Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org
Sign in to follow this  
lysergia

anybody on the DD spectrum want to share?

Recommended Posts

I have to see a new psychiatrist this week.  I have no idea how to "feel out" if she is safe to discuss dissociation with.  This is distressing for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't get it.  In order for me to be relatively lucid in doctors' appointments, do I have to have the same conversation before EVERY SINGLE ONE about who gets to talk?

When I think about it I guess developmentally younger parts can't extrapolate?  Maybe it was an unfair expectation that the conversation would "carry over" from one appointment to the next appointment with the same doctor.

But now I am frustrated because it happened and it kind of totalled an entire appointment.  For the billionth time.  And you don't get a "do over" with psychiatrists.  You just have to wait.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been noticing myself dissociating more recently. I was taking a class. Being in a group makes me anxious. I didn't feel very anxious, but I was fading in and out a bit and then it continued other places. It isn't a problem. You would think I would be used to it by now, but it feels weird to me. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

tryp, here is my respectful suggestion:

I imagine that, when you were that age that you were then (the age that's causing a problem now), you wanted attention from the grownups around you. I seem to recall you mentioning something to that effect, once. So... if you were trapped at that age that's causing a problem now... your goal would be trapped too. Only now, there are adults! And they're paying attention!!! That's a big deal. And it's an opportunity that, if you don't have a sense of time because you're small, or you're dissociated, that must be grabbed at the first opportunity. Because that first opportunity is, to you, the only opportunity that you've got.

So the understanding of "this will happen every week" isn't there and instead it's replaced by that life-or-death desperation that children feel when everything in their life is wrong and horribly unsafe, and the key to it all is right there, across the room.

 

confused, I get how we never get used to it, and how it just continues to feel weird.

Edited by WinterRosie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

we have a scan tomorrow

we are a bit terrified

we aren't sure we can't keep the kids from coming out to scream/cry/whatever during the scan

or during the entire medical interface

this...is a bit problematic

scan = lay very still, shoved in a tube, injected with stuff, wearing ear plugs to muffle the loud bangs

not kid-friendly

actually not friendly to much of anything

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How was it, if okay?

We here have a problem where Mae (who is 10) always comes out for these things. So yes. Not kid-friendly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

it was the longest appointment for this scan we've had

mainly due to the IV issue

we're still dehydrated enough that finding a vein is hard and then we bled all over the techs (it took three tries)

also, we thought we might vomit all over the inside of the scanner at one point (fun!)

the kids were...crying...and were terrified...the techs kept asking if we were OK 

but how does one explain that? at all?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was dissociating so badly yesterday, I begged DH to drive me to my neuro appt, and he did. Good Boy! I think I am super anxious coming of the Latuda, and my neuronurse thought so, too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yarn, have you thought about using something like these to explain? I'm writing up something similar for myself.

Edited by WinterRosie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

sometimes i don't feel right. like, i'll go on an eating binge, and it's like i go to sleep and somebody else takes over, and i'll wake up, saying the same thing to myself over and over like it'll convince me that i'm not dissociated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've had DD since I was little. It was prob the first MI I developed. It's not as intense as others, but it's affected my life alot. 

I have no recall of certain events through the years....like I recall parts of things but how I wound up in that particular situation I have no clue.

One was playing some kind of ball game at school. Everything was fine and we were all playing, then next thing I know times passed and I'm standing there with a scraped up arm and everyone has gone back to class. 

Today, I have what I call aspects of my personality that are different from the core 'me' or us, whatever... They don't have particular names for themselves as they're not fragmented enough to be singular from the rest of the selves. One I do call Callisto because she takes care of shit when it gets too hard...whatever needs to get scared off or fought, she takes care of. Jaime is the peacemaker like the bionic woman. She tends to keep everything in line by reminding everyone that we're supposed to be peaceful and gentle. 

There are times though when things get really bad and I look in the mirror and beg for callisto to come back. It's not like I can control this stuff though...she comes out when she wants. 

I don't feel completely dissociated because I kind of supervise these other aspects, but they do have a great deal of influence over stuff...and if Callisto gets pissed and surfaces I get afraid because I can't stop her from doing whatever she wants.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Me, today: "wow they have hot cocoa! I love hot cocoa. I really want some. I don't like hot cocoa at all."

-sigh-

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi all. So I have around 10 altars. And these days we are mostly co-conscious. It used to be MUCH WORSE.

Weird thing I'm going through right now: After years of not telling people about my DID, I'm finally coming out to some of my closest friends. And they are accepting it with calm and nods. But I want QUESTIONS. I want them to want to get to know each of us inside. Is that selfish? I feel like an attention needy person for wanting this....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Airship, it makes sense to me that you all might want to be own as individuals rather than as a cluster pretending to be one. If that's what you want then I imagine that you can ask for it since you seem to be getting a good reception?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, WinterRosie said:

Airship, it makes sense to me that you all might want to be own as individuals rather than as a cluster pretending to be one. If that's what you want then I imagine that you can ask for it since you seem to be getting a good reception?

Thank you for the encouragement, WinterRosie. I guess I feel like if they wanted to know us as individuals, they would try? I dunno. That's many passive aggressive of me. Like wanted them to make the first move :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

They may not be too well-versed in the etiquette of plurality, after all. I know that my SO says that he wants to meet all of us here but I struggle with that so he waits for me to tell him as I feel safe to do so.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We told our psychologist of 5 years last week. It was.. Rather terrifying. I (Wynn) did the talking, and while I'm fairly hard to phase (I wouldn't call myself a protector figure, but I'm definitely a caretaker for the rest) doing so left me shaking enough to need some diazapam before the end of it. She insisted on telling our psychnurse/her boss, but other than a rabbit-in-headlights look when it first came up, seems okay with the info. She said that if we'd told a psychiatrist we'd probably be labelled DID/psychotic, but that she doesn't see it as either of those so much as a trauma response. Which, yeah, matches up. We have no interest in a diagnosis, and suspect it would be something of a dead albatross to have on our NHS records.

Ever since then those of us who aren't Whisper have been a bit.. Pushed to the background? Whenever I tried to come forward to comfort her she freaked out due to anxiety about faking it all/making me up. This fed back into a feeling that she was making it all up because we weren't there. Eventually the dam broke when Tri came to front, since.. Well, by his own admission he's not a headmate who's obviously made to be supportive or suchlike. He can be protective but has his own kettle of badstuff to deal with. Since then we've kinda settled back into normal routine, for us.

Next psych appointment our psych wants to talk all about us in more detail. This mostly evokes a 'guhhhh no' from the others, I suspect I'll have to do it. Ce'st la vie.

Wynn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...