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Hey there, everyone

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I'm Core. My friend recommended me this site a while ago and I thought "What the Hell, might as well give it a shot." Over the years, I've been on a number of message boards. Some for personality types and some for psychological "support". In the end, I rage quit all of them. I've reached the end of my rope when it comes to false friends and being shamed for my mental illness. I know I'm a monster, but I'm not here to be judged for my many, many, many failures. If anything, I'd like some help understanding what left I'm still confused about. As the years go by and I get older, I find myself realizing there are more pieces to the shattered puzzle that is my sanity than I was aware of, previously.

I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthmic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The conversion/somatization disorder is discussed, but not officially diagnosed, because the testing for that takes ages. Frankly, I'm inclined to agree with only a few of these. But, I'm an obsessive, perfectionist who studies Psychology in college, so what the Hell do I know? I'm Borderline, with traits and features of Dependent, Avoidant, and Narcissistic. Dysthmic Depression, with PTSD and OCD. There's also the issue of the Somatization Disorder. And, we'll just leave it at that, with what I'm aware of, as of today. 

My deepest fear is losing my mind, more than I already have. Or, finding that I've lost my mind a long time ago, and the life I've been living has been a fictional creation, forged in my madness. Time and again, I find my entire perception of reality was created by my madness and is, inherently, wrong. I fear becoming Schizophrenic or that I am, already - and don't realize it. I fear one day living in a psychiatric hospital or mental institution, because I've become too far gone to manage the real world.

All-in-all, "Fuck it, let's see how this goes." I'm broken and damned, but I'm working, diligently, on my mental health. I'm in college, but only half-time. I'm working as a temp at a staffing company, because it's the easiest position I could find. I've taken a role of responsibility in my social life, becoming the leader of a club/community. I take my medication and I'm looking for an affordable therapist. I'm trying to enjoy my life, despite being a complete emotional trainwreck and neurotic mess. Let's see how this goes.

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Hi, Core, and welcome to Crazyboards.


I ask all new members to read the rules.  You might not want to follow them, but look them over to humor me. :)


We have had members quit CB in a fit of anger, but I want to say this to you at the outset:  I hope you will give us a chance, and if you do go away angry at some point, you will be welcome to return at any time.  We want this place to be a home in the interwebs for the Mentally Interesting people who don't quite fit in elsewhere.


Don't be afraid to contact one of the mods if you have any questions.



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