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I don't know if its ok that I post this here, seemed the most relevant board but please move/delete if needed.


Background: 20, female & in a relationship with a male for over 4 years.


Problem: Ever since I was young I've been curious about women, I've felt attraction, including sexually, towards some women and I'm fascinated by the female body. The impression my senior school gave was that to be bisexual, you would be judged as an attention seeker, so I suppressed those thoughts & did nothing about it. Then in my last year of school I began dating my current boyfriend, I became sexually active & convinced myself I was 100% straight.


However the past few months have felt different, I found out my best friend is both bisexual and gender fluid which made me wonder why I was always so uncertain & ashamed that I could never be so brave as to admit all that to both friends and family. I've been thinking a lot and I'm pretty sure that I am indeed bisexual.


My dilemma is the fact I've been in a straight relationship for so long, do I just keep silent due to the risk of ruining this relationship I'm very happy in or do I not keep secrets and hide how I feel.


I honestly dont know how my boyfriend would react, he could be supportive and not mind or he could feel alienated and think im no longer attracted to him, which is not the case.


Sorry for the long post, any advice would be loved though :/

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I'm not great at relationships, so take this accordingly.

Do you consider it important to your relationship with this guy that he know this about you?

What might telling contribute, if anything, to the relationship? What might it contribute to your mental or emotional well being?

On the other hand, what problems might it cause him, you, or your relationship?

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My opinion is based on what why you want to tell him.

Do you wish to explore this side of you? If this is the case, he quite possibly won't be okay with that (most people generally view cheating as cheating). He might be okay with it. I can't answer for him obviously.

If you don't wish to explore these feelings then I don't really find it necessary to tell him. You might make him doubt your commitment to him (he might feel scared that you will wish to explore your feelings if though you may not and be content with your relationship with him).

If you do wish to tell him regardless I would maybe bring it up slowly. Comment on a beautiful female in a movie or on the beach or at the shops, somewhere at a time when you guys are perhaps "people watching" together. See how he reacts. If you mention a number of times that you find various females attractive you might find he asks you outright, or gives out signs of what he might think of the situation and then kind of figure out if you think telling him is a good idea or not.

Make it clear that while you feel this way, that you are in no way less committed to him and that it doesn't change the relationship you have with him or your faithfulness.

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