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Unstrung Harp

Does it spook you (Robin Williams)?

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When you hear about celebrity suicide, or the suicide of a run-of-the-mill person, does it spook you? When I hear about a suicide, I feel sadness and empathy, and the tragedy of that loss, and I think about the times in my life when that could have been me. But even though I'm mostly stable, and haven't been suicidal in a year and a half, it always makes me think not only that that could have been me, but that maybe it still might be me someday, given the wrong set of circumstances and meds and head space. Maybe this is a dumb question, but I'm wondering if it gets to other people the same way, this feeling that at any time the dangerous thoughts and feelings can come back even if I've been stable, and that I might not always be as successful at fighting them off. Like I always have to be vigilant so that it doesn't sneak back up on me and get me.

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Yes.  It confirms suspicions that the world is not easy on those who are creative, sensitive or keenly aware.  But I suppose this will pass as well...

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I was in shock when I first heard this ... for me I dont' think it has really hit me yet.

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Yes. I am very shaken by this. I have dissociated for only the 3rd time in life.

 

:(  Take good care of yourself, mal.

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it makes me very depressed.

 

this man could afford the best treatment and they still could not prevent this outcome

 

how can I even hope for anything good

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I def felt like "Ha you see? You see how bad it sucks for everyone? And you can get that bad again. Intact you just did. So when will the next breakdown come?"

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I guess I was not shocked as much by the suicide as the death itself. I just can't believe he's gone. Yes, the fact that he died by suicide is sad, but it doesn't spook me.

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Idk if I'd use the word spooked, but yeah it hits home. I hated this:

As is evident from the tragedy of Robin William’s death, bipolar disorder can seem impossible to live with and devastate a family

Read more at http://www.commdiginews.com/entertainment/five-celebrities-besides-robin-williams-with-bipolar-disorder-23601/#dxvWbl7WGX7VG6BW.99

CB is always my first Internet visit and so I found out about his death in the news subforum here. I felt instantly glad of that - that all the comments came from educated and aware people.

I don't even know if the bipolar diagnosis has ever been verified, I do know that he was public about his addictions and depression and I respect him so much for that.

And yes ... it's proof that you can't even buy your way out of these things ... but we knew that already. I guess we can be glad we don't live under the same pressure and scrutiny that he did ...

Poor man. Poor family.

RIP dude ... safe travels.

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it is very upsetting to me that someone whom I admired and enjoyed so much, someone who was bipolar and' or had serious depression

could kill himself when he had so much to live for

 

it frightens me a lot

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Yes, it has upset me a lot. Took a few hours to sink in, but I've been crying since then. I was having a down day anyhow -- out of work, broke beyond words, feeling paralyzed by all of it -- and then my mom came by, which was exhausting (long story).

 

The news got to me because he's someone I've long admired. Just a few days ago I found myself wishing - not for the first time - that I could thank him and wish him luck with his struggles. One particular stand up tape got me and a friend through a painful college summer break full of family drama.

 

I get scared because it feels like beating this illness or whatever the fuck it is seems impossible when you hear about people who die from it. I know I will feel better, but right now it's hard to see.

 

I've been heartened by the many good things I've seen online, but I ended up in an argument with a really rude "journalist" who was making sarcastic comments. I had to get off twitter and stay off till I feel like I can go back to whatever arseholery will show up in my mentions.

 

I am scheduled to volunteer in the morning as part of my get-out-of-the-house plan, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make it that early. Already sent an email that I'm not feeling well and may miss. 

 

Damn it.

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Your question isn't silly.  I wasn't spooked by his death, but I do feel the entire thing to be unfortunate. I feel for those he left to pick up the pieces.  I feel for him.  To have such pain that suicide seems right, is a heavy thing and not unfamiliar.  However, I also feel that when someone has fought his entire life...  People get tired.  Sometimes people are forced to live.  Sometimes medications don't work.  Often times, they may. 

 

I think, there comes a time when one should be allowed to make that decision for himself.  He had an illness with which he struggled for such a long time.  Maybe this decision was made by his illness- and maybe it wasn't.  I would rather think that he reached a point in his life where he chose not to keep struggling.  I would like to think he was ready.

 

I don't want to be quick to rob him of his choice... because maybe it was him and not the illness that made this happen.

