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Does anyone actually get better?


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First day on Fetzima. Like most of you I've taken almost every antidepressant out there. I guess I've progressed to Major Depressive Disorder - you'd think there'd be a cake or something. Started with the 40s and left the 20s and Pristiq in the dust. Still taking 300 Wellbutrin, 2 mg Abilify, up to 4 Ativan/day, 400 mg topamax a day. I won the lottery - I have chronic migraines too. Oh, and my husband woke up January 4 and decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Packed up his and my stepson's personal items and walked out the door - no warning, no discussions. Just 'see ya!' Didn't even let me say goodbye to my stepson. So, yeah, I'm pretty depressed. I don't sleep too much but I barely leave my house. My three dogs are my saving graces. And my daughter, of course. I try to act normal for her and it's pretty easy to blame everything on the migraines. I think about suicide all the time but I can't do that to my daughter. I just pray this new medicine works for me. I want to go back to work and have friends again and be a productive member of society. Right now I just feel worthless.

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My therapist knows that I wish I wasn't alive but I make a distinction between that and killing myself. I have enough Ativan to do the job, but then I worry if I'm unsuccessful they will take away my Ativan. Catch-22. What are mood stabilizers?

 

Mood stabilizers are like Lamictal, Lithium, depakote (I think that is one) and probably more I can't think of, and treat mood disorders ... I am currently on Lamictal and it works really well for me.  It is hard to explain how, but I can tell a difference when I am off of it; I am definitely not myself.  My moods are totally out of control, can go from one extreme to the other so fast, i get edgy. 

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To answer your question, yes, I've gotten significantly better on my med cocktail. I feel the best I've felt in years (since I was a child)  largely due to Abilify and Tegretol. Low doses of Abilify did not help me ... I did not get relief until I got over 10 mg then bam!. It was amazing and as close to bliss as I've come since childhood. Tegretol keeps me from falling into deep desperate suicidal depressions and helps me control impulsiveness and irritability. I can honestly say that I never got much help from antidepressants. The antidepressants that I now take are largely to help my anxiety. I'm not exactly sure what Lamictal does for me, but I don't want to mess with my cocktail that is working.

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To answer your question, yes, I've gotten significantly better on my med cocktail. I feel the best I've felt in years (since I was a child) largely due to Abilify and Tegretol. Low doses of Abilify did not help me ... I did not get relief until I got over 10 mg then bam!. It was amazing and as close to bliss as I've come since childhood. Tegretol keeps me from falling into deep desperate suicidal depressions and helps me control impulsiveness and irritability. I can honestly say that I never got much help from antidepressants. The antidepressants that I now take are largely to help my anxiety. I'm not exactly sure what Lamictal does for me, but I don't want to mess with my cocktail that is working.

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I've never really been impulsive or even really irritable, just deeply depressed really since my childhood. I was able to put on a smiley face until 2012 when I had a nervous breakdown. I guess there's only so much your soul can take. It really doesn't help that no one in my family except one sister makes any attempt to understand what I am experiencing. Today was my second day on Fetzima and I swear I could feel a difference. I was still incredibly sad but I felt like there was a spark of life somewhere inside of me - it was almost like I could feel the blood coursing through my veins. I feel for the first time in a long time hope. Just that word makes me break down in tears.

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better is definitely possible. I can say I've had two or three depressive episodes of various lengths (the "or three" is because I think I had an episode back in high school, but my parents didn't believe in mental health or emotions, so it went untreated). they all eventually ended with the right combo of meds, therapy, and time. 

 

it sucks to feel like you're doing all the right things and not feeling a difference, but it is possible to have it pay off. eventually. 

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It's not getting better with the Fetzima. I broke my foot by running into a stool in my house so now I'm stuck at home or advised strongly to stay off my foot for two weeks. I feel like the Fetzima is making me short tempered; I have no patience with myself or anyone else. I have no support from my family and little from friends. I see my therapist and psych this week and I don't know what to say. I hate myself and I wish I was dead sounds about right. No plan, no specific intent. Every day is just a nightmare I have to live through. Nothing interests me anymore. I have all this paperwork to fill out from Social Security Disability to fill out, and I read the questions, and I don't want to be that person. Why? Why can't I be normal? Am I always going to be like this, crying all day every day without even knowing why?

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It's not getting better with the Fetzima. I broke my foot by running into a stool in my house so now I'm stuck at home or advised strongly to stay off my foot for two weeks. I feel like the Fetzima is making me short tempered; I have no patience with myself or anyone else. I have no support from my family and little from friends. I see my therapist and psych this week and I don't know what to say. I hate myself and I wish I was dead sounds about right. No plan, no specific intent. Every day is just a nightmare I have to live through. Nothing interests me anymore. I have all this paperwork to fill out from Social Security Disability to fill out, and I read the questions, and I don't want to be that person. Why? Why can't I be normal? Am I always going to be like this, crying all day every day without even knowing why?

 

I'm sorry you broke your foot.  It sucks that you can't walk around much.  I would bring all this up with your tdoc and pdoc (therapist and psychiatrist) when you see them.  Maybe you need a med adjustment?

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I'm sorry about your husband and your stepson.

 

It would help if you added a signature as to what you've tried in the past and current, & told what you major symptoms are that are bothering you now that you want to fix.

 

Moreso, if you told what previous meds did/didnot fix.

 

MI meds are very individual, but there are some generalities people here could share if we have an idea where you're at.

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