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just saw a tongue piercing on my kids  girlfriend. The tongue was infected last week. A teacher confiscated her giant sized listerine bottle.

She has many piercings. the tongue is two weeks old.

And a ring inserted like "sheetrock screw" into the side of her stomach.

"It can only be surgically removed"

 

This girl is 16,

 

Her mother is VERY strict.

 

WTF?

 

I am appalled. Trying not to judge. I love this girl. She is a great kid.

I gave her my piercing lecture.

Something is clearly up and I am pretty much helpless.

She told me about a nose job parents did on a six year old who was teased.

"Her nose was fine!" she said lisping. She can only lisp now. 

I respect her and she is clear eyed about the consequences of cosmetic physical surgery as a teen.

 

My girl told me about a guy they met who tattooed his eyeballs.

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I may not like it but it's not my kid. I also don't view the parents differently for something the teen has done because I mainly remember doing a lot of stupid things as a teen that my parents only discovered later. I think the lisping will get better as it heals and she gets used to it.  Although I did know a chick who would speak well with a piercing in her tongue but would clack it when she started drinking.

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I would tell the mother that her daughter has an infected piercing.

She needs medical attention.

 

I think that would be my responsibility as a parent, and what I would want if it was my child.

That infection could become serious.

 

I know that making that choice will have fall out and repercussions with your daughter.

 

Not sure why a teacher would confiscate mouth wash??  Is it because it has alcohol as an ingredient?

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I would tell the mother that her daughter has an infected piercing.

She needs medical attention.

 

I think that would be my responsibility as a parent, and what I would want if it was my child.

That infection could become serious.

 

I know that making that choice will have fall out and repercussions with your daughter.

 

Not sure why a teacher would confiscate mouth wash??  Is it because it has alcohol as an ingredient?

 

Her mother let her get the piercing!  She knows ALL about the infection, which is gone.  They confiscated because people drink listerine to get drunk???

 

 

 

I may not like it but it's not my kid.

 

Unless your obvious concern. lecture, and being appalled can actually alter the course of events, each response is more or less a waste of your energy. Can you do anything to influence this your woman? If her parent is very strict yet either condones or gave permission for the piercing what can you do besides being concerned and being appalled?

 

Water, I know that my responses in your other thread about a girl being left alone either made you angry at me or simply made me anathema, but, truly, I am trying to understand why you become so involved in the actions of other children and other parents.

 

It concerns me that you invest so much emotion in situations that you cannot change and that are frankly, none of you business.

 

 

Indigo - I was never upset at you about any of your posts. I don't know why you think that.

 

The reason I HAVE to get involved in some way or another is because I have a daughter.  These girls are her friends.  These friends sleep, eat, play,  in my house.  We take these friends on vacation.  We drive them to the mall. They are family. Some more than others.  I care about these kids which is why I get involved.

 

I only worry because that is the legacy left by my mother. I did not write this post because I was worried. More because I was upset.

 

I just drove this girl and my girl to the mall. They both are still kids and very much women. 

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I may not like it but it's not my kid. I also don't view the parents differently for something the teen has done because I mainly remember doing a lot of stupid things as a teen that my parents only discovered later. I think the lisping will get better as it heals and she gets used to it.  Although I did know a chick who would speak well with a piercing in her tongue but would clack it when she started drinking.

 

I have nothing against piercings in general.

 

This is all I know:

 

Piercing the tongue is completely different than a belly button, ear, eyebrow, nose, cheek piercing.

 

Very different.

 

The tongue is connected to the brain in some way I don't understand.  They have been people who have developed brain injuries from tongue piercings gone wrong.

 

I don't mind the stomach piercing.  It was just the expression on the girl's face when she told me that it would take surgery to remove. She was like,

"yeah, I should have given it more thought".

 

This is why I wonder about the mom.  I don't know this mom at all but what I have observed is many of the girls who are having difficulties have overly strict parents. This is one of those overly strict parents. Or perhaps strict in the wrong places.

 

I never like to criticize parents knowing how effing hard it is to be a kid and be a parent.  But....I needed to vent and thought that others would benefit from the discussion.

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Venting is good.  Maybe I don't care enough and that's just me being how I am.  I'm sorry if I seemed to be chastising you for your care.  My mom was overly strict with me about my grades and such but all the good it did was making me rebellious.

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Venting is good.  Maybe I don't care enough and that's just me being how I am.  I'm sorry if I seemed to be chastising you for your care.  My mom was overly strict with me about my grades and such but all the good it did was making me rebellious.

