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these injections are total bullshit!


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i'm outraged!!! well, that's not unusual, i spose, but

 

what fucking horseshit that i have to get my goddamned ass pumped full of haldol every so many days when the fucking shit isn't sufficient AND i'm declared treatment resistent and chronically psychotic and blah blah fucking blah?

 

this is fucking crap. i fail to see why i should have to be legally obliged to take these motherfucking injections when i still hear voices and they're all "you're delusional", oh, yeah, how about FUCK YOU! fix it then. so i'm not hearing shit and whatever thinking you think i'm doing

 

all

the

mother

fucking

time!!!

 

everyone in day programme's all, calm down, just stick with it, it helps more than you realize

 

FUCK ALL OF THEM!

 

nobody fucking hears me and i'm sick and fucking tired of it.

i take all the goddamned meds i'm prescribed and for what?

for
WHAT?

 

for fuck all is what. this isn't fair, right?

 

i don't have my weekly with my psychiatrist until thursday, i think...maybe wednesday. fuck if i know right now i'm peeved and just got home. hoping that someone out there will understand as nobody in my fucking in person life seems to give a flying fuck about how much they just pump me full of one thing after another FOR NO FUCKING GAIN.

 

they wonder if i'll discontinue after this court order is up and you god damned straight i will if it continues to be ineffectual. i mean, what's the point? get me to some decades later be all, ok, maybe i have a problem

 

a problem THEY CAN'T FIX so they just guinea pig me? fuck that noise. i made one fucking strategic error, totally by mistake, and now i'm on this treatment order and they can all fuck themselves.

 

speaking of, i think i do see him wednesday and have my next injection the same day. marvelous.

 

i don't know where this goes but given as how my fucking rights are being stomped all over, AGAIN, i figured here. i'm sure you'll just move it if not. x

 

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Sorry mel...that is total bullshit you have to deal with.

Fuck treatment orders. How much longer do you have?

They won't understand unless it's happening to them.

Then they'll realize the bullshit this life is.

The more you tell the more fucked you get.

Yet if you don't tell then ...fuck.

 

Meds haven't made the voices go away for me either. They don't understand.

I literally want to end my life over it...I fear nothing will ever work.

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thank you so much, teapot, butterfly and forget. xxx

it means a lot that you replied and understand. sometimes just being heard is enormous and I think this is one of those times.

I have until november 26th, that's the one year mark on the mandatory. they can try to extend though but I'm trying to not dwell on that. it only pertains to the injections (were prolixin depot and now haldol ) and not the other stuff, ironically given the other stuff actually does something. sometimes. maybe. this used to. fuck it

sorry you're not doing better, teapot, and hope there's something useful that comes for us all sooner than later.

best to all x

Edited by mellifluous
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I'm sorry....I know you've dealt with treatment resistant psychosis but have you tried another stint with Clozaril...you should attempt bringing it up with a doctor. It is the gold standard when dealing with treatment resistant psychosis. Good luck Melli <333

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Clozaril gave me unlivable side effects and I doubt I'd be able to be put back on it even if I requested, but I'm not going to take it again. I took it for several months, too, not just a quicky. It nearly killed me last time. If I'm just ready to go there are far less horrible ways to accomplish that goal, I assure you. Cheers for your well wishes x

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I am sorry things aren't working out

 

I've never managed to get myself in a treatment order - i'd be in constant trouble

 

although I think my current drs just want to see how I will off myself

 

but ehhh  I gotta fake 6 months of stability and then get my wls  and then hopefully I can go to a more competent dr -   this isn't the thread for me to gripe about my shitty treatment

 

but  I do want you to know I understand the frustration

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thank you frog and yarn. xx I'm so sorry you both understand this all too well, but I'm grateful for your support, kindness, and friendship.

I'm going to try and have a more relaxing evening than day and m made Greek salad for us for dinner, so that's positive. cheering you both as well xx

Edited by mellifluous
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I wouldn't much like being court ordered to have thinks shot in my ass, either, especially if they were not functional meds.  Hoping that the court order won't continue after the end of the 1 year period.  Also, I'm really sorry the voices are so disturbing to your quality of life.  Hoping tonight is relaxing for you.

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I'm sorry mell.  I don't know what it is like on a treatment order, but if I was and was given meds that weren't helping (and that I had no control over taking), I'd be as upset about it as you are.  I am truly sorry you have to deal with this.  3 more months and the treatment order will hopefully be over with.

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thank you koa, melissa and lys. xxx my partner wants me to try to talk to my psychiatrist today and i'm going to go to day programme and see.

 

i'm pretty sedate right now but i either have no affect or i'm furious about the situation. i just think it's unjust and i'm angry that my label results in my being discredited and "best case scenario" is this paternalistic do gooder bullshit of arguing it's "for my own good" which basically robs of basic human dignity. it's fucking bullshit.

 

i'm not going to get worked up about it if possible right now though as yesterday was not great and i have to not use expletives or they get their knickers all in a twist. which is also bullshit. everyotherfothermucker can curse all they want but, oh, no, it's different when it's me. that's the kind of legal and general double standard that just pisses me right off. everything i say is a "threat" but then other people make casual remarks and it's taken casually. that is something i wonder though, if my propensity for making "threats" with the exact content (i've never said "i want to murder that guy", but OTHERS do...i've heard people "threaten violence" and somehow that's, like, casual or ...sorry, i'm not very bright right now, i know there's a better way to explain that...but if i do say something, then it's like automatically taken differently).

 

that's prolly best for a different thread, though there are legal ramifications for some of us and not all of us and that just seems really fucking shitty.

 

hope you have good days today. the voices are not subsiding, but they're not escalating too much, so hopefully i'll have a good enough day, too. xx

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Melli! Dear heart... this is truly terrible... I wish that I could take ALL of the pain away cause I can hear it in your post! Really, you would think that they would at least be competent regarding meds that are injected into your body... ensure they are effective....

 

I'd sue the fuckers my love!!

 

All I can say is that I have "heard" you and I am "sorry" and that I think you are awesome and lovely and don't deserve this!

 

C xxxx

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I would be furious about being forced to medicate. Ugh. You have every right to be entirely pissed off. Especially since it's not working. I am thinking of you so much, and sorry that you are suffering.

 

thank you for your kind thoughts, mal. i appreciate it a great deal xx

 

Melli! Dear heart... this is truly terrible... I wish that I could take ALL of the pain away cause I can hear it in your post! Really, you would think that they would at least be competent regarding meds that are injected into your body... ensure they are effective....

 

I'd sue the fuckers my love!!

 

All I can say is that I have "heard" you and I am "sorry" and that I think you are awesome and lovely and don't deserve this!

 

C xxxx

 

ha! i would love to sue. i kinda feel like that'd not work out to my advantage. i've dealt with the courts before and they tend to not be favourable to me, you might say... they never fucking take my side because the second they slapped me with this fucking paranoid schizophrenic label it's like my word means about the equivalent of a dirty diaper; i.e. throw that shit out stat!

 

thank you so much for hearing and understanding, dear friend. much love  xx

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melli, that just sucks. Forced meds that don't work, what a shitty fucking system they have.

 

You're an incredibly smart and talented woman. You have a LOT of strength. I hate that the dx you were given makes people think otherwise. You're wonderful, and don't deserve this crap.

 

All the best. 

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because the second they slapped me with this fucking paranoid schizophrenic label it's like my word means about the equivalent of a dirty diaper; i.e. throw that shit out stat!

 

 

UGH.  I'm sorry your word doesn't mean much.  I can relate so I understand how this feels.  It's like you have no say in the matter.

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