Guest Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I sort of had a friendship with a guy that would drive me to places he was going to anyway. He expected money. I refused coz it was a short distance and I'm thinking well even if I wasn't going he would go there anyway. Am I in the wrong? OR is it just an excuse to get money off me? Friendship's over now because of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissaw72 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) How much was he asking for? Personally I offer a couple dollars even if they are going the same place I am going with them to. Especially long distances. They usually say no, don't worry about it, but once in awhile, for the long-distance (like 20-30 minutes) places we go together they'll say thank you and accept the money that I offered. ETA: But if THEY invite ME, I'm less apt to offer money. Edited September 30, 2014 by melissaw72 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 he would repeatedly ask "can I have some money?" but wouldn't say what it was for though. Then he got one of his friends to say to me that "I take it for granted because I don't give money for petrol". Am I the ass here or is he? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiaB Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) Even if he was already going to the place on his own, I think it's impolite not to offer money for fuel. He's still doing you a favour, after all. When I've had to rely on others to get somewhere, I've always offered, even though most people decline. eta If you were basing this relationship on the fact that he gave you lifts to places, it wasn't really much of a friendship after all IMO. Edited September 30, 2014 by MiaB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Even if he was already going to the place on his own, I think it's impolite not to offer money for fuel. He's still doing you a favour, after all. When I've had to rely on others to get somewhere, I've always offered, even though most people decline. eta If you were basing this relationship on the fact that he gave you lifts to places, it wasn't really much of a friendship after all IMO. It's NOT that he would drop me off somewhere then drive his own way. His driving me to places his going to anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiaB Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 In my opinion it's impolite not to offer. Again, this is just my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 When I'm driving, it slows me down to pick up people and drop them off. I'm not a taxi and I like my alone time. Letting people into my car takes me away from my alone time. That's why money is offered - it's a recognition that you're putting someone out. Had someone made me a cake I'd accept that as well. It's not about the money so much as a way to show gratitude and appreciation. By never offering it seems like taking advantage. Someone is going out of their way to help you - even if they're going in the same direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiaB Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Rosie's expressed this in a better way than I did. As a driver, I agree with her - being in the car is alone time, and I don't like to be made to feel like a taxi. I personally don't accept money for petrol when people offer (unless it's really long distance), but it's nice to know that I'm not being taken for granted just because I'm "already going there anyway". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I'm chiming in because I'm cheap. I give rides to people and I don't mind, but I like it if they offer to kick in for gasoline. It's expensive, plus I had to buy the car, maintain it, insure it, put tires on it and put gas in the tank. I rarely accept the money, but I think it is gracious to offer. I do also agree with Rosie that I prefer being alone in my car. I also agree with Mia that if your friendship has ended over this issue, it wasn't much of a relationship. olga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Haiku Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Think of it this way. Even if he was going there anyway, it's going to cost fuel, and additional weight in his car does make the trip -slightly- more expensive, even if it's just a few dollars. Offering to chip in is the polite thing to do, even if he was going there anyway. He's still doing -you- a favor by letting you tag along, which he doesn't really have to do. He's not wrong about this, and you should be offering to help pay for fuel, even if it's just a few bucks here and there. Not to do so is pretty rude, imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax15 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 It was more along the lines of every week he would pick me up then we would go to the same destination then he would drop me home but we live within 2 minutes of each other... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissaw72 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I'd still offer a couple of dollars. He might not accept it, but at least you offered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cosima Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 (edited) even if its not a big inconvenience to someone they are still taking the time to consider you and your needs when they don't have to and i think that might be what you're missing here (just IMO obviously). it may seem like such an insignificant act of kindness but gas/fuel costs are so high that the extra few minutes might actually make enough of a difference for it to be a concern (monetary-wise). the costs add up. your friend is not your professional taxi or public transport service. maybe it wasn't about the money and more that they think you took them for granted and didn't appreciate that they were doing you a favour no matter how slight it seemed. i do think it's a little different when it's a family member or someone you're very close to and you have an arrangement where they take you for groceries or something (even then - a little thank you can go a long way). i have noticed that my friends and family members with cars often get into this situation with their friends that don't drive or have access to a vehicle. they offer to drive them somewhere to help them out and a few lifts later people feel entitled/expect to get a lift every time they feel the situation warrants it and never offer money or go out of their way to show they appreciate it. quite frankly i find it pretty disrespectful (and i don't even drive or have a licence). Edited October 1, 2014 by cosima Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Haiku Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 It was more along the lines of every week he would pick me up then we would go to the same destination then he would drop me home but we live within 2 minutes of each other... That doesn't change that he's doing you a favor, and you should help pay for at least a little of his gas. You keep saying the same thing over and over, but this is something that isn't going to change. When you get a ride from somebody, even if you are going to the very same place, you offer to help with gas or with food on the way, or something as a gesture of appreciation. Even if the person driving you doesn't ever accept it, you still offer. It's polite, and it's expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 What if there were days when he didn't want to go, but did anyway because you were relying on him? What if there were days where he had to do other things first and so would have been coming from a different direction if it wasn't for you? Would it still have been easier for him to pick you up, if he had other things to do instead? Or if he was feeling sick that day and he'd have rather have stayed home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crtclms Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 It was more along the lines of every week he would pick me up then we would go to the same destination then he would drop me home but we live within 2 minutes of each other... Have you not yet figured out from what everyone is saying that he was doing you a favor that added wear and tear to his car? Do you make his car payments, or is it his car? It doesn't matter how far away he lives, it doesn't matter if you are going to the same place. How were you planning on getting those places otherwise? A bus? You pay. A taxi? You pay. A friend? You pay. Easy peasy. You are being extremely rude not kicking in some money. I could understand if you didn't do it every time, but never? I'm not surprised your friends are angry.You know, it is easier to make and keep friends if you can keep their needs and wants in mind. Friends are not just there to be used. This is a lesson you don't seem to have learned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MellyDonut Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I agree with everything said by the above posters, so I'm not going to beat a dead horse. But I was the first person among my friends to get my license, so many times I picked them up and dropped them off because they were close to me and we were going to the same place. Of course it was a inconvenience at times, but my friends were always very thankful and I didn't feel like a taxi service. You don't always need to offer money, I never felt comfortable asking my friends for money or taking it when they offered, but a lot of times when we went out somewhere they would pay for my meal. Nothing expensive, just small things like a smoothie or coffee and I felt that was reasonable. So I understand if he wants you to chip in a few bucks, but this may also be him not feeling appreciated. It doesn't always have to money, maybe you can say "Hey, I really appreciate you driving me so much, let me take you out to dinner sometime/come to my house for dinner/ I'll pay for your coffee or whatever." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cady Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I offer my PARTNER money when he drives me places, he never takes it but you should offer around half of the fuel cost,keeping a car is very expensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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