I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago.
Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basically sent me home after giving my dose of larzapam i didn't take in the afternoon cause i doesn't help. My theory of it is it didn't help before the latuda what is gonna make it work coming off latuda or after off.. I remember why i drank now.. I didn't need to feel this then.. I want to drink so bad and wont cause I've been clean 6 yrs April will be 7 and i worked to hard to get here and refuse to prove others right. Im so so messed up i cant sleep cant watch TV cant color yet dont want to do any of the above either but if i dont sleep i hurt... has anyone felt this way.. It sux cause the battle to find meds to work will start tomorrow cause my liver doesn't process meds it flushes them out.. oh well sorry just needed to vent and hope someone can help
I regret not dropping this tdoc after the 2nd session. There are great therapists and terrible ones....just because they have a PhD and experience, doesn't make them brilliant or amazing. Who's on your bad therapist list? The patronizing, blaming, insensitive ones? Or ones that don't listen, understand, or communicate clearly? They make assumptions, judgements, no clue.
I kept my cool, dignity and respect, despite getting shut down with an earful of patronizing comments (obviously trying to trigger me or chase me out of the clinic, one of the two). Invalid assumptions about me, none of which resonated at all, not true to my experience and dude left me no space to interject. Simply expressing disagreement with him means I'm "oppositional" Hmm. OK.
2nd session was told I have a "lack of commitment and effort" toward my mental health. How insulting, great. Are you f&cking kidding me? 20 years of therapy, loads of self-help, discipline, hospitalizations, med compliant, healthy lifestyle. I've DONE a lot of work. Stuck with all therapists consistently. I keep going and continue to try. WHY ELSE WOULD I PAY AND COME SEE YOU 6 TIMES?
The reply....."(gives exaggerated sigh) Obviously, you've never had any therapists that have challenged you before, they probably let you talk... this is why you haven't recovered. I'm experienced, LOADS of my clients fully recover in 3-6 months" How presumptuous, you know nothing of my previous therapists or me yet, maybe I'm not like "all your clients." 🙄
[Edit : Endnote] The session ended on a most dis-empowering note. He said (with a pity look in eyes) "Maybe you won't and can't get any better, or change, maybe you should give up, you shouldn't even try...." I have never in my life had a therapist encourage me to give up and not try.
In fact, that comment is exactly what pushes a vulnerable client AWAY from seeking help. A client like me, who has struggled with decades of hopelessness. Thanks for nothing insensitive asshat.
Many ways to lose a therapy client. End of Rant.
as you might know, i'm doing EMDR right now. if you do any reading about EMDR, the first thing that usually comes up is how effective it is for trauma particularly, but also for depression, anxiety, etc. i do not have or suspect a PTSD diagnosis and do not suffer with the effects of trauma. i'm actually doing EMDR for personality disorder (OCPD) treatment.
we only just started, but i have really high hopes based on how the first real session went. we focused on my belief that i cause people to leave me by not being good enough, even the cases of people moving for work/school or my dad's heart attack. this belief had been causing me a good deal of trouble recently, because a very good friend of mine just moved to another province with her boyfriend. at the end of the session, i had a crystal clear thought -- it's not my fault she left, and my actions wouldn't have made her stay. i feel far more at peace with her moving now, and no longer feel personally afflicted by it, aside from the usual feelings of missing our usual meetups. so, it might just be placebo so far, but i'm feeling encouraged that this might help untangle my other really deep-seated negative beliefs.
has anyone else tried EMDR for non-trauma reasons? or, would you consider it?
I wonder if I have too high expectations, am jaded or a hopeless case. But I've only had 1 Therapist in 20+ years of regular therapy that I felt was pretty decent, who helped me progress & feel better (and I've seen at least 15).
Beyond obvious traits like: good listener, observant, empathetic, caring, dedicated, positive, clear communicator, transparent, proactive, validating, non-judgemental, intelligent (and someone who simply just understands & "gets" you.) Nobody's perfect, but..
What other traits, qualities, behaviors make a great therapist? Have you ever had one that totally meets your criteria? I am so sick of settling and trying to find someone who can really help me. I give everyone like 4-5 session trial at least. Maybe I just need to quit altogether, go at it alone and try harder to help myself 😢
I know that EMDR is typically used to treat PTSD but if you read the fine print at https://www.emdria.org/page/emdr_therapy (grr, proper hyperlinking is broken with "There was a problem loading this content.") , it's applicable for "... Panic Attacks, Dissociative Disorders, Phobias, Pain Disorders, Performance Anxiety, Stress Reduction...". And I have most of those and more. Not to mention that PTSD is probably 99% comorbid with depression.
Anyway, has anyone tried EMDR for depression and/or OCD? How about those with depression who don't have "hallmark" PTSD symptoms (flashbacks, vivid nightmares etc.) ? I'm a Treatment Resistant Depression & OCD & Chronic Pain "lifer" who's tried pretty much everything (e.g. hypnotherapy, ECT, MAOI's, Ketamine...) and am basically scraping the barrel, kind of pretend-hoping that there's a treatment that will actually make a dent in my daily suffering.
FTR I don't have the "hallmark" symptoms of PTSD but my depression and OCD stem from a traumatic period 23 years ago (got dumped, got severely depressed, was literally terrified I was going to kill myself) that has destroyed every day of my life since. The only things that have helped me somewhat to date are MAOI's with stimulants and ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention therapy https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/).
Any tips/accounts/info would be warmly appreciated.
P.S. nuts, I just noticed there's a "Therapy - The Other Half of the Puzzle" forum. I guess the Mods can move this there if they so wish.