Butterflykisses Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 (edited) My psychosis has been pretty well controlled on this dose of Latuda. However, my lack of motivation persists and when I get home at night all hell breaks loose. I begin to have an extreme depressive episode where I think suicide is the only answer. But my other options don't fit. I am on SSI but all of the section 8 housing is full , so that is not an option. I could try to pay rent at a regular apartment if they would accept my low income. I cant work at just any job, they would have to be extremely accommodating to my issues, which is why I am studying what I am studying so I can work independently. I really want this degree but a breakdown every night just isn't working out for me. I am planning on getting ECT in December (unless I get too scared and back down) during my break in hopes that will remedy this. I get overwhelmed easily and that is part of the problem. I am only a part time student but still find it to be too much. What do I do? Edited September 27, 2014 by Butterflykisses Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivilency Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 (edited) Wait until you get better. Health is important. If school is too much its too much. I had major problems w nighttime depression, motivation, and concentration. Doc put me on wellbutrin and all is good now. Have you talked to your doctor? Maybe a med adjustment can help you like it did for me. As far as school tips, when my symptoms were acting up I would do school a little bit at a time and take many breaks. Edited September 27, 2014 by dnautics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butterflykisses Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 Thanks, no more med adjustments can be made per my pdoc. I will be seeing a new pdoc in January since this one is moving, they might change things, who knows. I say all this to have just found out I got a 100 on a pretty hard paper. The average grade was a C. I think I have too little faith in myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancingteapot Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 Congrats on that awesome grade! I hope you continue to do well but you shouldn't have to sacrifice your health either. Something to consider. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butterflykisses Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 That is the thing, I feel like I am sacrificing my mental health. Thanks for thinking that grade was awesome, but honestly, everything seems to be too much. Any suggestions on what I could do after this semester-I am pretty locked in to completing school this semester. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissaw72 Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 Any suggestions on what I could do after this semester-I am pretty locked in to completing school this semester. Can you take less classes next semester? Maybe 1/2 of how many you are taking this semester? Maybe you are overwhelmed by the thinking ahead of school to future semesters ... so if you know you will have less on your plate (less classes) maybe you won't be as stressed about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butterflykisses Posted September 28, 2014 Author Share Posted September 28, 2014 Melissa, I cant take less classes because I am already part time and the program I am in requires at least 9 hours (which is considered part time) I know next semester should be better as far as my schedule but I am concerned about surviving this semester. I got my statistics test grade back and I bombed it. I knew I would but still, hurts to see the grade. I am NOT a math person. I don't understand it and I would meet with the professor (trying to) but he hasn't responded to my email. The stress of school just really gets to me and I want OUT! But at the same time, I want this degree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissaw72 Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Oh ok. Is there a disabilities program (?) or something you can go to (I hope someone can chime in here because I'm not familiar with the details of it), explain your situation, so at least maybe there is a chance of lowering the hours per semester, and prolonging how long it takes to get your degree? I've read on CB many times where people go to the disabilities place on campus, and those people can disclose info to your professors without disclosing the details of your disability. Also I've read how sometimes if the professor knows this you can have extensions on things, more time to take tests, etc. I never did this in college, but on CB people mention how they have done it and it has really helped. If people don't respond in this thread about the disability place maybe you can start a new thread asking about it. From what I read it is worth a try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickenlips Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I get where you are coming from... I am almost finished my degree... and I have 3x assignments due in a matter of weeks!! The thing is that I am struggling with motivation too..... I sometimes just look at the papers I am supposed to read, other times I manage to read half a paper or a full one.... I literally pull assignments out of my ass!! Ummmm all i can say is just keep on keeping on.... that is what I do.... It sux big time, but what else are you gonna do...?? Head back to square one?? No way! I wish you lived nearby cause I would be like, ok we need to be study buddies! lol Do you have friends you can study with?? I don't... but sometimes I use my mum.... Wish I had more for you!! xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butterflykisses Posted September 28, 2014 Author Share Posted September 28, 2014 Melissa, I am part of the disability program and get all the accommodations I need. It's just I am overwhelmed about going to school in general. Just having to be there. 9 hours is reasonable and I cant lower it, I have already prolonged my degree an extra year just by doing this. I am just wanting the type of life where I can just take care of myself and not worry about having so many responsibilities. But like I said I would have to get a low rent apartment complex to agree to let me sign a lease because section 8 is full. My parents wont let me live here if I am not going to school. Chickenlips, I get what your saying about getting assignments and then freezing up. I get like that a lot too, but my main struggles are tests. Give me a paper any day over a test. I cant memorize and I cant do math. I wish we lived close too, I don't have any friends that are around anymore (they have there own lives now in different states) so no study buddy for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butterflykisses Posted September 28, 2014 Author Share Posted September 28, 2014 I am just going to do my best and keep going. I know it will be worth it in the end. I have done all I can to help myself (registered with disability services, tutoring, completing all assignments, studying) so all I can do is my best. There has to be a horizon out there somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissaw72 Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 One day at a time. I wish you well. I know you can do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wonderful.Cheese Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Good luck butterfly!!! We are here for you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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