am. When people make assumptions about me without actually being a close friend of mine I get really frustrated. It pretty much kills any opportunity of friendship because it's clear to me that I'm not being taken seriously (even if that's untrue). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 (edited) That would piss me off, rather than freak me out. No one knows me from being around me. The side of me that I present to the world is only a very small aspect of who I am. When people make assumptions about me without actually being a close friend of mine I get really frustrated. It pretty much kills any opportunity of friendship because it's clear to me that I'm not being taken seriously (even if that's untrue). Just an example I can give of being around someone...would be working with someone for a while Edited April 24, 2014 by nirvanasongz13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mellifluous Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 yeah, that would freak me out. i would distance self. it freaks me out to think someone talks about me in a way at all though and my diagnosis is what it is perhaps in significant part due to that, so i don't know that my being freaked out says much about the wider population, but my answer would still be: yeah, that would freak me out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted April 25, 2014 Author Share Posted April 25, 2014 (edited) Final EDIT: Sorry. So I always ask about people I sort of know a lot. It gets interpreted the wrong way. It is clear people are avoiding me. When I mean ask an example. "So how's **** doing?" at a gathering. Its not like we are strangers. I DO know them just not best friend bum buddies. Edited April 25, 2014 by nirvanasongz13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Most people, meeting socially, want to talk about themselves - not third parties. If you're asking present company about someone else, then present company is left thinking "nirvanasong doesn't care about me. They just wanted to talk about that other person. Hmph." But then, this isn't Socially-Well-Adjusted boards. I know that my people skills are not 100%, and I'm willing to bet that many of us here struggle in this arena at times which is why we stick around here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimako Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 From my hypomanic years I learned in order to not drive people away I needed to always always get them talking about themselves. Eventually I still would drive them away when a huge crazy came about but at least it was my crazy doing it and not me ignoring their lives. Easy questions: People with kids (this will never fail really) : How does [name] like their [new] teacher? Did [name] get that new phone they wanted? Really you just have to start with a question, poeple go on and on about their kids and love any excuse to talk about them. I would know . People, young, no kids, married: how's things in your neck of the woods (or whatever slang is appropriate for your area), how's the spouse doing. If you know something about them, hobbies and such, that makes it easier to ask leading questions. Leading questions that get people talking about themselves *then* remembering to deflect any questions they ask you back to them. Them: "I really love what you're wearing, where did you get it?" You:" Oh, I got it at [herp]. Your outfit looks good too did you get it at [derp]?" Those are social skills that I never really learned until somebody at a job showed me. It made being a cashier so much easier. Here in the USAn South too, just a "hey [name], how are you doing today" will get things started. Adding relevant stuff to that like "you look really tired/happy" can get the ball rolling too. Will that instantly make them your friend? probably not but it gets things working and maybe at some future time, you could be friends. Just so I'm clear, when I'm dead into hypomania, EVERYBODY avoids me. Nothing I can do or say will change that because hypomania freaks just about everybody out. I agree with everyone who said you probably should talk to your tdoc about this. I can say things all over the place and be totally completely wrong because I don't know you from Adam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo 'n dye Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 The best way to find out, "...how is ______ doing?" is to ask ______. It is easy to interpret such questions as an opportunity to gossip. And, as was stated earlier in the topic, it seems dismissive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 (edited) That is probably why people are avoiding you, because they don't know how to react to the fantasizing and they know how paranoid and sensitive you can about the smallest event ( a phone call from a private number, the way someone looks at you or a work they use.) People can't relax around you if you are that way. . Was that a spelling eror? Did you mean they "DON'T" know how paranoid and sensitive I am? Or a worD they use? Edited April 27, 2014 by nirvanasongz13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverse The Polarity Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Sometimes people don't want to talk about others because it's not their place. If you asked me how a mutual friend is going, I'll be general but I also know it's not my place to talk about their lives for them. So I would say a few words and then move on. If you insist on talking about our mutual friend then I'll think you're being inappropriate and rude. It's about respecting other people's boundaries. If someone wants to talk to you about something, they'll say it to you. If they haven't told you, then I have no right to be telling you the details. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 Mmmm I thought I was just being friendly by asking " So how's ---- ". If it's a girl I'm asking about people interpret that I like her and Im obsessed with her. Who knew just 3 words could bring my down fall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 (edited) ···· Edited April 27, 2014 by nirvanasongz13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverse The Polarity Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Are you close to them? You said you weren't really "friends" with these people, so it would come across as creepy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 Are you close to them? You said you weren't really "friends" with these people, so it would come across as creepy. Thanks for that reply. I need to know the truth as to why I'm avoided like the plague. If it hurts my feelings then so be it. I keep thinking im being nice and polite by asking "how" is someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Again, this is something that doesn't transmit well over the internet. It could be that you look at someone a particular way that they don't like. Maybe you talk to women's chests (don't do this). Maybe you're 6'-8" and if you carry yourself a certain way it scares people. Maybe you laugh at generally inappropriate places. I certainly don't know (and no one else here does either). Do you have meds right now? Where do they come from? Can you tell that person that you are interested in therapy and can they help you out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 Well, thanks for the advice. I take my meds. I have been out of hospital for 4 years. But it's simple I have a habit of talking/asking about people to/ from other people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Share Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) If you are picking out people around you (who you don't know) and creating a fantasy relationship in your head which you then mislead others into thinking is real, then you're using that appearance of being their friend to get approval from others. You're lying about yourself, your connection to your fantasy friend and to the people around you. And people are going to be suspicious of you if they know you fabricate friendships. Sadly, people don't really understand mental ill health and may assume that you are a stalker, a liar, an attention seeker etc. This happened at my last job. I assume some of the regular customers thought me and this guy I work with were friends. Obviously not. Then I was known as nigel-no friends. Edited May 28, 2014 by nirvanasongz13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblack666 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 oh how saaaaad :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crtclms Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 And you are not sad how, exactly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts