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iaawal

Considering getting my tubes tied

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I know I'm young. I'm 22. My bf and I plan to get married someday and we'd either adopt or use a surrogate. With my MI and the meds I'm on it's very unlikely that we'll choose to have me carry the child. 

 

Once he's done with his vet school stuff I'm going to get his opinion on this. 

 

Anyone have any opinions? Experiences? 

 

EDIT: He was all for it, we'd get a surrogate if we plan for a child in the future. He says it's my choice if I'm really sure. 

I'm going to make an appointment with my OB/GYN to discuss this. and also to figure out why I can't find my damn IUD string lol.

Edited by iaawal

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In the US, apparently it's commonly difficult to get a doc to agree to this procedure if you haven't had something like, 2 kids or something stupid like that.

 

It's a big decision, obviously. You probably could find a doctor who would do it.

 

I thought about it, but I opted for the copper IUD instead. Lasts ten years, definitely not as effective but very effective. I've not been pregnant once since I got it in '08! That I know of, of course. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. 

 

I'd consider an IUD if it proves difficult to find a doctor willing to tie your tubes without having had a child. Even the IUDs, I hear, are difficult to get (in the US anyway) if you've not had one kid, however I'd just really advocate for either of those things, especially if you're very sure. 22 is young. 

 

There's the Mirena IUD (progesterone only, fuck my experiences with progesterone, but some people find it okay) as well, that only is effective for 5 years, I believe.

 

Just some other options to consider. But if you are really, really sure, try as hard as you can to get what you want!

 

Adoption is such a great idea. So many kids need good homes. 

 

Good luck! 

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I'm currently considering this myself. It's difficult to get a doctor who will agree to do it on someone who's young or who hasn't had lots of children yet. I assume you're in the US? How hard it is to find someone can depend heavily on where in the US you live (yay sexism). If you find yourself having trouble finding someone who will do it there are compiled lists in various childfree places online of doctors who will perform the surgery (Or not, depending on which option you go with. I'm planning to get Essure, which is non-surgical, when I'm ready.) on young people and people without children. There may still be some hoops to go through though (see a pre-surgical counselor or something, etc).

 

In terms of making the actual decision, what are the pros and cons in your mind? Is there anything holding you back?

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Pros - I wouldn't be risking a pregnancy and I wouldn't be risking having kids with MIs. Cons - Maybe in the future, there will be technology where you can pick out which genes your kids will get idk. 

Nothing is holding me back. The only thing that makes me sad is that I'm not normal, because if I was normal and MI free then I wouldn't have to even think about this. 

That's the only thing I'm crying about now. But I have to face the reality. I have an MI. 

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This is the same decision I made in 2007, and although it took a great deal of research, I finally found a doctor willing to give a tubal ligation to a childless woman less than 25. (In Texas, no less.) It was the right choice for me, and not once have I rgretted it.

That said, I don't think you are in the right state of mind to be making this decision. You are upset, your self-image is warped, you feel 'broken', and these feelings are temporary. They pass with time and therapy and brighter days.

An IUD would be a much safer method. You won't need to worry about pregnancy for a few years, but aren't permanently, irrevocably ending your fertility.

Of the near-dozen women I personally know who have chosen to be childless for one reason or another, I'm the only one who doesn't regret it.

Don't get the tubal just yet. Wait a few more years. You aren't even fully grown, and your brain won't be done growing until you're nearly thirty.

You will not be the same person in a few years that you are now. You will grow and change and adapt. You may realize you want children of your own, or you may decide to stay the course. Just get an IUD for now and put this at the back of your mind. See if you feel the same way at 25.

Edited by Bad Haiku

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My husband got the snip when he was 24 but we had 3 kiddies already and STILL his doctor wasn't very happy about doing it. I definitely didn't want any more but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a very brief second thought at age 32 when my sister in law had a very adorable baby. I'm all for your right to choose, but I think that for now, yes, you are still very young and you likely won't change your mind in the future but why take away your ability to if you can use an alternate method in the meantime and still have that chance there if you decide you want it. IMO I'd go for an IUD or implanon or something that's semi permanent that can be reversed if you do happen to change your mind.

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i lost my strings too, heh.  it happens :)

 

is there a reason you'd have to have a tubal done now?  you're pretty well protected with an IUD.  i used one for many years until i had a tubal ligation (i was 30 when i had mine, and had already had one child).  i don't know that making any permanent decisions (about anything) when you aren't well is a good idea.

