Respectful greetings, fellow crazies.
I've recently ramped-up on Wellbutrin: 150mg for 6 days and then 300mg for 12 days (18 days total). Overall it's slightly helping the multitude of mental illnesses I have (TRD, "Pure" OCD, other stuff).
However. About 7 days after hitting 300mg Wellbutrin I started experiencing incredibly intense anxiety primarily (physically shaking, gut-churning, mind-racing, skin-crawling kind). I also started feeling erratic, intense irritability and even anger - (verbally) lashing out at my kids and other unpleasant out-of-character behaviour.
I've seen anxiety from Wellbutrin reported 100's of times before but I couldn't find information on how to combat it. This is because normally people just stop taking it (which makes eminent sense) but that's not an option for me since I'm 23 years TRD (including resistance to ECT, dTMS and Ketamine) and this is one of the last combos left. In other words I'm beyond desperate to give it every chance of working that I humanly can.
I'm now gonna blurt out my questions and suggestions and hope that some of you can identify or comment from your own experience:
I have some Valium left over and taking that does take the edge off of the severe emotions. However taking benzo's long-term is generally undesirable, hence has anyone taken a non-benzo adjunct/augmenting med that actually helps tone down the insane anxiety? If so, what was it? how long did the intense anxiety last for those who experienced it? 2 weeks? a month? until you stopped the med? did anyone have success in simply reducing dose back to 150mg or even lower? Did you find 150mg sufficient to lift your mood? I'm on 300mg XL as of today (was on 2x150mg XL 'til now). Have folks had different experiences (anxiety-wise) with the IR or SR versions? E.g. would switching to 3xIR be an avenue worth chasing? any other relevant insights or experiences would also be most welcome. May the Gods of mental health be with you,
Since starting Wellbutrin last august i have felt fairly stable as far as my depression goes. I have felt normal and sometimes almost upbeat in a way that did not slip into euphoria. I started taking Ritalin last year or this year due to insurance issues with my nuvigil for narcolepsy. I also had a......traumatic?? life experience where I learned that my husband had cheated on me and may have gotten this girl knocked up. We are trying to work things out, and I've been dealing, but it is hard. It constantly plays through my mind. She is always between us. That had a big triggering effect on me. Since then, back in April, I have been utilizing my support group and working on building myself back up and redefining my reality. It is a lot of work, but I have managed and I am learning to deal with it better.
Lately though, I have felt my anxiety crawling up. I have also been super emotional. Crying for no obvious reason (in that moment, i will be fine and then something as minor as a sigh can trigger tears). I am aware that wellbutrin can cause issues with anxiety. Mine has always been very high though. Can anxiety cause you to cry like depression does? I'm not saying I'm not depressed right now....Just...I don't even know what I am trying to say or ask. I can't think. My thoughts are so disorganized right now. I did have two cups of coffee this morning..
One day I'll be perfectly fine and stable. The next day I may be overly emotional. The next day I may be good again. The next,awful or bad. I started keeping a mood chart about a month ago and it looks like an active seismograph! From day to day I cannot say how I might feel. To my knowledge I have not been diagnosed with rapid cycling anything, but my pdoc is still getting to know me. I was already medicated when I started seeing him with tweaks here and there.
I've also learned I do not deal well with change. My husband started a new job and works as a mechanic during the day and a tow truck driver on nights and weekends so it feels like he is always gone. It going to take a lot of adjustment and I have not been handling it well.
I've spent the last year applying for jobs and I cannot get hired anywhere. Part of me is thankful because I"m not sure how I would handle working around people, but a part of me is highly disappointed because I want to work. It feels so controversial. I do not want to just bum around and be completely dependent on anyone, but at the same time I am TERRIFIED of getting into the workforce again. I haven't worked in years because I have been home caring for children. Now, they are all in school and I worry, if I find a job then who will be home with them when they are sick? Who will take them to appointments? Things like that. What if I get a job and I can't control my emotions? I break down or have a very irritable day/s? I stay irritable. I always have. I can fake the happy personality, but I won't excel at my job doing that I don't think. I learn slow. I would once again have to adjust to something new. I avoid watching most tv, and listening to a lot of music as well as being around most people because I'm worried I'll be triggered into one emotion or another and not be able to pull myself out of it.
People have asked me more than once why have I not applied for SSI?
It seems so final I guess. I guess I'm worried that there will be no turning back if I do that. What else am I going to do though? I'm not doing anything currently except for being a money pit. I need to do something to help our household. I feel...what is the word...inept? useless? I'm not sure. I do not even know if my symptoms are uncontrolled enough to qualify if that is a thing. Do you have to be constantly uncontrolled to qualify?
I am sorry the post was so long. I apologize again for being all over the place. I needed to get all of that out, but I had no idea how.
I tell everyone that "I am fine." /sigh
So I suffer from split thinking quite a lot. People are good, or they're bad. No in between. And when they're bad, I go apeshit crazy. Fuckin mad episodes of rage.
For those with BPD (or any of the cluster B personalities), how do you control your anger/impulses when your emotions skyrocket?
By The one lurking behind you
Long time no post and I wanted to pop in and get chatting about something that's recently cropped up for me and got me thinking about things. So I'll cut to the chase. I've recently been enrolled in some group therapy after a few years of no meds/therapy/contact with mental health services. After the group I had a chat with the therapist running it and explained about the intense mood changes I'd been having etc. Anyway, she put me in touch with someone who gave me a phone assessment and the questions asked seemed to be the checklist for Borderline. She then said, "ah yes it sounds like Emotional Intensity". This is something I've never heard before in this context. I've heard of emotions being intense or emotional intensity as a symptom but she seemed to use it as a diagnostic term.
I did some googling and discovered that Boderline is starting to be "rebranded" as EmOtional Intensity (here's one of the articles I found http://www.awp.nhs.uk/news-publications/trust-news/2016/march/raising-awareness-of-emotional-intensity-disorder/ )
I wondered, have you ever heard of this Emotional Intensity term being used and what are your thoughts on it?
I have had great success taking Trintellix (10mg) along with a small dose of Klonopin (.5mg) for a little over a year to control anxiety. However, I have recently noticed that the smallest thing can make me really angry. Often this is when I am under some stress (that's another issue -- I stress out extremely easily, but that has ALWAYS been an issue). This is anger directed at others, not usually myself (although I feel quite guilty once I realize that it was no big deal). Sometimes it's pretty bad anger (and I'll nag and give lectures to my kids, for example, for very little reason); other times it's just being extremely annoyed (usually it's the latter).
I have always been the type to get stressed over little things; the Trintellix has not helped with that (but has helped tremendously with anxiety/panic). However, I feel like I'm angry much more often than I used to be. Could it be that I need to up my dosage from the 10mg? Or could it be that Trintellix can actually cause anger? Or could it be that consistent therapy is in order (can this sort of thing be "cured")? I feel like I'm ruining my marriage because I get angry at every little thing my husband does/doesn't do.
One additional note: I am post-menopausal (about 4 years; went through menopause young). Could hormones still be at play? I do have a ton of hot flashes still, so I know I haven't completely adjusted.
Thank you for any input!