A compassionate borderline?

[MacadamiaNUT]

Right now, I am in a hotel room with my 92 year old grandmother with severe dementia and my mother.

We are here to try to help sort out my grandparents new living/care situation now that my grandpa has had a serious incident with his heart.

I offered to come here, to help, to possibly see my

Grandpa for the last time.. To do what I could. But, I guess like anybody would be (BPD or not) I'm stressed.. So overwhelmed.

So many things are coming at me, my grandparents aging and inevitable passing and the sadness around that, the difficulty caring for and supporting someone with dementia 24/7, trying to comfort my grandpa who is still very weak and extremely depressed, trying to help my mom work through the myriad of legal and financial challenges/red tape to get them into a nursing home that's affordable and appropriate.

That's the backdrop of my current issue.

today, the stress became too much for my mom (understandably) and she broke down crying.

All I could do was stare and stay quiet. Instead of empathy or compassion, I felt something like annoyance and frustration. I felt cold hearted.

My mom and I have our issues, but I love her. I sat there knowing I should be encouraging and caring, knowing we are both struggling.. But I couldn't.

This happens sometimes. I'm normally very empathetic and loving, patient., genuine But sometimes, I just can't, and then I worry if I'm a bad person, or cruel, or something?

I selfishly just want to crawl under the covers and hide from everyone.. And not deal with anyone else's emotions. I have too many of my own

[tryp]

Having BPD has nothing to do with compassion or empathy.

 

You are stressed.  Anybody would be.  You have a condition that makes it hard for you to cope with stress, compared to others.  When people get stressed and overwhelmed, at times they just don't have the resources to reach out and comfort others.  It doesn't mean you're cruel - it just means you're overwhelmed and your own feelings are taking up all your mental "space".  That's okay.

 

Maybe when you are both calmer, you can let your mother know that you love her and want to support her, but that you are also struggling.

[bpladybug]

what your family is going through is very difficult

it wears people down and it is emotional

 

it is extremely stressful so take care of yourself

[Bellatrix]

It's okay to put yourself first when you need to. 

 

Not being able to be 100% compassionate 24/7 makes no one a bad person.

[MacadamiaNUT]

Thank you, it's nice to have the reassurance. Sometimes, it's hard to know whether my response to certain difficult situations is "normal"

When I believe that it's not, I get caught in guilt.

[Teacup]

My therapist tells me all the time "any emotion is appropriate at any given time".

Recognize your fears of seeming unempathetic as being nothing more than a judgement.