Charlie Beaver Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) Had another sleepless night, hit up google for "forums for crazy people" and this is what I found, this forum. I won't bore ya with all the details at one time. That would be way too much writing! This last year or so has been pretty bad on the home front. My daughters who live with their mother nearly 2000 miles away have quit talking with me. No calls, email or texts answered or returned. My sister, this year and last, stole my visitation time period with my daughters. My daughter's mother has assisted... I don't really have the finances to get an attorney to fight the theft since I'm sending $8,000 a year to the bitch to raise my daughters. Feeling pretty much helpless in the situation, having gone through the pain and anguish of trying to discuss and solve this with the different parties, things just got worse. I finally just deleted all of their contact info, no numbers, addresses, emails..... I came to the conclusion that my sister, daughters and other associated parties are just dead to me. It took me months of painful consideration before taking the ax to all of their info. The final straw was this: My teenage daughters who live nearly 2000 miles away the rest of the year visited my sister who lives 4 miles away from where I live. I left messages begging them to call while they were here. They spent 3 weeks with my sister, 4 miles from my house, they never called. I've never abused or raised my hand to my daughters. They have been raised by their mother the last 16 years living almost 2000 miles away. I had routine annual visits until my sister stuck her fucked up fingers into the pie. Her sugar daddy finances better, fancier, expensive activities during the visits. My sister has effectively purchased my daughters' love and affection and somehow when I tried to regain MY time with MY daughters, I'm the bad guy. Vent over..... So here's the question and probably what brought me here in the first place: How do you know you are crazy? How do you get diagnosed with out big brother finding out? How do you get diagnosed when your income has recently stagnated/ended? (The metaphysical death of my daughters and sister has left me with the ah fuck it attitude, I'm not going back to work, living off of savings for a while, a year so far) Edited September 5, 2014 by Charlie Beaver Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I got diagnosed at a community health centre. Due to the nature of my diagnosis it was considered a working dx, but it gave me a jumping off point. Where I live community health is paid for by the taxpayer through various levels of government. Because we don't have electronic health records here I don't need to share it unless I want to. I'm curious what your intentions are when your savings run out? Maybe it's better to investigate your brand of crazy while you have them - perhaps you'd qualify for disability. It'd be good to have that set up (as I understand that the process can take years) while you still have some savings to live on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Beaver Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Thanks for the response. I plan on returning to work before my savings runs out. The nature of my work doesn't really allow a diagnosis as disabled or heavily medicated status. It's a license to work on a vessel, medication of any sort would at least require a waiver from the Coast Guard. I just feel that I'd like to avoid the possible denial of my Coast Guard License, hence, asking about prying eyes at a Dr office or ultimate privacy of my records. Everything near where I live is electronic records. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Beaver Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Part of the reason I want to be analyzed or tested for a mental illness is: 1. If you are crazy, you don't realize it. (myth or urban legend) 2. Something has gone terribly wrong for me to have lost my daughters. How much of it was my fault is a question that nags at me. I'd like to seek a third party opinion but no report to uncle sam. 3. I don't want it getting any worse.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Have you tried asking your daughters for their honest opinions about what makes you so difficult for them to tolerate? Maybe they can give you concrete examples of behaviours that drove them away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jigsawtooth Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I applaud you for looking inward to find a solution. I hope you can take WinterRosie's advice & get feedback that you can use to make things better for yourself and your daughters. Something else to consider: sometimes this stuff is out of our control. I'm not making excuses for you but sometimes Exes can give the kids an earful and (intentional or not) turn the child away from the other parent. I've seen this happen to my friends and now that i'm an adult, i realize my mom did this to me. It's hard to make mature decisions when you are a teen, and difficult to realize that money and fancy trips aren't everything. I grew out of that stage and i'm guessing your daughters might too. As long as you dont burn any bridges and continue to make yourself the best you can be by addressing any "crazy" problems that are within your control, you can prepare a safe landing for your kids when they do decide to become a part of your life again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I would keep the door open to your daughters. Put their contact information back into your phone or computer. Keep the lines of communication open. Someday they will grow up and start acting like adults, and they might want to contact you. I agree with Rosie that maybe you should just ask them what the problem is, and what you can do to put it right. I have 3 stepchildren who have gone through rocky periods with their father, but we always tried to call or write them regularly, even if they didn't respond. You're the dad--you have to act like the grownup, even when it makes you clench your jaw and grit your teeth. If you can't take medications, I would still try to find counseling. If you don't have an income, inquire at your county Mental Health office. It won't necessarily turn your life around, but the therapist might be able to offer some insights into your daughters' behaviors, and give you some tips for dealing with them as they move into adulthood. Welcome to Crazyboards. We are indeed crazy around here, but we're friendly and try to be helpful. I hope you continue to hang out with us. