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Anyone on the ED Spectrum want to share?


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So, there's a thread for these in schizophrenia, bipolar, and dissociative disorder lands, so I thought it'd be nice for people with eating disorders. I'll start:

 

So far, I haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder because I'm too afraid to tell anyone about my behaviours.

Edited by pearlzandlace012
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great idea for a thread, pearlz. 

 

congrats, iaawal on having not purged in months. that's a tough thing to do and you should be proud.  :)

 

i unfortunately don't really have anything super positive to say but i have been given information about a local group meeting which is set up AA style for people who suffer from EDs (all are included in the information pamphlet... not just AN/BU, even those with EDNOS/OSFED diagnoses). i think i will go one meeting to check it out. i need the support.

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Great topic idea.

 

I've been purging almost everything I eat because my weight is going up - like it's supposed to. I have "safe foods" again. I hate my scale and I hate seeing numbers going up. ARGHHH. It's frustrating. I think I'll take the battery out. I was diagnosed with bulimia at 18 and EDNOS at 23. I was in remission for so long and I AM SO PISSED AT MYSELF.

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My body isn't as resilient as it used to be. I ended up in the ER in July because of chest pains due to low potassium (very scary) and I hadn't been purging nearly as often as I have in the past. Now when I do use behaviors, even just once or twice, I feel it. I get tired, my chest feels funny, I feel weak, etc.  This, along with school and wanting to start HRT has been good motivation to stay on track. The past week or so though I have started to feel myself slip. Just a tiny bit, but I have already noticed that I don't feel well physically, and if it worsens I know it will start affecting me mentally as well. I am doing very well in my classes so I don't want to jeopardize that.

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i stopped using My Fitness Pal a month ago.  i no longer count every calorie.  i no longer calculate how many calories i burned from exercise.  this is good.  it means i have a better sense of what is a "healthy" amount of food in a day, and a better sense of how exercise impacts that - i don't need an app to tell me.  i have not weighed myself for four days.  i am very proud of that.

 

i gained a bunch of weight on Latuda, and lost it again this year very slowly.  i met my goal, but i'd like to lose another ten pounds, just because i'm more comfortable at that size than the one i am now.  i thought i'd be healthier weighing a little less too.  i told that to my clinic nurse last week, and she showed me some diagrams of weight percentiles for women my age and height, and i was shocked to find i was in the 28th percentile.  she showed me that with ten less pounds, i'd still have a healthy BMI, but i'd be in the 11th percentile.  i thought i was much closer to the OTHER end of that graph.  i'm healthy, but a much smaller healthy when compared to the rest of the Canadian population.  so now i have to rethink whether i want to lose that last ten pounds because i think i'll look more "normal" (and therefore be more comfortable) - when apparently, i am already a little smaller than average.  if that's the case, do i still need to, or am i just giving in to my sense of "it feels so good to accomplish something (aka losing weight)".

 

so i learned that though i now have a much better sense of how i should be eating to live well, i still have a very distorted sense of my size.  i wonder if that part will ever go away.  i no longer have full length mirrors around the house (so i can't constantly criticize everything that's "wrong"), so i don't think of it as often as i used to.  i just assume in my head instead of looking in the mirror for the distortion i guess.

 

wow that was a ramble.  sorry.

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@lysergia - don't be sorry for rambling, pretty sure that is kind of the point of these threads.  :)

 

gaining a ton of weight has put into perspective how distorted my image of myself was when i was a lot smaller. and it kinda sucks that the people around me did nothing to dissuade that. i remember how big and ugly i felt (and in some circumstances - how other people made me feel), when i know now i wasn't really that big.

 

my issues with body image and weight affect so much of my life in a negative way and i hate it so much. and i hate that we live in a society that encourages this type of thinking and behaviour everywhere we turn. i hate that i will never be at a weight or size that satisfies me or the world around me. i will always be big boned and stocky and even starving myself never could or would change that. and i hate that.

Edited by cosima
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I never got into using MFP or anything. I felt self-conscious entering a weight into it. Now I'm glad. I have a feeling it's nice having one less thing I need to "quit."

 

Lysergia, I think it sounds like you're doing well. I admire where you are, with a healthier idea of what it means to eat a "normal" amount of food. That's my preliminary tentative goal right now. I need to learn what normal is for me without filtering it through other things. I think getting rid of the mirrors is a good idea, too.

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Binged and purged today. :(

 

Don't know why, wasn't bored, wasn't emotional just very neutral. It was a compulsive desire to eat. 

 

 That sucks. I'm sorry. 

 

It bothers me when I give into behaviors and I don't know why. I just try to keep going, and not make the mistake again, you know? Those months you went without purging still count though. You can get right back to that, I know you can. Keep your head up.

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@iawaal

 

well, there are always people here for you who (at least somewhat) understand what you're going through, if that helps. is there anything happening or was there anything happening around the time of the binge that might have caused misplaced anxiety/that compulsion to binge that might not be obvious? it might be worth exploring and noting for future reference

 

i agree with @Dead Guy and i'm rooting for you.

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Thanks. I know what you mean. I'm determined to not binge anymore. Because the temptation to purge is always there if I binge. So why tempt myself right? 

 

Thanks though. I hope I can do it. 

 

How you doing? Hanging in okay?

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