Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Wish b/f would treat me like I treat him can anyone else with BPD relate


Recommended Posts

I am sick with this awful cold . My b/f doesn't want to catch it so he's basically leaving me alone maybe check on me once or twice that's it but refuses to sleep in same bed with me ( I hate when he doesn't ). If the tables were turned I would be serving him like a waitress and rubbing his back and constantly care taking of him . Is it because of my BPD I am so sensitive to how he feels I ask myself? Can anyone else relate . Or is it just because he's a guy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i don't have BPD (did you maybe post this in the wrong forum section?) but i think it's totally normal for you to want your SO to treat you with as much love and respect as you treat them with. have you ever talked to him about it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hate to make generalizations about men, but I have to say that I have never had a woman friend tell me that her husband took wonderful care of her when she was sick.  Maybe there are men who do this stuff, but most of the men I know lie on the couch and act like they're dying if they have a head cold.

 

I do understand him not wanting to catch the cold.  It is not uncommon for couples to keep their distance if one of them has a communicable condition.

 

I'm moving this to the Relationship forum because it's more about that than anything else.

 

However, I should say that women with various MI issues and women without MI issues are sensitive to the lack of care when they're sick.  My friends and I have been complaining about this for 40 years.

 

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sadly I think it's a little bit of just how things are. When my husband gets sick, he lies in bed, dying, for days while I ask him what I can get for him, bring him medications and tissues and food and when I'm sick life goes on as normal.

I'm really paranoid about getting bugs but I can honestly say that I've never left our bed to avoid his germs. I'm sorry he's done that to you. I don't think it's an over-reaction to feel a little hurt by that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's because he's a guy, and it might just be his personality.

 

I am irritated with my husband at the moment because he doesn't call me during the day, even when I am having a bad day and he knows it.

 

He is really sweet when he gets home, but when he's at work, I don't cross his mind.   :angry:

 

It's just his personality and I put up with it...


Sadly I think it's a little bit of just how things are. When my husband gets sick, he lies in bed, dying, for days while I ask him what I can get for him, bring him medications and tissues and food and when I'm sick life goes on as normal.

I'm really paranoid about getting bugs but I can honestly say that I've never left our bed to avoid his germs. I'm sorry he's done that to you. I don't think it's an over-reaction to feel a little hurt by that.

 

OH MY GOD.  My husband is just like that.  He gets a little cold and he is such a baby about it.  My mom says my dad is like that too.

 

Maybe SOME men are different but I see a trend.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's because he's a guy, and it might just be his personality.

 

I am irritated with my husband at the moment because he doesn't call me during the day, even when I am having a bad day and he knows it.

 

He is really sweet when he gets home, but when he's at work, I don't cross his mind.   :angry:

 

It's just his personality and I put up with it...

Sadly I think it's a little bit of just how things are. When my husband gets sick, he lies in bed, dying, for days while I ask him what I can get for him, bring him medications and tissues and food and when I'm sick life goes on as normal.

I'm really paranoid about getting bugs but I can honestly say that I've never left our bed to avoid his germs. I'm sorry he's done that to you. I don't think it's an over-reaction to feel a little hurt by that.

 

OH MY GOD.  My husband is just like that.  He gets a little cold and he is such a baby about it.  My mom says my dad is like that too.

 

Maybe SOME men are different but I see a trend.

Haha, my husband calls me from work but he's always distracted or in a bad mood and sometimes I wish he wouldn't because then I feel worse.

And yep, I think generally men are big babies when they're sick. Except my Dad. He soldiers on and can end up hospitalized and he'll STILL lie there telling everyone he's fine (I wish that were a joke, it's happened twice in the last few months, the last time the ambo's were trying to take him to the ambulance and he kept telling them he was fine and he just wanted to have a shower, get changed and pack a bag first! They wouldn't let him.).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You guys have met the wrong men seriously :P

Im a man and so is my boyfriend and we take care of eachother. The only thing i wont do is kiss him/have sex. I think its very strange to not sleep in the same bed.

I should have exempted gay men from my sweeping generalizations. :)  I have a couple of gay friends who stuck with partners as they died of AIDS and the caring and devotion was remarkable.

 

I will clarify:  I know very few straight men who will care for their SOs when she is sick.

 

Although, I should say that my hubby went out for Chinese food last night because I have a cold and didn't feel like cooking.  He gets a gold star for that. :25r30wi:

 

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think everyone is different about this. My boyfriend has amazingly not been sick in the 2 and a half years we have been dating. So I don't know how I would re-act though. Personally when I'm sick I don't want anyone touching me. The only thing I want in my bed with me is my cats. I also am extremely stubborn and don't like admitting to being sick, so I try to do everything myself. 

 

My Mom is a little bit similar with being sick. If she is sick she locks herself in her room and no one is allowed in. The same goes for when anyone else is sick. They are basically quarantined. If my dad is sick my mom will sleep on the coach, she will ask him if he needs anything, and yells at him to stay in one place, but will try to keep as much distance as possible if it is contagious.

 

Frankly when things are contagious I don't want other people to catch them, so I don't want other people near me. And the same goes for others. I'll try to take care of you, but I'm not hugging or kissing you. Sorry. My boyfriend has mostly kept away from me when I'm sick. This might have been because we were snowed in, and I also didn't allow him near me. If I'm not contagious, like when I fainted because I was dehydrated, or anything he is very attentive.

 

So personally I don't think it's a guy or girl thing, or think your boyfriend is being insensitive. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you and want to hug you and sleep with you, he just doesn't want to get sick! Besides if he gets sick then the two of you are going to keep passing this bug back and forth and will be sick longer.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think he's 'being a guy' I think he doesn't want your cold ;) Is he aware you have BPD? Try talking to him about what's on in your head. Mention how it makes you feel bad that he isn't caring for you the way you would care for him. Maybe when he's ill he wants to be left alone so he automatically assumes that's how you wish to recover aswell. 

 

He is checking up on you though and that is very sweet.

 

I will say my sister has BPD and there are many misunderstandings when she doesn't tell me what's on her mind. I bet it seems unfair to have to explain yourself all the time, but I usually tend to assume everything is 'just fine' if that's what she says only to have her be very upset later on. It makes me sad that she has been upset for so long because she didn't tell me I was doing something that made her feel bad. 

 

Please talk to your man! It's really good to talk about things like this, little things before they get big. Maybe compromise that you get a kiss on the forehead but he gets to wash his face after ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think you are being sensitive, and I don't think it's a BPD issue. 

 

My DH refuses to touch me or kiss me when I'm sick, and often still expects me to do the usual things (cook, clean, go to work, etc.). But when he is sick, he is stuck in bed for days with the 'worst sickness ever' and I cater to him and nurse him back to health. It's silly and ridiculous.

 

Also when you are sick, you need that little extra energy and kindness given to you, and you wish you didn't have to ask for it. But unfortunately many men (or should I say people?) need that direct communication or they will not understand what you need/want.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...