 

Don;t be sorry!! I really want to hear from people closer to my daughters age as well as other parents and anyone.

 

Being a parent has all along been a complete magical mystery tour. It feels like being dropped from a plane onto a brand new planet with different food, gravity, terrain, in the dark, no map and alone.

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I like your explanation of parenthood. :D

Thank you. :-}

just made that up.

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Not commenting on the kid, but as a former piercer I'm appalled at the lack of knowledge people have about piercings.

Infection is rare, irritation is more likely. If the shop used aseptic technique, she probably doesn't have an infection. If she had an infection, her tongue would be swollen the size of the barbell (jewellery used in a tongue piercing, which has 2 balls that come off each end of a post. Good jewellery is internally threaded, where the ball threads into the bar, bad jewellery is externally threaded, where the threads are on the barbell itself, stuff you see at Hot Topic is BAD jewellery), or her tongue could possibly eat the barbell. She would be oozing pus, her tongue would be a different colour, and she would be in extreme pain.

 

The thing in her stomach doesn't have to be surgically removed. It just has to be removed by a trained piercer. They're called dermal anchors sometimes, or also called microdermals or skin divers, depending on the jewellery used. Those have more of an irritation risk because they can tear out easily.

 

The tongue is not connected to the brain and breaking the body/brain barrier with an infection from a tongue piercing, well, that's almost impossible. The tongue is also muscle. I've never seen or heard of brain infections from a tongue piercing. I've also never seen an infected tongue piercing, just irritated ones. The mouth heals FAST. She should watch out for gum recession on the backs of her teeth and wear a shorter barbell and not click it against her teeth unless she wants a big dental bill in a few years. My one tongue piercing (I used to have each side done, called "venoms") rubbed a tooth, and when my dentist said this, I left them out.

 

Lastly, she shouldn't be using Listerine to clean her tongue piercing. It's far too harsh. If she is using mouthwash at all, it should be Biotine, which is pricey, but worth it. All I recommended was sterile saline, such as H20cean or you can make your own mix: 1/4 tsp of sea salt (non iodized) to a FULL CUP of distilled water. Boiled water (obviously let it cool down) can be used in a pinch. Never throw salt in tap water. Keep it in a bottle, rinse with it a few times a day.

 

As for eyeball tattoos, the inventor, Shannon Larratt, he's dead now, and he was the first to get one. He had major problems after getting it, and told people it was a dangerous, stupid idea, and then it caught on. I think its a dangerous, stupid idea to do anything to your eyes because your vision is precious and don't get me started on my 20 page long rant about why an eyeball tattoo is the stupidest thing you can possibly do to yourself... on that note..

 

I'm glad you're looking out for the girl. She should see a better piercer next time. And she shouldn't be getting piercings or anything on her abdomen (and this includes a bellybutton ring) until she's finished growing, with or without parents permission. 16 is too young. I had a collection of ear piercings, a tongue piercing when I was 16. Age of consent in Ontario is 16, but many piercers refuse to pierce some places on teenagers that young due to growing issues, or personal ethics. 

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Not commenting on the kid, but as a former piercer I'm appalled at the lack of knowledge people have about piercings.

Infection is rare, irritation is more likely. If the shop used aseptic technique, she probably doesn't have an infection. If she had an infection, her tongue would be swollen the size of the barbell (jewellery used in a tongue piercing, which has 2 balls that come off each end of a post. Good jewellery is internally threaded, where the ball threads into the bar, bad jewellery is externally threaded, where the threads are on the barbell itself, stuff you see at Hot Topic is BAD jewellery), or her tongue could possibly eat the barbell. She would be oozing pus, her tongue would be a different colour, and she would be in extreme pain.

 

The thing in her stomach doesn't have to be surgically removed. It just has to be removed by a trained piercer. They're called dermal anchors sometimes, or also called microdermals or skin divers, depending on the jewellery used. Those have more of an irritation risk because they can tear out easily.

 

The tongue is not connected to the brain and breaking the body/brain barrier with an infection from a tongue piercing, well, that's almost impossible. The tongue is also muscle. I've never seen or heard of brain infections from a tongue piercing. I've also never seen an infected tongue piercing, just irritated ones. The mouth heals FAST. She should watch out for gum recession on the backs of her teeth and wear a shorter barbell and not click it against her teeth unless she wants a big dental bill in a few years. My one tongue piercing (I used to have each side done, called "venoms") rubbed a tooth, and when my dentist said this, I left them out.

