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This thing happened


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So this thing happened.  I went to therapy today agitated because of more voices.  I was really upset.  We talked for a few minutes (I thought) then the knock on the door that happens after someone else arrives.  I was confused and upset that our meeting was so short.  Only it wasn't.  I just don't fucking remember it.  Just the beginning and the end.  

 

Should I call her and tell her that?  I have no idea if she told me to do anything or not.  I don't know what she said.

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How disorienting.

 

I think it would be really appropriate to let her know.

 

Especially if you talked about things that you said you would do, but can't remember what they are.

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Thanks, I want to say that I will.  But I'm leaning towards not.  I did wonder why she wanted to see me tomorrow, who the hell knows what I was saying.  I kiboshed that and said next week.  She said okay but reminded me 40 times that I should call.  Then she wanted to give me a hug but hell no dont touch me stop it stop it stop it.  why do people do that?  I know you care because you're doing stuff, you don't have to touch me.

 

...sorry, I've been ranty all day again.  this has been the suckiest day.

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I know what you mean.

 

It sounds like she wanted to make sure you were ok. Sometimes tdocs like to offer hugs because THEY need to know you're ok... which is kind of sucky.

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This has happened to me too ... I had been in the pdoc's office for 15 or so minutes (I get 1/2 hour), and he gets a text to call someone.  Like WTF.  So he ends my appt and says he has to take the call.

 

So I left.  This has happened before, except he just rushes me out of the office.  So I started calling him out on it, and in one conversation on a related topic said in one of the appts how I had been in there in and out in 8 minutes (I had started timing the appts).  And that it has happened more than once. 

 

He acknowledged it, but don't know if it was *really* heard.  But I was so pissed at him getting the text and call then ending my appt like I wasn't even there.

 

So in your situation, I would call her out on it and ask why she ended your appt early, that you are paying for her services and you do not expect to have your appts shortened (and in the middle of a conversation), especially without a really good reason (like someone died or something).

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you're also multi of some flavor or another, right?

Did you look at the clock?

Pottymouth is my most distant person right now, if that makes any sense? As in, I'm really not there when she's out, unlike the others, which kind of emerge on top of me.

...She talked to D( our therapist ) once, and...yeah, I thought I'd been in session for 5 minutes, it was 45. I looked at the clock and exclaimed "HOLY SHIT!"

I also have trained myself to wear a watch AND I have a cellphone with which I orient myself to time because time is some slippery shit.

But be sure and look at the clock and/ or set your phone timer if you think your therapist is cheating you out of time. Maybe you might want to ask to record or have the sessions recorded?

...your therapist may be unaware she's not talking to you. I'm set up the way I am so I can fake being normal, I operate as a cover for the others. I mean, it would be pretty disorienting to most people if one of us started a conversation only to have another fade in and take it over, right?

Your others may fake being you, because that's a good way to protectively cloak yourselves...it's all about faking being normal. We put SO MUCH ENERGY into that.

Because that's survival, you know, faking normal, right? Pretending someone didn't break us into pieces.

Other cues to look for that you've dissociated-feeling sleepy, confused, a splitting pain in the head, negative hallucinations, numbness...and probably some others I can't remember.

Edited by Stickler
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you're also multi of some flavor or another, right?

Did you look at the clock?

Pottymouth is my most distant person right now, if that makes any sense? As in, I'm really not there when she's out, unlike the others, which kind of emerge on top of me.

...She talked to D( our therapist ) once, and...yeah, I thought I'd been in session for 5 minutes, it was 45. I looked at the clock and exclaimed "HOLY SHIT!"

I also have trained myself to wear a watch AND I have a cellphone with which I orient myself to time because time is some slippery shit.

But be sure and look at the clock and/ or set your phone timer if you think your therapist is cheating you out of time. Maybe you might want to ask to record or have the sessions recorded?

...your therapist may be unaware she's not talking to you. I'm set up the way I am so I can fake being normal, I operate as a cover for the others. I mean, it would be pretty disorienting to most people if one of us started a conversation only to have another fade in and take it over, right?

Your others may fake being you, because that's a good way to protectively cloak yourselves...it's all about faking being normal. We put SO MUCH ENERGY into that.

Because that's survival, you know, faking normal, right? Pretending someone didn't break us into pieces.

Other cues to look for that you've dissociated-feeling sleepy, confused, a splitting pain in the head, negative hallucinations, numbness...and probably some others I can't remember.

Thanks!  I did not look at the clock but I know when I got there and when I left. It was a shorter session than normal but not short, an hour.  The part right before the end of the session, I remember and like you said, I felt like shit, confused, agitated, numb.  One minute I'm telling a story about my mother-in-law then the session is over.  I definitely went somewhere.  I don't think she noticed but she also was acting excessively over protective, so, not sure.  Like I said she kept trying to hug me and I am the no-touch queen and she knows that.  I do have to say that she tells me things I said frequently and I don't remember saying any such thing.  That could be the Lamictal tho, it's a bitch sometimes.  I've titrated down to 50mg from 400mg on that so I'm certain that's not the problem this time.  

 

Faking normal is my normal.  Always and forever.  

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I called to get my next appt time because I didn't remember it, of course.  Her head desk dude said I didn't have an appt.  I freaked, quietly, and told him to have her call me.  I could not understand why I didn't make an appt unless shit went down that I didn't remember.  She called a couple hours later and we talked.  She told me what happened, most I dont remember.  There was an appt, it just wasnt in the system.  Nothing dramatic happened that she told me about.  In short, I made a big deal out of nothing.  Whoever was talking was not "out" so she had no idea it wasn't me.  Thanks for the support y'all!

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