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So, a little background on me. I have my BA degree in psychology and plan on getting my masters and eventually a MD in psychiatry...my life was actually looking up and doing well...that is until my car accident back in 2013. My goal of this thread is to be able to share my story and hope it helps other people. So here it goes...

My life has never been easy, but I have been able to overcome all obstacles in my path, bull dozing and tearing through anything that stood in my way. From a very young age I suffered from seizures, (which I grew out of around 18) I was constantly told by my family and doctors that my life would be less than average, I would never be able to drive in my life, and my family didn't think I'd graduate high school in four years, let alone surpass a graduate degree. Well, I proved them all wrong, I worked my ass off, graduated high school with all A's, accomplished my associates degree with a 4.0, then disaster struck, my grades throughout my bachelor degree suffered, I managed a 3.0 most of the time, but finished my undergraduate career with a 2.98...

Disaster started in 2013, I lost my job in January, it took me about a month to find one, which I did, then, in March of that same year, my life was almost taken from me, I had a 90 year old pull in front of my car while I was doing 55 (the speed limit) on a four lane highway road...she totaled my car, and then took out a bus of handicapped children in the other lane...the sounds and smells will never leave me. I remember my first thought that came to me after I threw my ebrake (I drive standard) and slammed on my breaks, leaving a 25-30 foot skid mark, was thank the gods my little sister wasn't in the car with me. I was taken to the er, where a year and still ongoing pain and suffering began. That same night, as I left the hospital, my grandmother who raised me with my mother, my main support, my ground, my pillar, was admitted to the hospital. I visited her a week later, going through my own physical pain, (and I'm crying writing this part) her memory was shot, she didn't remember my mom, or aunts, but the minute she saw me, she smiled at me and called my name and says to me, "so are you going to get married yet? How do you feel, I know your accident was bad" it took everything in me not to break down there. That was the last conversation I ever had with her, I told her I loved her and hugged her, on March 21st, 2013, I got that fateful phone call at 3:30 pm, my mother, she told me, "We didn't want to tell you this morning because you had exams today, but grandma passed away this morning at 10:37." I couldn't breathe (like now) it felt like my world was destroyed within seconds, the only person in the world who supported me and was my rock, gone, and I didn't even get to say good bye.

Then a month later, I lost my apartment thanks to my wonderful ex boyfriend...so, from April 2013-October 2013, I was homeless, living in motels, couch hopping from friends...that same summer, my ex tried to kill himself and blamed me for it, saying I was the reason since we broke up...then, I was forced into going to go get him from the psych ward (in PA, I live in NY) because no one else would, and the car I was driving, he gave me, so I felt obligated...that was hell, dealing with my grandmother's death, and his manipulation, and senior year of college, I got through college though...

As my pain got worse from the accident, doctors put me on tons of medication, opiates, anxiety meds, nerve pain meds, so many things...which made me so angry, or zombie like, but I had no option but to take the medication, because they drug tested me every time I went in, and if the meds weren't in your system they dropped you and your case because they assume you're selling the drugs...so, my condition only got worse, I found out in my left wrist, the ligament was torn from the bone, so in July 2014, two days after my wedding to my now husband, (different guy not the manipulative one) I had surgery to repair it...which rendered me unable to drive (to this day, I still can not drive, because my wrist is healing) I have bulged disks in my back and neck, with fluid build up in my neck, a tear in my shoulder (mind you, I'm only 23) so, my independence was taken away, something I worked so hard to achieve, ripped from me...then, to top it all off, because I couldn't drive and still can't, my so called "friends" stopped talking to me, bailed on me constantly because I was and am still a burden to them, so I have no one to talk to about anything. I sit at home by myself all day, while my husband works to support us, thinking horrible things..we can't get assistance because he makes literally $1000 too much a year...so yeah I'm alone...in early September, my job officially fired me because my doctor said I could work with many limitations, so I was, and I quote, "pretty much useless" to my manager...so, I feel trapped, no way out, no light at the end of the tunnel....to top things off, because of me being disabled, we lost our apartment, my marriage is on the Fritz too, because my husband and I don't see each other, and when I do see him, he's drunk, and we only fight. I have given him until January to clean up his act, or I'll leave..I have no support, except for my counselor...I'm trying so hard to better myself and become less depressed, and everything is stacked against me, it's hard to see the light through this darkness...

(Yes I have a lawsuit pending)

I really don't know what to do anymore...and I hope this helps me, as well as others...

Thank you for taking the time to read this...

DepressedUnderTheMoonLight

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This is beyond my ability to give any real advice... but I can tell from what you wrote and how you wrote it that you're a strong person.

 

You've gone through hell (and still are), and yet your main concern is helping others by posting your experience.  That's frankly amazing.

 

I'm not sure I've ever met a stronger and more courageous person.

 

In terms of your so called "friends", if they ditched simply because they didn't want to drive you around, they weren't worthy friends to begin with.

 

I'm very sorry about your grandmother.  That reminds me of the loss of my own.  My only goodbye to her came from a dream, that I choose to believe was something more.  I've lost many people in my life, but losing her was the hardest.  I would take yours knowing you and nobody else as a sign of how much she loved you and the connection you shared.

 

There's a spiritual thing there... but if that's not your thing - biologically, you were stored in a part of her brain that was unaffected, and the others weren't.  That means something.  You were more pervasive.

 

I applaud your strength to not stay married to a drunk who (likely treats you poorly).  That's a whole other type of strength.  You're a very brave person.

 

If you're still on those meds - it's likely the combo of the opiates and anxiety meds that made you feel out of it.  Nix the anxiety med and just stay with the opiate and nerve pain med (I'm assuming it's something like lyrica or neurontin?).  The latter helps neuropathic pain and isn't sedating or should make you feel weird.  Mixing a benzo and opiate on the other hand would make anyone fucking out of it.  As you're still physically hurt, the opiate makes sense.  You seem to be grounded enough to forgo the anxiety med.

 

You can't be accused of selling them if you refuse the script.

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