laauton Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 My name is Ann. I used to be on here a long time ago under another name but was gifted with a stalker. Few years have passed and I'm back because I need people to talk to that understand me. I'm tired of putting on the mask or being a jerk and throwing my mental illness in people's face that think I should be ahamed. My mother recently passed. She was my number 1 critic and abuser. When she learned I was bipolar she said, "I don't birth defects" but this is the same woman that shipped me off to boarding school and announced she was done raising kids when I was 14 and ignored me for the next 4 years leaving my sisters and a sexual abuser to pick me up from school on required home time. Now I'm back in therapy. I hate therapy. Brings up to many bad memories and leaves them open to swim around in my head, driving me to want to cut. Yes I know it's the anger and I've got to get it out but that's to beat down in me and I'm an internalizer to the point and cry about everything now. As for diagnoses I'm bipolar 1 with psychosis, rapid cycling and often mixed. Way to often mixed if you ask me. I also have borderline personality disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. Both taught and beat into me as a child. I've also have ptsd which is part of GAD and this was a gift from my family along with the sexual, mental, and physical abuse. Of the three I don't care what anyone says the mental abuse is the worst. It's made me into a crying simpleton that begs for love while being treated like crap. I've got no spine. Just ask my therapist. She gave me and ink pen today and said that's my spine until I can grow one. I'm almost 40 years old and I'm an emotional wimp that lets people walk all over her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3xEmonkey Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 I'm new here, and I have seen you in chat this evening. Thanks for being engaging. Is your spine blue or black ink? I find pens are my voice. My strength. Draw your strength from your new spine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saddest Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Hey Ann, welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Welcome back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Welcome back to our happy home. If you have something happen to you like that stalker, please contact a mod or admin. We can help you change your user name and shake the person off your trail. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Spine is a tough thing to grow. I hope we can help you learn to stand up for yourself a little. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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