amethyst327 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 (edited) Hi. I'm 46. I've had depersonalization disorder (part of overall complex trauma) since I was young but not aware of anything until I was 23. It's taken until the last year to even realize I'm not some isolated freak with these symptoms and that there are now actually books and fourms like this on it. until now, I have never met another person, either in person or online, that has it. I'm still not convinced anyone does. When I was busy searching for what was the matter with me all through the 90's and early 2000's, all this info didn't exist. I guess I just want to see if anyone has this, if they feel a certain amount is always there but have these horrible "flare ups" during times of stress or not being able to handle something, etc. I should add, this wasn't drug induced, although I've read in the past few days that some people actually experience it from this. Mine appears to be a defense mechanism from early childhood trauma that's travelled with me my whole life. thanks for listening. susan Edited May 13, 2014 by amethyst327 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confused Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I have just been dx with DPD. There is a board here for dissociative diorders. I always knew i had some periods of brief dissociation, mostly when anxious, but I didn't know it was enough for it's own dx/ There is a movie that went straight to video called "Numb" about DPD that I have in queue from Netflix. There is also a book titled "Feeling Unreal" that i haven't read yet. Welcome to CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amethyst327 Posted May 13, 2014 Author Share Posted May 13, 2014 (edited) wow, thank you for writing back. I just finished reading "feeling unreal" yesterday. When this latest episode struck me, to this degree, about 3 weeks ago, I went on amazon and bought like $150 worth of books just because I was so upset over it all and determined to find out what the %$^& was the matter with me. I've have felt isolated in this for 24 years now. I'm fortunate that I have a therapist who is excellent with Trauma. But I have to tell you... you have to know it to know it. There is nothing more I can say on that. If you haven't felt it, I just don't think you can ever truly get it no matter how many degrees you have. Edited May 13, 2014 by amethyst327 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbat Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Hi Susan, welcome to the boards. I'm new here too. I don't have a Dx of DPD but depersonalization (as well as derealization) are both symptoms I deal with as well. I'm so used to them I really don't even know what it's like to not have them. Which leaves me in a weird position of getting it but NOT getting it, if you know what I mean -- I don't have any perspective outside it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
epiphanyanon Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Hi Susan, and welcome. I am not diagnosed with DPD, but depersonalization is a symptom for me as well (the exact diagnosis is borderline personality disorder, but what the hell? A symptom is a symptom. Someone with pneumonia and someone with tuberculosis both know that coughing sucks). I think it's probably a little different for everyone, but mine comes on mostly during times of stress. I always feel like a "stranger" in my own life, though, and even (maybe especially) during happy moments I am acutely aware that I am stuck in a fragile body that isn't me in a fragile world I don't belong in, and that it is just a temporary assignment. When I was a little little kid my bipolar dad would have some pretty bad rages, but I only have one memory of any of them, so I think I probably locked most of those memories away. He and my mom split up some time when I was 3, I think, and she married someone else who had MAJOR anger management issues, and I know I would dissociate when he really freaked out. I remember when I was younger (maybe 6th grade?) I had my first cognitive realizations that something was wrong because I felt like I couldn't really touch anything - like there was a barrier between me and the people I hugged or the objects I held. It got a lot worse as I got older, and I coped for a long time by self-injuring (NOT RECOMMENDED). At my worst I feel cut off from myself, like I am operating from the end of a long tunnel, and I will look strange to myself in the mirror. I have read that some people will even experience out-of-body sensations, but I have never experienced such. I don't think any medications I have ever taken have helped with dissociative symptoms, but then again it's hard to be sure. To be honest, I didn't even know DPD was a thing until I read your post. But know you are not alone in this, even if it feels that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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