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wondering what the psychiatrist will say...


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Hi, I chose the name Son of Adam because I feel like we are all brother's and sisters.  My mother was schizoaffective with a bipolar disorder.  I was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder with psychotic features about 9 years ago when I was 40.   I attempted suicide at this time and was full tilt crazy.  Delusions, hallucinations (both auditory and visual) and paranoia.  I stopped taking my meds about 8 years ago. The meds (respiridal, klonopin and wellbutrin) worked really well, to break the psychosis and deep depression.   Recently, I have been having suicidal ideations again, a lot of trouble concentrating at work...I have been hallucinating for the last few years, and recently the auditory hallucinations have start again.  No voices.  I hear the door ring, when no one is there.  My phone ring tone in songs.  If I turn down the radio, it stops, turn it back up and it's there again.  Really weird stuff like that. I am not seeing and hearing people argue like I did last time.   I feel that there is a person on the apartment building next door door watching me all the time.  I am constantly starring to see if anyone is there.  I moved from my last house because i felt there was someone in the backyard watching me all the time..2 people there.  I am scared that I am going to loose my job and my life. Last week I hallucinated my son was in my room standing over my bed.  The only way I can tell I am hallucinating is that the dog doesn't bark, and the cat doesn't look in the direction of what is going on.  Also, I see things in reflections.  Does anyone else do that?  I check every reflective surface to see if I can see something move in it..but never mirrors..hmmm, strange...  I have been trying to hold it together.  I finally made an psych appointment for October 3rd.  I am really afraid of what the psychiatrist is going to say when I verbalize these things to him.    I am a single dad.  My son also has a schizoaffective bipolar diagnosis.  However he is really stable.  Anyway, I am here hoping to find some answers to what is going on with me.

Edited by SonOfAdam
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I don't experience what you're describing, but. I've read posts on here by many others who I bet can relate to you just fine.

Welcome to CB. Sorry to hear you're struggling so, but I'm glad you found us. Please don't hesitate to contact a staff member if you have concerns or questions.

Being crazy and a parent sounds very hard, being crazy as a single parent sounds even more difficult.

I have no predictions as to how the pdoc will react. I do advocate being as honest as you can, because if the doc doesn't know the whole story they may miss something important and it could eff up your treatment.

Also as part of 'honest as you can,' if I feel worried or conflicted about something, I tell them that too. Llike, in your case, I'd list my symptoms yes, and also my fears of having my kids taken away, etc.

I don't know what the social systems are like in your area, but here's something a friend with two children recently went through:

She's married with two kids. After a bad episode where she ended up in the ER, there was the threat of her losiing custody, even though her and her husband are together and raise the kids together. But it was a *chance* - she was given a list of tasks and goals such as applying for and completing an in-patient treatment program. She moved in with me for the weeks that she had to sit on a waitlist for the treatment program, her kids remained with her husband. She should be wrapping up the program soon and I can't wait to hear how she's doing - and if everything's okay for her to return to her kids now.

My point is, initiative to seek out and stick with treatment, being compliant with that stuff, it stands to benefit yourself and also to showcase that you are doing a lot and trying hard. Hell, maybe the worst separation would be if the doc wants you to go IP to figure out some good meds for you a lot more quickly than one can do med trials while outpatient. Yes, being IP may require someone else to look after your kids for the duration, but still. Similar need if you're asked to do a treatment program. Or maybe the doc will start with some med trial stuff first, and if you respond well, might be okay to keep going that way.

This is just a bunch of random theories, no idea of their validity. But it tears my heart to see a fellow crazyperson being ill and scared they'll lose their children. :(

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Hello and Welcome to Crazyboards!

 

It sounds like you've got a lot going on and I'm glad you've got an appt with a psychiatrist.  I encourage you to be absolutely honest with the doc and follow their advice.

 

Please don't hesitate to contact a member of the staff if you have any questions or concerns.

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I was totally honest with my psychiatrist.  I received a diagnosis of schizophrenia.  I am back on my meds. I am sad to see some of my hallucinations go...does anyone else feel that way?   It's so weird for the brain fog to be totally gone.

 

My children's ages are 26, 25, 21, and 17.  The 21 year old lives with me.  There isn't any drama whatsoever in the home, so I am not really worried about dhs taking my kids....I'm sure they'd give them right back if they did.

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