Victimized by former therapist

[angel_heart]

Hello, although I haven't posted for a long time, I still peruse CB often.  And I wanted to share what is happening in therapy sessions; it'll be difficult but I will try to be coherent and succinct.  

 

Prior to having my new therapist, Ms. A (I've had about 8 sessions), I has sessions with an older therapist, Mr. R, for approximately two years.   I've been discussing Mr. R and the tenuous and confusing therapeutic relationship we had.  

 

Mr. R is a PTSD specialist and the first therapist I've discussed all my traumas including the sexual ones.  I shared so much details and personal information about my life, more so than any other therapist.  I should add: I've been seeing various therapists for over a decade.  

 

I won't go into detail; suffice to write that Mr. R groomed me to where his ethically inappropriate advances and subtle sexualize suggestions became par for the course and accepted by me.  

 

There was a small part of me who knew what he was saying/doing in sessions were inappropriate but I maintained trust, though wary at times, with him regardless and continue our sessions and accepted our 'therapeutic relationship.'  

 

Initially, with my new therapist, I mentioned Mr. R and gave a few examples of what he said/did that confused me.   I cried so much and was so dumbfounded that session.  The next session I denied any of the inappropriate sessions and blamed my mental illness and gave other excuses to negate the accusations.  

 

Today's session, Ms. A bought up the discussion again and I admitted some examples of his behaviors with me.    We discussed the 'grief' process, my self-blame, my reluctance to acknowledge the victimization, and more about grooming and his testing limits in the sessions with me.  

 

I was in denial for so long and today, after my session, I'm beyond angry and past being confused. 

We discussed the 'power differentiation' and his process to have me accept his unwanted advances.

 

I can finally acknowledge I was victimized by Mr. R and I'm beyond angry.   Ms. A asked me to write him a letter and share my thoughts and feelings.   I'm going to do that but wanted to share my experience on CB prior to putting pen to paper.

 

Thanks for reading and take care,

~angel-heart

Edited October 4, 2014 by tryp
identifying info

[water]

I am so sorry. What a fcking asshold. His license should be revoked. 

Beyond angry indeed. Tell the police. You have every right to do this. No one can ever be victimized by him again.

At the same time, that is completely up to you. Talk to your therapist.

What this jerk did is beyond evil. He should go to jail. He is a predator and dangerous to all of his clients. 

I am so sorry. This is NOt your fault. THis is what predators do. He is a sociopath and should NOT be working with anyone.

[angel_heart]

Water-

Thanks for replying; I appreciate it.  Ms. A discussed predatory behaviors and how the process of grooming, testing limits, building trust to keep secrets, etc.

 

I don't want to go to the police.  I think if my therapist was confident I was a victim she would do something on my behalf.  

 

I just wish I wasn't haunted by the memories of our sessions right now; painful and disorienting.  

Edited October 4, 2014 by tryp

[water]

 

I just wish I wasn't haunted by the memories of our sessions right now; painful and disorienting.  

 

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how this feels but you are doing everything possible.

Keep talking to your therapist, letting out the grief, the anger, the bafflement. 

The more you do the less disorienting it will feel.

This will take a while to process. One day at a time. 

Buy yourself a gift. Go get a facial. Do something sweet for yourself.

You are working very hard in therapy and it is exhausting in the best of times.

[angel_heart]

Water - thanks; your suggestions are helpful.   Trusting this new therapist is a bit trying but I'm making the effort to confine in her and hope to be more confident in trusting her.

[Wooster]

angel_heart, I am so sorry that this jerk abused your trust and his position of power and authority.

 

I'm really happy that you have a new, safer therapist.

 

Please consider asking your new therapist if she would consider making a complaint to which ever part of your state issues licenses for your old therapist. Sexual abuse of clients is not only unethical. It is also illegal.

 

If he did this to you, it is, sadly, likely that he has done or is doing it to others as well. While it is not your responsibility to protect them, it might feel better for you to know you're doing what you can to stop him from doing it again.

 

Your new therapist should have a legal and ethical obligation to report on your behalf to whatever licensing body gave this fucker a license.

[angel_heart]

Thanks Wooster-

Fortunately I wasn't physically sexually abused by him;  I'm considered a victim because of what he said and did in sessions.  Inappropriate and unacceptable, according to Ms. A.   She is the one who termed 'victim and revictimation' in our session.

Edited October 4, 2014 by tryp

[sourlemon]

...

Edited March 30, 2016 by sourlemon

[angel_heart]

Sourlemon-

I appreciate your support.  I've decided to write down my thoughts and keep a diary before I complete the letter assignment.

 

So far:

I'm not a credible client; hx of poor insight and poor judgement, mood disorder, ptsd, anxiety, r/o schizoaffective disorder.  In other words: one sick puppy.

 

Want to go back to denial and blame my illness.  And "he would do that to me."

 

That's all I wrote so far and this post is helpful as was your kind words.

[water]

 Ms. A asked me to write him a letter and share my thoughts and feelings.   I'm going to do that but wanted to share my experience on CB prior to putting pen to paper.

 

Did Ms. A. say she would also make a complaint, as Wooster suggested? 

Writing a letter to this ahole is a way for you to get out your feelings. But you saw him for two years and just stopped. It seems a bit soon which is why your instinct was to post here first.

 

Do you feel entirely safe with Ms. A?

If not, Is this feeling because of the ahole, or is she just not a good match for you right now?

Every therapist is different and it is very important to be in therapy right now.

But it is just as important you are working with someone you feel safe with. Immediately safe with.

If she is a good therapist, you can talk about this with her.  She will completely understand.

 

(Print the thread for her.)

Edited October 4, 2014 by tryp
identifying info

[Wooster]

Abuse does not have to be physical to be abuse.

[angel_heart]

Water,

Yes, it took a few sessions but I do trust her. We haven't discuss the ramifications of my implications yet. We are still working on accepting it.

I have weekly sessions with her. I have time to get the help I need.

Thanks for your suggestions; I really appreciate your support and insight.

[water]

Abuse does not have to be physical to be abuse.

amen to that.

see STicker's thread: emotional abuse.

[Pippafert]

Feeling better, I've just recently emerged from an experience that sounds like yours. My former therapist, while possibly trying to be helpful, was more abusive and emotionally detrimental than helpful. I have filed a complaint with the state licensing board, A first for me. I am not suggesting that you do this but I am saying that there is more to abuse than simply sexual abuse. I spent months and months researching this, reading every professional journal I could get my hands on, and thinking very hard about whether or not this was the right thing to do. I struggled with whether or not I would hurt this therapist's career, although not my problem. I consulted with numerous medical professionals who I trusted after I ended therapy and all of whom indicated severe red flags in my treatment. I can't tell you what is right for you, but I can tell you there is value in recognizing there is more to hurt than just sexual abuse. There is a fiduciary responsibility in therapy to do no harm. And therapist to do, even if not meant, are harmful. They need to understand the power differential and the effect they can have on clients. I wish you good luck in your future therapy experiences and I hope you can believe there are good therapist out there. I have found one who I wish I had found 20 years ago. It's too bad it took this experience to be able to locate her. But I'm grateful that I have.