HeidiHeidiHo Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Hi. While I'm not new to the world of "crazy", I am new to the CrazyBoards world. So I guess I better introduce myself. I'm a 43 year old, stay at home mother of two. I have been diagnosed with panic disorder for 13 years and depression for 4. There has been discussion as to whether I have BiPolar II, though no official diagnosis yet. I used to be able to handle my panic/anxiety with medication without much issue....until 2 years ago. Out of nowhere, I started having panic attacks while driving. This is especially problematic when you live in the suburbs and have 2 school-aged kids that need to go places. At first I thought I could fight my way through it (because clearly I didn't learn that lesson when I was first diagnosed). I tried dose changes, med changes, breathing exercises, hypnosis. Nothing worked long-term. I got myself to driving back roads for a year and a half, only to lose that ability again a few weeks ago. It is very frustrating, not just to me but to my whole family. Meds. Ah, meds. I've been on so freakin' many, alone and in combinations. I have been told that my anxiety is "treatment resistant". And to make things worse, I am prone to side effects. Sleepiness is the worst culprit, but I have had other side effects plague me over the years. I was on Celexa 50 mg and Provigil 200 mg for 8 years, which kept the panic at bay the best. But I was hospitalized for severe depression that stemmed from Celexa withdrawal (long story, thank you insurance company), the doctors said I never should've been on such a high dosage. They switched me to Cymbalta, which is what started me on my 4 year odyssey to find the right medication and dosage to handle my panic and depression. Still haven't found it yet. I don't work, because I can't. I'd love to. I miss the fulfilling sense of accomplishment I had while working, plus my family could certainly use the money. But between the debilitating depression and the fact that I can't drive anywhere, there's no way I can hold down a job. Another frustration. Lately, I'm battling that dreadful feeling again that my family would be better off without me. I'm too much of a burden and not enough of a benefit. I'm trying very hard to stay out of what I call "the black hole". Some professionals think it's chemical/heredity, some think it's a result of my childhood, some think it's situational. I don't know who is right. I just know I don't want to feel like this anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Level_With_Me Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 A few years ago I would say around 7 years I was being treated for MDD with 80mg Celexa. I don't remember how it was getting off it. I now am on 60 mg Celexa a day along with 450mg Wellbutrin XL for depression and concentration. Well anyways welcome and come check out chat sometime. I'd like someone new to talk to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Heidi, welcome to Crazyboards. I ask all new members to read the rules, just so we're all on the same page. If that is your real name, you should know that this place is indexed by Google. If you would like to be anonymous, you might contact an administrator and ask to change your user name. If that's not your name, just ignore me. I hope you enjoy meeting our members. It's a great bunch of people here. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessamine Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 (edited) Hi, I'm not new but haven't been on in a while (sometimes the black hole of anxiety needs company, sometimes it just needs to fester on it's own). I am very similar to you. Stay at home Mum of 3 (only stay at home because of my severe anxiety). I've had it for over 10 years, it's crippling. I was also somewhat stablized on Celexa for 9 months, not "normal" just marginally better than without medication. Like you I am plagued by all manner of side effects with anything they give me, some of them have been so bizarre it's taken a phone call to the drug company to even figure out if that's what was causing it. I'm sorry you have yet to find your answer (or any answer for that matter). Hopefully you will find something soon. I am about to embark on a journey of cymbalta (choice between it and lexapro which is similar enough to celexa that I'm not sure it's worth trying). Welcome to the boards Edited June 26, 2014 by Jessamine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix_Rising Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 Hello and Welcome to Crazyboards! Trying to find the "right" medication or combo thereof can feel like an exercise in futility. I have BPII and rapid-cycled for 10 years before being put on Zyprexa (and a host of other meds). The Zyprexa worked like a charm. Please try not to lose hope. I think you'll find that a lot of people on Crazyboards have struggled with finding the right medication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiHeidiHo Posted June 26, 2014 Author Share Posted June 26, 2014 Thank you for welcoming me, everyone. While it makes me sad to hear of other people going through similar struggles, I guess there's truth to the saying "misery loves company". It's an odd comfort to know you're not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
writehellarandomshiny Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Welcome to the board, Heidi. I hope that you enjoy your stay and are able to find support here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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