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Been struggling with some urges this week.....

 

I will stay sober today:

 

-Because I'm trying to lose weight, and it fucks with my metabolism (not the best reason, but it is what it is)

 

-Because I'm tapering off Klonopin right now and it would interfere with that process

 

-Because it fucks with my sleep

 

-Because it is an embarrassing "teenage" drug to do, and I'm a 31 year old woman

 

-Because I feel physically/mentally better when I DON'T do it.... and feel more confident the more I fight the urges

 

-Because it's a beautiful fall day out, I have the day off, and I'd rather go for a long bike ride

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Been struggling with some urges this week.....

I will stay sober today:

-Because I'm trying to lose weight, and it fucks with my metabolism (not the best reason, but it is what it is)

-Because I'm tapering off Klonopin right now and it would interfere with that process

-Because it fucks with my sleep

-Because it is an embarrassing "teenage" drug to do, and I'm a 31 year old woman

-Because I feel physically/mentally better when I DON'T do it.... and feel more confident the more I fight the urges

-Because it's a beautiful fall day out, I have the day off, and I'd rather go for a long bike ride

I think it's a legitimate reason. It's certainly a motivator, if nothing else. Edited by Flash

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Because it can mess with my memory and I forget things that happened.

 

Because dealing with a hangover means losing most of the next day.

 

(edited for relevance)

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Plenty of reasons but none of them seem to stop me. I've spent another weekend getting wasted and I'm drinking as I type this. Tomorrow I'll feel drained and ashamed of myself. I'll be too tired to do anything productive but when I try to sleep I won't be able to. It'll be a dreamless, feverish sleep where I wake up feeling cold and covered in sweat. My stomach will hurt and I won't be able to eat properly for a couple of days, and I'll think how stupid I've been to do this to myself. Then I'll do it again.

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Sobriety gives me a sense of freedom I didn't have before

I don't have to "find a fix"

I look healthier and feel healthier

I don't put myself or others at risk when I'm sober

I don't make an ass of myself when I'm sober

Life is too damn good to get high today

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Because I say - Uh Huh, right on - to everything you guys have already said.

 

Because I'm just too old to keep doing the same thing over and over and over.

 

Because my body just can't take it anymore.

 

Because I started on a new path a year ago - taking meds and having a pdoc and tdoc.

How the hell can I really tell if this stuff is helping me? 

 

Because it's a crazy cycle - fall in the hole, drink, lose a few days, feel total shame, try

to climb out of the hole, a few days pass and I'm feeling better, feel good for several

days, fall in a hole, drink - repeat, repeat, repeat...

 

Because everything about it is ridiculous.

Edited by Rhetorical disease
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Because I say - Uh Huh, right on - to everything you guys have already said.

 

Because I'm just too old to keep doing the same thing over and over and over.

 

Because my body just can't take it anymore.

 

Because I started on a new path a year ago - taking meds and having a pdoc and tdoc.

How the hell can I really tell if this stuff is helping me

 

Because it's a crazy cycle - fall in the hole, drink, lose a few days, feel total shame, try

to climb out of the hole, a few days pass and I'm feeling better, feel good for several

days, fall in a hole, drink - repeat, repeat, repeat...

 

Because everything about it is ridiculous.

 

^^^ this.

bolded part especially.

 

this morning i am re-hydrating.  at lunch with my main meal i will take the meds i didn't take last night.  and i will not drink alcohol today.  not for obsessing, not for anxiety, not for the nightmares.  definitely not "just a little while i make dinner" which was the beginning of the end last night.  no booze.

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and to say it again for myself in particular: because i don't want to be like my father.  thanks, dad.

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I will stay sober

-Because I feel physically/mentally better when I DON'T do it.... and feel more confident the more I fight urges

^ yes, exactly this

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So that I don't fuck up any opportunities that may arise...even small ones like being able to have a tad more confidence (unlike withdrawing when secretly drinking) so that I may stand a better chance at socializing with others.

(I am practicing expanding my ability to tolerate the discomfort that comes with being more social). My tolerance decreases significantly when drinking in secret because I withdraw not wanting anyone to discover my "secret".

Eventually, an alcoholic is found out. The thought mortifies me that other moms, neighbors, my kids teachers, and most of all, my kids are getting older, wiser. Their mom is already crazy. I don't want to add to that..don't want them to have what they'll come to know as an alcoholic mother who constantly disappoints them.

Edited by Teacup

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Because I've already lost everything meaningful, and I'll never get it back if I keep this up.

 

Because I'm too young to be fucking up this bad.

 

Because I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

 

Because The Rooms offer more hope than use ever has.

 

Because the rebound anxiety is crippling.

 

Because I hate not feeling my mood symptoms and not being able to tell what's real and what's withdrawal.

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Because alcohol costs actual money. That's my main motivator.

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So my therapist won't be disappointed, disgusted and give up on me.

So I won't spiral downwards (even more so than I feel right now).

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So I can stay alert and present with my kids and emotions.

So that I do not give my husband the upper hand in proving my incapabilities in caring for the children.

If I am drunk, I do not feel respect for myself, and therefore, am less likely to demand respect from my husband.

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