 

Lastly, she shouldn't be using Listerine to clean her tongue piercing. It's far too harsh. If she is using mouthwash at all, it should be Biotine, which is pricey, but worth it. All I recommended was sterile saline, such as H20cean or you can make your own mix: 1/4 tsp of sea salt (non iodized) to a FULL CUP of distilled water. Boiled water (obviously let it cool down) can be used in a pinch. Never throw salt in tap water. Keep it in a bottle, rinse with it a few times a day.

 

As for eyeball tattoos, the inventor, Shannon Larratt, he's dead now, and he was the first to get one. He had major problems after getting it, and told people it was a dangerous, stupid idea, and then it caught on. I think its a dangerous, stupid idea to do anything to your eyes because your vision is precious and don't get me started on my 20 page long rant about why an eyeball tattoo is the stupidest thing you can possibly do to yourself... on that note..

 

I'm glad you're looking out for the girl. She should see a better piercer next time. And she shouldn't be getting piercings or anything on her abdomen (and this includes a bellybutton ring) until she's finished growing, with or without parents permission. 16 is too young. I had a collection of ear piercings, a tongue piercing when I was 16. Age of consent in Ontario is 16, but many piercers refuse to pierce some places on teenagers that young due to growing issues, or personal ethics. 

 

Thank you SOOOO much.

 

I was really hoping you would respond. I knew you knew this stuff.  thank you!! birgits_snill.gif

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[says the person that you already know has no kids of her own, but much experience teaching 14-24 year olds ;) ]

 

Everyone 'hears' things differently coming from different people.  The same words can be spoken but different meanings can get 'heard' and internalized depending on the baggage attached to the mouth they're coming out of.

 

I think most of us remember hearing something that sounded totally disagreeable when told to us by a direct authority figure against whom we felt rebellious.  (like a parent, strict homeroom teacher, head coach, etc).  But I think most of us also remember at times being MUCH more willing to listen and reconsider things, even if the very same words were spoken, coming from a different adult with a different kind of relationship to us.  (beloved aunt, friend's 'cool' parent, a favorite teacher, etc.)

 

So personally I feel that it's usually helpful to hear from multiple people with different perspectives on the same issue.  Frankly, it's one of the reasons I'm in therapy right now.  It's also why I need and value the perspective of my CB friends like you, because it can sometimes feel and absorb very differently than with my face-to-face friends.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong per se with talking to your girl's friends about your concerns regarding their well-being.  As they say, though, the devil is in the details.  I think it's important to have a good sense of the particular role you play in this girl's life and mind.  I think it's also important to have a good sense of where your own girl's preferred boundaries are in terms of her mother's relationship with her friends.  (I think you already have that one pretty well dialed in)  What's your, and your girl's, relationship like with this friend's parents?

 

I'm not saying that the kids should get to dictate where you do/don't step in.  I'm saying that knowing and considering their POV can help with choosing timing, careful words, and clearly nonverbally communicating concern rather than condemnation.  (oh the joys of adolescent dramatic black and white jumping to conclusions!)  I know you well enough to think that you already know and do that too.  But that sometimes you need reassurance that your judgment is sound enough to be trusted.

 

You're not her parent so of course there are limits as to what you can and should do/say.  But there are also many other things that you CAN do/say specifically because you are not her parent.  From my experience, I think that most kids that age really need good examples of how to grow healthy relationships with other adults in their lives.  They may act like rebels without a self-reflective clue toward certain adults like strict parents, but given the chance, be perfectly capable of reason and reciprocity with others.

 

Sure, goofs may happen (on both your end and the kids'), especially in really murky waters, but also consider that not all wise words are absorbed immediately and not all lessons are ready to be learned yet.  Maybe its enough to say one concise, heartfelt thing, then step back and let her chew on it for a while.  Maybe she disregards it and continues with iffy risky behavior for now.  Leave the door open and the light on.  Keep a watchful eye.  One or both of them may, on their own, revisit the topic with you out of the blue sometime later.

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[says the person that you already know has no kids of her own, but much experience teaching 14-24 year olds ;) ]

 

Everyone 'hears' things differently coming from different people.  The same words can be spoken but different meanings can get 'heard' and internalized depending on the baggage attached to the mouth they're coming out of.

 

I think most of us remember hearing something that sounded totally disagreeable when told to us by a direct authority figure against whom we felt rebellious.  (like a parent, strict homeroom teacher, head coach, etc).  But I think most of us also remember at times being MUCH more willing to listen and reconsider things, even if the very same words were spoken, coming from a different adult with a different kind of relationship to us.  (beloved aunt, friend's 'cool' parent, a favorite teacher, etc.)

