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Strange anxiety, eye contact symptoms


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I started very annoying symptoms 3 years ago and till know don't know what is the problem or the condition I am still suffering from.

Three years ago I was manic and was taking risperidone 4MG (for Schizoaffective), in a peroid of three months I thought that I am good without taking risperidone, so for being good at work I only took risperidone when I feel out of control, so every couple of days I only take it.

After a short period I started to have strange symptoms that still persist with me till now which are:

Severe anxiety with anyone who speaks about relation, sister, wife, women. I start feeling that I am bad person thinking about my friend's wife, without even having any thoughts about sex, I automatically consider myself a bad person. And the most annoying thing is that I find myself don't know where to look, many times I lose eye contact and look away, or keep looking to my friend eyes and think if he really discovered that I thought badly about his wife, or sometimes think if he discovered that I am mentally ill. And always after going home keep thinking that my friend noticed my eye contact problem and will conclude that I am thinking about his wife.
Even when I talk to him by phone, once he mention her name, I find myself panicked and change the subject.

This problem is not with one friend. It also developed when my ex-gf talk about her sister, and keep trying not to mention her sister, and change the subject to avoid anxiety. And if she mentiond her sister or I thought about her sister during a conversation I feel panicked and don't know where to look, sometimes I keep looking to her eye, without even be able to be back to conversation but just to not notice my eye issue and change the subject. The same thoughs with other friends and in different situation. Then I avoided all my fiends and became isolated.

Also certain words, objects, numbers, fruits (like banana) that has sexual refernce in my society make me also anxious and unable to say it, like for example, six, I can't say the number in English with my family and friends and avoid mentioning it, and if someone tells me to buy or eat banana I keep thinking about these thoghts and feel weird.

This problem also not only about sex, but many time it about other things, for example a cigarette was left alone on my bed and when my mother look at it, I think that she may think that I taking hash and also feel panicked and can't maintain eye contact with her, and keep thinking that she will think I take hash because I looked weird.

Doctor thought that I have delusions and changed my risperidone to aripiprazole to invega which were ineffective then been more than 6 months in delusions to find the right antipsychtic, which was at that time olanzapine.

Kept trying and testing all AP to get rid of these thoughts and didn't go.

Another doctor diagnosed these thought as OCD, kept trying every AD, Anti-anaxiety without any help.

The last doctor told me that I don't have OCD, he told me that it is a problem in thinking and that I need CBT. I didn't believe him at first because I was strongly believe that I have OCD, but realized that all the meds didn't work for this problem, and I don't have sexual thoughts, or urges in these thought, I just become automatically anxious without thinking about sexual thoughts, plus there is nothing more I can do.

I hope if anyone can help me to know what these thoughts could be related to.


 

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I dunno. I can't diagnose, not a medical professional, etc, but what you're describing sounds a great deal like some of my OCD symptoms.

 

Meds only work for OCD about 50% of the time. Not responding to meds doesn't necessarily doesn't mean you don't have OCD. 

 

In any case, CBT is probably a good idea. CBT (of various types) is another way to treat OCD anyway, so it's probably a good thing to try regardless. Did your doctor say what kind of CBT he was recommending?

Edited by Sync
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I dunno. I can't diagnose, not a medical professional, etc, but what you're describing sounds a great deal like OCD to me. 

 

Meds only work for OCD about 50% of the time. Not responding to meds doesn't necessarily doesn't mean you don't have OCD. 

 

In any case, CBT is probably a good idea. CBT (of various types) is another way to treat OCD anyway, so it's probably a good thing to try regardless. Did your doctor say what kind of CBT he was recommending?

 

Thank you for your reply. I have OCD but my OCD became better with citalopram and risperidone, I used to suffer from checking but became better. I think the current best option is CBT. No, doctor didn't mention the kind of CBT. He talked in general discussing some of my other thoughts. I will ask him the next time.

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Thank you crtclms for reply. Yes CBT is helpful.

I couldn't complete CBT sessions with my last doctor. He became rude.

After checking many OCD help books, I found that I most probably suffer from Pure O as also I was diagnosed with OCD in 2006 and have OCD since I was 10.

I made a plan for CBT to do it alone since I can't find a specialist in CBT in my country. I used to self medicate and tried almost all the meds by my own as it is easy to get the meds in my third world country.

I am updating the post about my way to solve it, as it maybe helpful for other users.

I identified the problem into:

Obsessive thoughts: happen or triggered by a name or word, then I become uncertain if I am looking weird or being exposed.
The compulsion: is in moving away my eyes or change the subject or avoid, to give me relief.

I started CBT by doing exposure and response prevention therapy scenarios, including the names, words, people and record them and keep listening to them for an hour a day, while keep looking to some photos of my family and friends, and keep looking to the eyes in the photos, and avoid this eye compulsion while being much anxious from listening to my obsessive thoughts.

After few days I found noticeable improvement and will continue doing it, plus will do Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) later.

Thank you all for your helpful reply. :)
 

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