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Beaver Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 Have you tried asking your daughters for their honest opinions about what makes you so difficult for them to tolerate? Maybe they can give you concrete examples of behaviours that drove them away. I asked related questions, to no avail. Remember, there is no communication or it was only one sided... I would leave messages, no responses over a couple of months and pretty intermittent previous to that.... so, it's really not about them any more since they made the conscious decision to cut ties... and stood fast for a few months. Now, it is about my mental well being. They have died essentially, I must mourn and move beyond that situation. It's not about them any more. I have no expectations to ever reestablish contact with them. That would be as painful and damaging as the last 8 months, to have those expectations. Their choice of course but my arms will not be open if that were to happen. I'll listen but I will now remain guarded. Yeah, pretty much, they exist now as deceased... in fact that would have been less painful than the rejection of my own daughters.... and the betrayal of my sister, now deceased as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Beaver Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 I applaud you for looking inward to find a solution. I hope you can take WinterRosie's advice & get feedback that you can use to make things better for yourself and your daughters. Something else to consider: sometimes this stuff is out of our control. I'm not making excuses for you but sometimes Exes can give the kids an earful and (intentional or not) turn the child away from the other parent. I've seen this happen to my friends and now that i'm an adult, i realize my mom did this to me. It's hard to make mature decisions when you are a teen, and difficult to realize that money and fancy trips aren't everything. I grew out of that stage and i'm guessing your daughters might too. As long as you dont burn any bridges and continue to make yourself the best you can be by addressing any "crazy" problems that are within your control, you can prepare a safe landing for your kids when they do decide to become a part of your life again. Inward is all I can work on. They cut ties so there is no communication, about 6 months since a meaningless discussion about weather, a neutral topic. Yes, their mother is a verified problem. My youngest teen conveyed the mother refers to me as a dead beat dad. Laughable description since child support has been on auto pay the last 15+ years and no payments have been missed. Originally, I bought a house in the local area for them to stay local... the mother sold it and moved nearly 2000 miles away. Yep, work on myself, no expectations of them reconnecting to prevent additional pain, see what happens.... no burnt bridges since no more communication. All contact info is gone.... it's up to them... not holding my breathe.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Beaver Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 I would keep the door open to your daughters. Put their contact information back into your phone or computer. Keep the lines of communication open. Someday they will grow up and start acting like adults, and they might want to contact you. I agree with Rosie that maybe you should just ask them what the problem is, and what you can do to put it right. I have 3 stepchildren who have gone through rocky periods with their father, but we always tried to call or write them regularly, even if they didn't respond. You're the dad--you have to act like the grownup, even when it makes you clench your jaw and grit your teeth. If you can't take medications, I would still try to find counseling. If you don't have an income, inquire at your county Mental Health office. It won't necessarily turn your life around, but the therapist might be able to offer some insights into your daughters' behaviors, and give you some tips for dealing with them as they move into adulthood. Welcome to Crazyboards. We are indeed crazy around here, but we're friendly and try to be helpful. I hope you continue to hang out with us. olga Contact info is gone, certainly not impossible to locate a winter in WI though. Maybe in a few years, but unlikely at this point. Grown up... I used a similar discussion point with their mother, "you're their mother, the adult, tell them to go out to dinner with their father while visiting my sister 4 miles away." She said they are adults now and can make up their own minds....... ok......at the time, they were 15 and 17.... adults, I think not. Certainly teenagers being supported financially by their father. I'd cut the child support in a heartbeat if I thought that would do any good, of course, it would not. I'll check with a county mental health office......see if anything is available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wooster Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Military mental health can be very challenging. It might be worth poking around a bit to see what support is available through the CG, like the EAP for example. They might be able to help you directly, or refer you to places that can help. They can probably also answer your questions about medications, diagnoses, and the credentialing issues. They might also be able to help you find out where discreet help is available in your community. You might start by talking about family stressors that you've outlined above and see where it leads. Help is available, and it doesn't necessarily have to jeopardize your career. I work near a naval air station and have quite a bit of contact with enlisted and officers who have similar concerns about flight status and fitness for duty. There's usually a way to work it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Beaver Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 Thanks for that but my license is regulated by the Coast Guard,a merchant mariner, not an actual Coast Guard member. The same discretion applies though, thanks for understanding. I'll find something or just deal with it as I have the last 50 years. (family history) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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