 

So personally I feel that it's usually helpful to hear from multiple people with different perspectives on the same issue.  Frankly, it's one of the reasons I'm in therapy right now.  It's also why I need and value the perspective of my CB friends like you, because it can sometimes feel and absorb very differently than with my face-to-face friends.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong per se with talking to your girl's friends about your concerns regarding their well-being.  As they say, though, the devil is in the details.  I think it's important to have a good sense of the particular role you play in this girl's life and mind.  I think it's also important to have a good sense of where your own girl's preferred boundaries are in terms of her mother's relationship with her friends.  (I think you already have that one pretty well dialed in)  What's your, and your girl's, relationship like with this friend's parents?

 

I'm not saying that the kids should get to dictate where you do/don't step in.  I'm saying that knowing and considering their POV can help with choosing timing, careful words, and clearly nonverbally communicating concern rather than condemnation.  (oh the joys of adolescent dramatic black and white jumping to conclusions!)  I know you well enough to think that you already know and do that too.  But that sometimes you need reassurance that your judgment is sound enough to be trusted.

 

You're not her parent so of course there are limits as to what you can and should do/say.  But there are also many other things that you CAN do/say specifically because you are not her parent.  From my experience, I think that most kids that age really need good examples of how to grow healthy relationships with other adults in their lives.  They may act like rebels without a self-reflective clue toward certain adults like strict parents, but given the chance, be perfectly capable of reason and reciprocity with others.

 

Sure, goofs may happen (on both your end and the kids'), especially in really murky waters, but also consider that not all wise words are absorbed immediately and not all lessons are ready to be learned yet.  Maybe its enough to say one concise, heartfelt thing, then step back and let her chew on it for a while.  Maybe she disregards it and continues with iffy risky behavior for now.  Leave the door open and the light on.  Keep a watchful eye.  One or both of them may, on their own, revisit the topic with you out of the blue sometime later.

 

Thank you!! This is extremely helpful.  Kids have all kinds of adults around them all day. During the week, other people see my girl more than I do.  So I understand the different perspectives.

 

I just love the way you write.

 

Sure, goofs may happen (on both your end and the kids'), especially in really murky waters, but also consider that not all wise words are absorbed immediately and not all lessons are ready to be learned yet.  Maybe its enough to say one concise, heartfelt thing, then step back and let her chew on it for a while.  Maybe she disregards it and continues with iffy risky behavior for now.  Leave the door open and the light on.  Keep a watchful eye.  One or both of them may, on their own, revisit the topic with you out of the blue sometime later.

 

These are very wise words for a non-parent.

Are you sure you don't have any kids?

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Sure, goofs may happen (on both your end and the kids'), especially in really murky waters, but also consider that not all wise words are absorbed immediately and not all lessons are ready to be learned yet.  Maybe its enough to say one concise, heartfelt thing, then step back and let her chew on it for a while.  Maybe she disregards it and continues with iffy risky behavior for now.  Leave the door open and the light on.  Keep a watchful eye.  One or both of them may, on their own, revisit the topic with you out of the blue sometime later.

 

These are very wise words for a non-parent.

Are you sure you don't have any kids?

:lol:  I sure hope there's no 'surprises' coming to knock on my door!

 

Actually, being a non-parent teacher has meant that I felt it was really important for me to talk to a lot of parents to learn about their infinitely variable perspectives and roles.  And I pay a ton of attention to any and all readings I come across regarding child/teen-adult dynamics.  (admittedly, part of this is motivated by my own reasons for needing therapy)  

 

I try to be really careful to avoid replicating parent stances and roles in my interactions with students.  That's not my job or role or right.  I'm also vigilant about watching for hints that I'm acting out my own 'issues'.  I believe that when it comes to learning to relate in more adult ways, most kids don't need to be hit over the head with redundancy.  They can usually (eventually) tell the difference between forced repetition and healthy overlap.

 

So, basically, in my efforts to become a good teacher, I sort of ended up having to learn about all the things that I'm NOT supposed to be in that role.  Primarily, being a parent.  I had no idea that this is what I was doing when I first started.  Hindsight reveals strange things.

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water, my brain is still going around in circles that the parents approved the tongue piercing for a girl that age

 

wow

that is very surprising to me

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water, my brain is still going around in circles that the parents approved the tongue piercing for a girl that age

 

wow

that is very surprising to me

 

me too.

but I think it is more common than i thought. maybe.  perhaps. I don't really know.  :-}

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Water, you really do take this momming stuff seriously, you know?

You work very hard at it. 

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