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I used to be very happy and funny guy who loved dancing and enjoyed going out with friends until one night I got drunk
and someone put drugs in my drinks.I still dont know what that drug was but I felt like my legs were burning and I became very agressive and delusional.I got locked up for trying to brake into a house and send into a mental hospital.
 
I was forced to take zyprexa for 3 months.
 
Since then I lost all feelings and emotions. For all I mean: fear, love, hate, envy,everithing.I've Lost all my friends. No desire to live, I feel like an empty shell. Complete lack of creativity, lack of social skills
Lack of empathy, lack of motivation and a sense of accomplishment.
5 months ago I stopped taking zyprexa but I have no improvement and Im beginning to think that my brain is permanently damaged by these drugs.

 

Is there any hope that my brain will recover?
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If you are considering suicide, please call a suicide hotline or check yourself into a hospital.

 

The symptoms and timing you described in chat and what you're describing now sound more like an ongoing mental illness rather than someone spiking your drink with amphetamines and then having to take Zyprexa for 3 months.   I'm basing this partly on the fact that you were diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder in the hospital and not acute intoxication.

 

What you're feeling now is likely not from the drugs.  Which sucks.  But you can recover nonetheless if you get the appropriate treatment.

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I've gotten better after my first psychotic break. After multiple ones even I pretty totally recovered.

I have some things that persist at this point, but likely from repeatedly cracking because it's happened a lot for considerable time added up since then, so it takes a lot longer, but still the zyprexa offers a barrier to keep my mind together a lot. That for me though.

Also, with time, for me, if it's negative/cognitive symptoms, if I force self to continue with social shit even when it sucks and so forth some things have helped and it has gotten better if just takes a while. I did have long term care after a shattering several years ago, however, and they've plagued me off and on since. I didn't get as many negative symptoms for the first decade or so after being diagnosed, though. Unsure if that's what you could be experiencing?

Sorry I can't be of more help but I do hope you're feeling better soon and welcome. Oh! And I've been prescribed and also given ok to take things to try and treat negative symptoms. Have you asked your psychiatrist about that possibility or have you had them (negative/cognitive symptoms) before?

If not, or if is medication side effects, did you only stop or did you switch to something else?

Hope your care providers offer some other options and maybe inquire about possible negative/cognitive symptoms of ailment to get information because there are more out there than just zyprexa. Have you done any therapy or other things? Best to you

Edited by mellifluous
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  • 3 weeks later...

I had the same thing happen to me. Drug induced psychosis. (several of em)...... then a MASSIVE psychotic break that really needed meds to bring me back. That was a year ago and it's been a horrible year. But that's over now. I'm getting better and am starting to move on with life.Finally

 

When I started anti psychotics (I started with Risperidone) I lost ALL the colour out of the world. There was no pleasure, no emotions, NOTHING. It was the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I quit my job, moved back to my parents, and waited for death to come. I couldn't feel a conversation, couldn't appreciate music... of any kind... it became just another noise. I couldn't connect with people. Coz I didn't care. About anything. Just a zombie.

 

I know it was the APs. I don't care what everyone else says it IS the APs. I begged my doctors to take me off them but instead they just changed my meds. I went from risperidone to Olanzapine and finally to Abilify. All the while still feeling this nothingness. (Abilfy I did experience some improvement).

 

I finally decided to quit taking them altogether and just stick with my anti-depressant. And NOTHING changed... Well not right away.

 

It's been 5 months since I quit APs altogether and now I feel that I am now back to the person that I was before. A human. With real feelings and emotions. 

 

So I guess it takes a while for your good ol' brain to shake that shit off. 

 

So yeah it is a shit experience but at the end of the day, I NEEDED an anti psychotic at the time... it saved me. But it is a bitch of a process.

 

It will get better.

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I did not care for the way zyprexa made me feel (for me it was mainly extreme sedation and rapid weight loss) but I found that it was very effective in keeping the psychosis at bay.  

 

The zyprexa is likely out of your system by now, but I suggest you look into "negative symptoms" because it sounds like you have them.  They include anhedonia, poor hygiene, and a flat affect.  

 

For me, going on the drug wellbutrin has been the only thing to help counteract the negative symptoms.

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  • 2 months later...

Yeah, olanzapine does suck some. I put on 30 kg's since I started via a compulsory treatment order. It is not nice to feel railroaded into something and have your personal choices taken away. It upset me mostly as I had been asking for help and didn't feel I needed a compulsory order. So, oh yes can I relate.

At the same time. Olanzapine does stop psychosis for me. I sleep for 12-14 hours a day which sucks. I am not psychotic though and that is good. But at what cost.

Also, olanzapine has a reasonably short half life, so ongoing effects, well I don't know about months. It can be hard to stop and even induce psychosis by stopping sometimes weirdly.... And then there's the freakin insomnia.... Yuk. I am trying to stop atm after being on for 6 years. Has been hard going. I am very pleased to have been stable on half the dose which I will take as a win.

Olanzapine started bad.... Probably took a couple of years for me to acclimate and be able to work (though only part time due to the excessive time spent sleeping and feeling numb.

Sounds like you had a horrid experience.

Antipsychotics do work. Unfortunately they have side effects. Olanzapine is way better for me than Thorazine or seroquel which I was on years ago....

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I'm sorry you're struggling.  I have to agree with dianthus and some of the others that it sounds like an ongoing mental illness.  Are you currently seeing a psychiatrist?  If so, you should contact him/her and let them know how you are feeling.

 

FWIW, Zyprexa brought me out of a 10 year stint of rapid cycling and, I believe, is keeping me stable now.  But meds affect everyone differently.

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