Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

But he's driving there anyway?


Guest
 Share

Recommended Posts

I sort of had a friendship with a guy that would drive me to places he was going to anyway. He expected money. I refused coz it was a short distance and I'm thinking well even if I wasn't going he would go there anyway. Am I in the wrong? OR is it just an excuse to get money off me? Friendship's over now because of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How much was he asking for?

 

Personally I offer a couple dollars even if they are going the same place I am going with them to.  Especially long distances.  They usually say no, don't worry about it, but once in awhile, for the long-distance (like 20-30 minutes) places we go together they'll say thank you and accept the money that I offered.

 

 

ETA:  But if THEY invite ME, I'm less apt to offer money.

Edited by melissaw72
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Even if he was already going to the place on his own, I think it's impolite not to offer money for fuel.  He's still doing you a favour, after all.  When I've had to rely on others to get somewhere, I've always offered, even though most people decline.

 

eta If you were basing this relationship on the fact that he gave you lifts to places, it wasn't really much of a friendship after all IMO.

Edited by MiaB
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Even if he was already going to the place on his own, I think it's impolite not to offer money for fuel. He's still doing you a favour, after all. When I've had to rely on others to get somewhere, I've always offered, even though most people decline.

eta If you were basing this relationship on the fact that he gave you lifts to places, it wasn't really much of a friendship after all IMO.

It's NOT that he would drop me off somewhere then drive his own way.

His driving me to places his going to anyway?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I'm driving, it slows me down to pick up people and drop them off. I'm not a taxi and I like my alone time. Letting people into my car takes me away from my alone time. That's why money is offered - it's a recognition that you're putting someone out. Had someone made me a cake I'd accept that as well. It's not about the money so much as a way to show gratitude and appreciation. By never offering it seems like taking advantage. Someone is going out of their way to help you - even if they're going in the same direction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rosie's expressed this in a better way than I did.  As a driver, I agree with her - being in the car is alone time, and I don't like to be made to feel like a taxi.  I personally don't accept money for petrol when people offer (unless it's really long distance), but it's nice to know that I'm not being taken for granted just because I'm "already going there anyway".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm chiming in because I'm cheap.  I give rides to people and I don't mind, but I like it if they offer to kick in for gasoline.  It's expensive, plus I had to buy the car, maintain it, insure it, put tires on it and put gas in the tank.  I rarely accept the money, but I think it is gracious to offer. 

 

I do also agree with Rosie that I prefer being alone in my car.

 

I also agree with Mia that if your friendship has ended over this issue, it wasn't much of a relationship.

 

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Think of it this way.  Even if he was going there anyway, it's going to cost fuel, and additional weight in his car does make the trip -slightly- more expensive, even if it's just a few dollars.  Offering to chip in is the polite thing to do, even if he was going there anyway.

 

He's still doing -you- a favor by letting you tag along, which he doesn't really have to do.  He's not wrong about this, and you should be offering to help pay for fuel, even if it's just a few bucks here and there.  Not to do so is pretty rude, imo.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

even if its not a big inconvenience to someone they are still taking the time to consider you and your needs when they don't have to and i think that might be what you're missing here (just IMO obviously).

 

it may seem like such an insignificant act of kindness but gas/fuel costs are so high that the extra few minutes might actually make enough of a difference for it to be a concern (monetary-wise). the costs add up. your friend is not your professional taxi or public transport service. maybe it wasn't about the money and more that they think you took them for granted and didn't appreciate that they were doing you a favour no matter how slight it seemed. i do think it's a little different when it's a family member or someone you're very close to and you have an arrangement where they take you for groceries or something (even then - a little thank you can go a long way).

 

i have noticed that my friends and family members with cars often get into this situation with their friends that don't drive or have access to a vehicle. they offer to drive them somewhere to help them out and a few lifts later people feel entitled/expect to get a lift every time they feel the situation warrants it and never offer money or go out of their way to show they appreciate it. quite frankly i find it pretty disrespectful  (and i don't even drive or have a licence).

Edited by cosima
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It was more along the lines of every week he would pick me up then we would go to the same destination then he would drop me home but we live within 2 minutes of each other...

 

That doesn't change that he's doing you a favor, and you should help pay for at least a little of his gas.  You keep saying the same thing over and over, but this is something that isn't going to change.  When you get a ride from somebody, even if you are going to the very same place, you offer to help with gas or with food on the way, or something as a gesture of appreciation.

 

Even if the person driving you doesn't ever accept it, you still offer.  It's polite, and it's expected.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What if there were days when he didn't want to go, but did anyway because you were relying on him? What if there were days where he had to do other things first and so would have been coming from a different direction if it wasn't for you?

 

Would it still have been easier for him to pick you up, if he had other things to do instead? Or if he was feeling sick that day and he'd have rather have stayed home?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It was more along the lines of every week he would pick me up then we would go to the same destination then he would drop me home but we live within 2 minutes of each other...

Have you not yet figured out from what everyone is saying that he was doing you a favor that added wear and tear to his car? Do you make his car payments, or is it his car?

 

It doesn't matter how far away he lives, it doesn't matter if you are going to the same place. How were you planning on getting those places otherwise? A bus? You pay. A taxi? You pay. A friend? You pay. Easy peasy. You are being extremely rude not kicking in some money. I could understand if you didn't do it every time, but never? I'm not surprised your friends are angry.

You know, it is easier to make and keep friends if you can keep their needs and wants in mind. Friends are not just there to be used. This is a lesson you don't seem to have learned.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with everything said by the above posters, so I'm not going to beat a dead horse. But I was the first person among my friends to get my license, so many times I picked them up and dropped them off because they were close to me and we were going to the same place. Of course it was a inconvenience at times, but my friends were always very thankful and I didn't feel like a taxi service. You don't always need to offer money, I never felt comfortable asking my friends for money or taking it when they offered, but a lot of times when we went out somewhere they would pay for my meal. Nothing expensive, just small things like a smoothie or coffee and I felt that was reasonable. 

 

So I understand if he wants you to chip in a few bucks, but this may also be him not feeling appreciated. It doesn't always have to money, maybe you can say "Hey, I really appreciate you driving me so much, let me take you out to dinner sometime/come to my house for dinner/ I'll pay for your coffee or whatever."   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...