BeckyF Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 (edited) Hi. I'm new here but not new to insomnia. Prior to the following I have tried several "normal" meds short term for insomnia when not sleeping due to stressful home situations (divorce) which did next to nothing except benadry but felt awful in the morning . I'm almost 60 years old now. I was pretty much fine until 2001 when my 18 year old daughter received a devastating cancer diagnosis. She was my best friend and immediately after the diagnosis, I was a wreck. I was full of anxiety, could not sleep at all, eating but losing weight rapidly.....a walking mess. To make a long story short, I went to a psychiatrist (I didn't know what else to do) because I needed serious help so that I could help my daughter. It took 5 mg of Klonopin to make me normal....I slept and was able to function and do all that I had to do for and with my daughter well for four years. During two of her remissions, I went down to 3 mg of Klonopin and was doing okay. She passed away and the meds still helped me get through that. My problems started when I read some benzo boards that said everyone should get off poisonous benzos. Well, I did slowly. After one year off, I slept 3 hours a night and it was rough. My doc told me I needed to go back on Klonopin and get some sleep. He said I couldn't live that way. I don't remember the dose at this point I was put back on but it didn't work well.. He added in Restoril 30 mg which did nothing except help me sleep for two hours then wake me up unable to go back to sleep until it was time to go to work which was not an option. I was on .25 of Klonopin and the Restoril for awhile. I didn't tell my doctor what I was going through because he wanted to add in a third benzo and that was the last thing I wanted to do. So for a few years I was on .25 of Klonopin and 30 mg of Restoril. I recently added in some Klonopin during the day (am allowed per doctor) when I realized I was having anxiety problems in my relationship (supposed to get married to a wonderful man) and at work. The problem is I am so exhausted from not sleeping that I barely have much of a life. I can do my job fine and then crash and watch TV after work because I am too tired to move. I have lost friends because I am too exhausted to go out with them due to not sleeping much. I have a doctor's appt. Tuesday. I want back on higher dose benzo (Klonpin which still works for me and get off the Restoril since it probably can't be increased) which gave me a normal life. I know I have a high tolerance level due to the amount I was on during my daughter's time with cancer. (She did pass away and it has been traumatic for me. I am not depressed but sometimes wonder if I have ptsd due to what I went through then and much more during that time too. Everyone, including my husband, her in-laws, friends, etc. were working against me. They thought I was spoiling her and believed she was going to get better. Her and i practically lived in the hospital. I have no regrets over anything I did for her.....thank goodness. Others do) I don't care about benzo addiciton at this point and at my age anymore. I just want a somewhat normal life. I also have a son and grandchildren I want to spend more time with too. I guess I am a bit vain, but I don't want Seroquel or Remeron because when you are in my situation who wants weight gain on top of everything else. I have been to grief couseling....useless for me. I wasn't able to relate to losing a 22 year old daughter compared to a miscarriage. If anyone has been through anything like this or has any suggestions, please help. I am desperate. Thanks so much for listening. Edited May 4, 2014 by BeckyF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissaw72 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Hi, welcome to CB I'm sorry for your loss. It must have been a very difficult thing to go through. I hope you get some sleep soon. Have you tried Ambien? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjimjam Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 I didn't gain any weight on Seroquel or Remeron. They are the only meds that help me sleep. Even high doses of benzos don't work for me. Not everyone gains weight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 I once took triazolam, which is a benzo, to help with sleep. I've taken lots of others, but that's the only one that was a benzo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wonderful.Cheese Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 I agree that a sleep med like ambien cr or lunesta is worth a go. So sorry about your daughter. My husband just was diagnosed with testicular cancer not long ago. He has luckily survived so far. I hope he doesn't die. I'm so sorry your daughter did and I don't think you did anything wrong with treating her well. She deserved to be treated well. Poor thing. So young. My husband is young too. 33. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAL9000 Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Another vote for AmbienCR. I think the Benzos = poison crowd does not understand something. Yes, they can be addicting and for some people this is an awful idea. A lot a people seem to be able to take them only as prescribed and do ok. Like so many medical things you can hear just about anything. That taking a Benzo is like smoking crack. Or that taking them daily in large doses is perfectly ok. I think this is where you have to find a doctor that knows her (or his) stuff and take their advice. I kept a daily log for a long time but it never got close to where the Doctor was concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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