Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org
Sign in to follow this  
LonelyArtist

Maybe I was never meant to find someone in my life?

Recommended Posts

I'm 26, only 5'7'', recent college graduate with no paid job (just volunteer work), and have never been on a date or relationship before. Whenever I log onto pof.com, zoosk.com, gk2gk.com, match.com, okcupid.com, and nolongerlonely.com, I get really hopeless about someone responding to my messages. Nobody ever responds to me. I have become less motivated to put a lot of effort in messaging someone. Why bother, right? Maybe I was never meant to find someone in my life.

Edited by LonelyArtist

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am experiencing something similar.

I am going to be 30 in a few months and I have only gone on one date. That date was a movie at a friend's house and I didn't even know it was meant to be a date! Talk about being shocked when he made his move. I just sat there as he kissed me, feeling awkward and idiotic. It basically ruined our friendship.

I try to tell myself every day that the right guy for me will come along, but the more time that passes leads me to feel as though it is never going to happen. I struggle with it every day and can't even visit dating websites for that reason. There also seems to be this idea that something really has to be wrong with a gay man for him to not be able to find someone since there are already so few of us.

My best advice is to try to avoid letting other people have a voice in how you should live your life and where you should he at your age. I am better at it some days than others and that is okay. Just focus on making yourself happy first and when you're comfortable in your own shoes, dating can begin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Try to attend more social events in if you can. Online dating isn't that great IMHO. If you really want something, sometimes you have to go out and make an effort. I'm in the same boat as you. My problem is lack of motivation, current living environment, and lack of sleep!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Look man. I'm 29 and a virgin. Not one damn girl has gone out of he4r fucking way to come at me ever since I was about 18. I mean sometimes life throws you bullshit. I'm not al that great looking from al this extra fucking weight from all these meds. Drop the daing sites and do you. I wish I could say something else but I'd probably get banned. So basically fuck'em and if you hapen to run into an oppurtunity try to go for it. If you're shy like myself well justg forget about them. I'm sick of being labeled as weird because of my circumstances but stop thinking about women. They will decay your mind lol. Some are good I'm guessing but you know how luck goes I hope. Fuck fate. Seriouslt I will stop going on because this is just pissing me off. Sorry Mods

 

In short fuck trying for a woman. If it hasn't happened yet just let them try for you. I feel your pain and now I will be pissed probably for about aqn hour. Oh  yeah and fuck fate.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Or another strategy is to find ways to thrive in the life you currently have, in spite of symptoms.

 

When people are happy and growing, they shine from the inside. People are attracted to that.

 

In other words, find the activities that you love and fill your life with them. You are likely to encounter interesting and passionate people that way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Or another strategy is to find ways to thrive in the life you currently have, in spite of symptoms.

 

When people are happy and growing, they shine from the inside. People are attracted to that.

 

In other words, find the activities that you love and fill your life with them. You are likely to encounter interesting and passionate people that way.

 

I second what Wooster said.  Stop focusing on the self-imposed idea that you might never have a romantic relationship. I know it's a difficult state of mind to be in, but the basic point is that you actually have to like yourself and be in a good space if you want to meet other people.  This can mean a  lot of hard and scary work on self acceptance, but trust me, it's worth it. 

 

Forcing yourself into hunting for relationships while you're struggling with self loathing is going to get you nowhere.   I moved in with and then married someone who was sicker than I was at the beginning because I was desperate, and by the end of the marriage I was just as suicidal and caught up in drug abuse and self harm as he was.  It's taken me years to recover from that, and the adage "it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" is BS, unless you count all the self insight and empathy I gained as a result of that debacle.

 

Lots of people are living solitary lives and feel lonely as a result.  Try to turn around your thinking to finding activities that you like personally - it could be anything - then think about locating ways of getting involved in those.  I don't mean to sound glib here, because getting to that point can be work in itself, but your life really will feel fuller as you meet kindred spirits and make friends.  In other words, shift your focus and concentrate on making personal connections (not necessarily romantic relationships) through things that you already love or care about instead of basing your entire sense of self worth on internet dating sites.

 

eta To everyone who mentioned age: this is unhelpful, because you're trying to force yourselves to meet false societal norms about what "should" have happened by certain points in one's life.  Who cares if you're a virgin in your twenties or thirties?  I'm sure there are people in their forties who have never had a relationship either, yet are fascinating and interesting people, not "failures".  Failing is ignoring self care and not working on learning to like and appreciate yourself for who you are, not whether or not you have the white picket fence and 2.4 children by age 30.  It's not a race.  General society and the media have a lot to answer for.

Edited by MiaB

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh  yeah and fuck fate.'m sick of being labeled as weird because of my circumstances but stop thinking about women. They will decay your mind lol. Some are good I'm guessing but you know how luck goes I hope. Fuck fate. Seriouslt I will stop going on because this is just pissing me off. Sorry Mods

 

A misogynistic rant followed by a "Sorry Mods" doesn't quite cut it, but I get that this topic pushes your buttons. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like you absolutely bristle when you meet women. That isn't exactly inviting. And losing your virginity is not some finish line you have to cross. I have had religious friends who lost it much later than 29.

 

But your attitude is poisonous. If your post is any hint, you seem to think of women as angry walking vaginas. Maybe if you thought of them as whole people, you'd have better luck. Women don't like to be pursued merely because they have vaginas.

 

But Mia is right. It's a cliche, but if you are filled with self-loathing, people can "smell" it. You have to be happy with yourself to attract others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like you absolutely bristle when you meet women. That isn't exactly inviting. And losing your virginity is not some finish line you have to cross. I have had religious friends who lost it much later than 29.

 

But your attitude is poisonous. If your post is any hint, you seem to think of women as angry walking vaginas. Maybe if you thought of them as whole people, you'd have better luck. Women don't like to be pursued merely because they have vaginas.

 

But Mia is right. It's a cliche, but if you are filled with self-loathing, people can "smell" it. You have to be happy with yourself to attract others.

 

 

I agree.

 

I'd say work on self-improvement to gain a better fucking attitude about women/sex/life before dating. That's just a sad outlook. And the whole blaming others thing is bullshit, IMO. Some people are unlucky and I get that, but hating women while finding them fuckholes isn't gonna get you anywhere.

 

Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A woman is gonna pick up on your vibe pretty quick. This is what I struggle with right now. I carry around a been through hell - depressed - don't want to talk vibe. Try to be outgoing if your capable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...