Starting with a new therapist who does psychoanalytic-type therapy. She is focused on tuning into the subconscious mind, because our conscious mind apparently only accounts for like 5% lived experience. We spend entire session in unstructured conversations and she questions my associations in detail.
I spent decades on behavioral-focused therapies (CBT, DBT) thinking that it's "my fault" (or fault of my genes) that i cannot regulate my moods, crying spells, negative ruminations. I've failed those sorts of therapies, always trying to "force change" my conscious thought patterns & behaviors. I'm beginning to believe that maybe I have repressed & unprocessed trauma, much of which I cannot remember. I spend a lot of time dissociated, trying to go about my day.
I've been reading about the effect of subconscious trauma, and the symptoms of it. Having large memory gaps... Chronic fatigue...Always plagued with irrational feelings that come out of nowhere... they say that in order to access the memories is to return the brain to the same state of consciousness as when the memory was encoded...but what if you were under the influence or in an unsafe situation? What if you were 4 years old? How do you even access the actual experience, if you don't remember the specific event?
I am afraid to go down this road and open a Pandora's box of feelings, random associations, and impressions that I won't be able to make sense of. Consciously, I do not think about any specific events or trauma from the past....Some doctors say that efforts to uncover potential memories stand a strong chance of creating false recollections and narratives that could harm, distress, and destabilize.
Can recovering repressed trauma actually be psychologically damaging? Memory itself is not reliable, and extremely malleable; no matter how strong and vivid memory may be, the human mind is desperately prone to fallibility.
Just bailed on my teletherapy with a new therapist.... I'm trying this online therapy site (due to quarantine) and I really want to quit. Every week I dread the call and feel like it's not helping me. I don't feel upset, I just feel avoidant, bugged, apathetic, like I'm not "in the mood" to talk at all.... Yet I know it's "good for me" and I'm stuck. Feeling guilty...
The initial therapist I had (6 sessions with) said she is making a "career transition" and is suddenly no longer be available. She was nice & whatever, but really too green,( I was about to switch anyway). They assigned me to another person and I don't really connect with her profile (haven't talked to her yet) I just feel so much resistance right now....
Maybe I'm not committed enough at the moment. I don't know what's going on...?
I've seen dozens of therapists for 20+ years, it feels totally counter-productive at this point (at least for chronic depression). I always end up feeling worse (before session and after session)....I've read most of the books they suggest, tried all the CBT, DBT, Mindfulness....Longterm therapy is also a huge financial burden.
I'm feeling really done with processing shit, repeating stuff over & over. All the talking and tracking moods makes me much more self-absorbed than I already am. Then nothing really changes!!! Despite my efforts.
Meds are not helping either, so I feel like a hopeless case. Maybe I just stick to the emotionally numbing meds and just accept that this is my life and I can't change?
What are your experiences?
Hi, I am kitties. I am a newbie here, but not to illness. I have chronic pain 24/7 in my back and neck.
Mentally....here are my diagnoses (got a second and third opinion....all objective and a consensus of the exact same diagnoses.)
Bipolar 1 with psychosis, extreme, treatment resistant, rapid cycling. Mixed features predominant. Never had a remission to date...just a couple of weeks with my bipolar disorder. “Normal” for a few weeks a couple of times per year. No anxiety remission.
OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety disorder, PTSD...I think that is everything. Oh, I am significantly affected by a very strong dose of agoraphobia stemming from my PTSD and Panic Disorder.
I have a great psychiatrist and I e been in treatment with him a since 2006. I had a great therapist that had a co-transference issue and I ultimately ended my therapy with him. I have tried four therapists since firing the aforementioned therapist - but I unfortunately have lost faith in the process.
I am a night owl by nature and it has really ramped up since being declared disabled in 2009/SSDI/cannot work. I struggle with having a “routine,” although I have read that one with bipolar disorder tends to be more stable with a routine. I’m easily overstimulated so I like the quiet and darkness..
I know I have an eating disorder (anorexia, restricting type), but I politely yet firmly said I have had “eating issues” but I have no desire to “go there.” My psychiatrist respects that although I am subject to a monthly weigh-in and I self-manage it.
I am currently relapsing right now, unfortunately. But, I have had it for so many years that I know at what weight my body and mind take a turn for the worst. And I have to rein it back in and stop losing (meaning eat more). I’ll never seek treatment as the recovery model, IMO, is ridiculous. Kudos to those that have been able to “recover.”
I take a bunch of meds, mainly psych meds
I like to read, Enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. Internet. I like learning things, I am currently and reading up on world history (pre-USA). I keep up with psychology and sociology.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago.
Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basically sent me home after giving my dose of larzapam i didn't take in the afternoon cause i doesn't help. My theory of it is it didn't help before the latuda what is gonna make it work coming off latuda or after off.. I remember why i drank now.. I didn't need to feel this then.. I want to drink so bad and wont cause I've been clean 6 yrs April will be 7 and i worked to hard to get here and refuse to prove others right. Im so so messed up i cant sleep cant watch TV cant color yet dont want to do any of the above either but if i dont sleep i hurt... has anyone felt this way.. It sux cause the battle to find meds to work will start tomorrow cause my liver doesn't process meds it flushes them out.. oh well sorry just needed to vent and hope someone can help