 

Which ever it is, the loss is still great for those that are left behind.

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Some celebrities deaths make me sad but don't affect me in the same way this has. Perhaps it's because he was older, perhaps because I admired him so much as both a person and an actor or perhaps because I can identify with the struggles of living with MI but his death in particular has left me with a real sense of disquiet.

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it makes me very depressed.

 

this man could afford the best treatment and they still could not prevent this outcome

 

how can I even hope for anything good

 

^^this

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**trigger** Totally freaking me out. Whenever I hear about any suicide, I get triggered, but knowing that he constantly struggled but succumbed at 63... Makes me feel like there is no hope and that it is inevitable.

 

it makes me very depressed.

 

this man could afford the best treatment and they still could not prevent this outcome

 

how can I even hope for anything good

 

 

Exactly.

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I'm not minimising his depression, just reminding everyone that is worried here that we don't know the whole picture (perhaps we never will) and also, his battles with addiction were publicly known and that could also have caused and/or complicated things.

Edited by saddest

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Your question isn't silly.  I wasn't spooked by his death, but I do feel the entire thing to be unfortunate. I feel for those he left to pick up the pieces.  I feel for him.  To have such pain that suicide seems right, is a heavy thing and not unfamiliar.  However, I also feel that when someone has fought his entire life...  People get tired.  Sometimes people are forced to live.  Sometimes medications don't work.  Often times, they may. 

 

I think, there comes a time when one should be allowed to make that decision for himself.  He had an illness with which he struggled for such a long time.  Maybe this decision was made by his illness- and maybe it wasn't.  I would rather think that he reached a point in his life where he chose not to keep struggling.  I would like to think he was ready.

 

I don't want to be quick to rob him of his choice... because maybe it was him and not the illness that made this happen.

 

Which ever it is, the loss is still great for those that are left behind.

 

I have mixed feelings about the issue of choice. I don't want to presume to understand somebody else's emotional world, but I know that exercising some sense of choice about putting one foot in front of the other even when I've felt like giving up has kept me alive this long, and I hope that it will continue to do so. At the same time, a central part of what MI does, and why it is so devastating, is that it takes away rational choice. It makes people feel like what it is now at this moment is how it will always be. It makes us weary. It makes us give up hope for improvement. Though acting on those feelings is understandable, I don't think it's rational, any more than acting on other voices may be understandable, but not rational. I don't think you can separate that out from the disease as some sort of conscious decision based on a presumed moment of clarity, because MI takes away clarity. I especially have mixed feelings about talking about suicide as a rational choice on here, because there are so many tricks our minds play on us when we're sick, and I think that that is one of them.

 

So whatever tricks my mind plays on me when I'm sick, I will never ever take the position on here that suicide is a rational choice for someone else to make. I will listen to them, I will empathize with their pain, I will maybe tell them how it has felt for me and how I have gotten through those moments. Maybe I will play a little bit of dirty pool and tell them how completely devastating it is to be on the other side of that, even knowing how much someone you love has been suffering and understanding how that suffering would lead where it did. Because I think that a big part of what we do here is keep each other going, and keep each other alive, and I think that is valuable.

 

James Brady's death was just ruled a homicide, thirty years after the shots that injured him. If I were to eventually die from depression, from an acute episode, or from the gradual whittling down of my brain and spirit by years of a disabling disease, it would be the disease that killed me, not a conscious rational choice.

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**trigger** Totally freaking me out. Whenever I hear about any suicide, I get triggered, but knowing that he constantly struggled but succumbed at 63... Makes me feel like there is no hope and that it is inevitable.

 

it makes me very depressed.

 

this man could afford the best treatment and they still could not prevent this outcome

 

how can I even hope for anything good

 

 

Exactly.

I'm a little worried that my having posted this is more triggering for people than helpful as a way for people to voice their fears. That was not my intention, and I'm sorry if I made people's anxieties or impulses worse rather than letting them vent them and get them out of their heads in a useful way. As saddest wrote, we don't and never will know the whole picture for Robin Williams, or really anyone else besides ourselves. MI sometimes robs us of hope that things can improve or that we will ever have periods of stability. But I don't think anything is inevitable for any of us, me included. Keep on keeping on. 

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