 

i had a child at 20.  i told myself i only ever wanted one, and that i would wait ten years, and if i still felt the same i'd get "fixed".  with the IUD, i was safe for those ten years.  i still felt the same after that period of time, and by then i was pretty nuts regularly, so nobody argued with me about getting the procedure done.

 

would saying "in x number of years" make a difference for you?  maybe not even determine what age is right for you, but someday in terms of "i have been stable for x years and i still feel this way".  would it cause you a lot of distress worrying about an unwanted pregnancy?

 

my daughter is 23 now, has no MI (except subclinical anxiety), and never wants to be pregnant.  she would like to keep the adoption/fostering option open, but she never wants to give birth.  i honestly don't think i knew myself well enough at that age to make that determination.  but maybe she does, and maybe you do too.  i'm only thinking about this from the perspective of my experience.

 

it's a tough choice.  you have lots of time.

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I had a tubal ligation when I was 26. My ob/gyn was fine with it as long as I got a note sent from my physician an waited 3 months before surgery. I can't take hormonal birth control (moods) and the copper IUD had me in agony during my periods. Mirena made me batshit as well. It was actually surprisingly easy to get the approval for it. I don't regret it (I turn 30 next week) and I am thankful I did it.

 

The procedure is done under general and is laproscopic. I have 2 tiny scars (one where my lower bellybutton piercing used to be, they decided to use it as a maker or something) and one just above my pubic hair. Total of 2 whole sutures after. I took tylenol 3 for 2 day's, didn't really need it, you do get stiff because they pump CO2 into your abdomen to get a better look with the cameras and whatnot, and within a week I was covering the incisions with Tegaderm and swimming. I had some spotting the day of the surgery, afterwards, it can last a few days in some people, but I got off easy.

 

My stomach was red, it looked sunburnt, but the pain was in my back and shoulders from the CO2. I woke up from the general in no pain, after a few minutes I ached a bit, they had morphine ordered and talked me into taking it, through my IV. I talked them into giving me the smallest dose possible because I wasn't in much pain and I thought morphine was a little dramatic. They wanted to "kill the pain before it started". I went home and passed out until the next morning and was fine. I went horseback riding 3 days after.

 

Both of my IUD insertions (I had Mirena, went nuts on it, switched to copper, I have endometriosis, so that made life hell) were far worse than the pain from the surgery. The worst part was not being able to eat/drink/smoke after midnight, and the surgery was delayed 2 hours because everyone knows ob/gyn's are never on time! You aren't out very long, and I didn't have any side effects from the anaesthesia. The unnecessary  "tiny dose" of morphine had me telling everyone (doctors, nurses, my mom...) all about my sex life and everything was pretty funny. 

 

A lot of (non-medical professionals) people said I was "too young to make that decision". My favourite comment is "what about people that can't have kids?!" It's a personal decision and piss on those that judge. My treatment team was in favour of the surgery and my tdoc wrote an additional letter saying we had discussed it several times, blah blah blah. 

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If you are planning to marry (which means you are engaged), and he doesn't want children either, a vasectomy is a lot less invasive and safer than getting your tubes tied. Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about that. Once my then fiancee found out, much to his joy, that I absolutely did not children, he agreed to the vasectomy. He was moderately sore, but kind of wasted on Vicodin the first day. The second day he was uncomfortable, but not in pain, and I think that lasted into a 3rd day. But that was it.

 

I had to sign something saying that he was my husband (which I wasn't for 6 weeks, but oh well), and that I had consented to his ending his fertility. We were both over 30. So if he weren't about to get married, would they have refused to do it?

 

I think you should wait a year or two until you have been stable several months. I completely understand your fears of having a child with mental illness, but that can happen to adopted kids and kids by surrogate. You may change your mind when you feel better. And I know that is obnoxious, because everyone tried to act like we weren't being rational, and said we were going to change our minds, and we have not. And I don't want you to think I am ordering you around, those are just my opinions. I chose not to have children, so I'm not trying to belittle your choice.

 

What right do doctors have to tell full grown women what they can and cannot do with their fertility? I was pissed about the waiver I had to sign, too, because it was implying I should have control over his body.

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