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Lithium works... and that feels kind of sad


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I just started on Lithium, it took about 2-3 weeks to kick in, but it seems to work great. My irritability is much reduced, I don't get temper tantrums anymore, the racing thoughts are gone, I got some suicidal thoughts, but instead of them getting stuck in my head, they just pass on. I have energy, I can concentrate. In short, it works really really well so far..... the only thing is, I notice that it has taken away some of the intenseness of life as well. My imagination is less vivid, my dreams are less real, everyday things seem beautiful, but I no longer feel a sense of beauty just by looking at nature that is so extreme it hurts and makes me cry. I guess this is how life is for most people.

 

The thing is, I went on Lithium because I hoped it would work as well, and now that it does, I'm grieving. I've cried a few times in the last days when I remembered being manic.

 

Can anyone relate? 

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I am in a similar place right now. I am stabilized and I am not yet used to it. I am so used to being unstable that it almost feels as though I have lost a piece of myself in the stabilization process. I have been referring to it as abnormally normal because as much as I am more "normal" by societal standards, I don't really feel like myself. Oddly enough, I miss the depression as well as the hypomania because I feel more numb now and just want to be able to "feel something," as it were, as I used to.

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It is hard to get used to being stabilized after being hypo/manic, especially when you are hypo/manic for a long time.  Eventually you'll get used to it; it takes time though.

 

What gets me through is thinking how as much as I like being hypo/manic, I hate when I crash afterwards.

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I was so grateful when lithium worked for me, because I finally had relief from the horrible cycling. The mania may have died down, but the depression and suicidal thoughts also did- not being so miserable that I couldn't move or think was a great trade off for losing some of the shininess I got from the mania.

You can still see the world the same way, you just need to do it more consciously. I may not fall on the ground to stare at incandescent flowers as often, but I can still see how beautiful they are.

ETA: If you consider that being manic is basically your brain tripping, it can't be considered a "normal" state anymore than being depressed can.

Edited by dedoubt
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I hear you, i am stabalized for the first time in ten years and feeling very strangly normal. Well i think its normal, i have gone from psychosis to depression in six weeks for as long as i can remember. I am taking a mixture of lithium (1200mg) seroquel (600 nocte/200 am) and stelazine (3 x 5 mg)

Been normal for eight days aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dont think i want to be normal

Thecircus

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Lithium made me flat and far away.  It also made me gain about 50 pounds and gave me the twitches, so I went off it after a while and started Lamictal.  Not nearly as much flatness and I don't feel far away anymore.  However, I do still get some flatness from my other drugs, so it hasn't completely gone away.  If it's not too bad, I don't mind making the tradeoff of mental health with a few side effects.  If it gets bad, though, I start to wonder why I'm living.  Med tweaks usually follow.

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I love my lithium. I haven't had a mania or hypomania since I was put on it.

 

I have been moderately depressed, but I was put on Latuda a few months ago, and other than my headaches (which can really depress you), I feel normal. I missed being normal, it's been a bumpy ride for the last 8 years. I am still really dependent on my husband, but at least I can contribute to my marriage again.

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