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iaawal

Anyone else react to change very badly?

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So I just found out one of our volunteers will be joining our team full time. 

 

I should be happy about this, she's nice, competent and we could really use the extra help. 

 

But I can't help but be angry. It's an extra person. It's change. 

 

I don't know why I am so angry. 

 

It's not like I'm afraid of losing my job, she won't be replacing me and I don't feel threatened by her. 

 

But every single time we get a new person volunteer or not I can't help but be angry. Or when an already existing person gets a new task. 

 

I'm like "NO MY TASK!" and it's not like I even have the time. 

 

I'm possessive and I don't react to change well. 

 

Anyone else? 

 

 

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Hate change. Even when I love it.  Throws me for a loop. Even when it's needed. 

Take a deep breath. It's ok. You are allowed to hate change. And then, embrace it. 

Unless of course, the change is for the worse. Then get back up on the high horse with the spear and lancet, and go to battle.

But 99.9% of the time, whatever the change was that I initially resisted, ended up a welcome part of my reality.

 

Living my childhood in an unsafe environment, when any change was always for the worst, led to this automatic behavior.

All I can do now is be in the moment. After my initial resistance, I am mindful and open eyed. And realize that it is all my own stuff.

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Thanks water. That's true, oftentimes the change isn't so bad. It's just that initial resistance that's horrible. 

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Yes, I hate change, especially when whatever is being changed has happened at the last minute.  It stresses the fuck out of me.

 

Usually I have to prepare myself mentally for any change/s happening.  Otherwise I get very uncomfortable and angry, probably because I can't deal with it and don't know where to channel the anger.  So it sits brewing inside of me.

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i have a very hard time with it, too.  i hope it doesn't take too long for you to adjust.

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Yes, I hate change, especially when whatever is being changed has happened at the last minute.  It stresses the fuck out of me.

 

Usually I have to prepare myself mentally for any change/s happening.  Otherwise I get very uncomfortable and angry, probably because I can't deal with it and don't know where to channel the anger.  So it sits brewing inside of me.

 

I am the worst with this. And it seriously doesn't even have to be a big change. It literally can be like, SO decided to make ONE MORE stop on the way home...when that wasn't the plan.

 

I used to visibly freak out a tad like "God, dammit, why?!" Because I guess it makes me anxious or some shit, I can't tell. Now I just let it fucking go because I'm learning to pick my damn battles. OR, he will now usually tell me about shit like that.

 

that makes me sound like a bitch, doesn't it? Poor guy having to deal with that- and that isn't sarcasm. But I hate it. I hate public places. 

 

Or "so and so is coming over in ten minutes!" 'WHAT?!  THE HOUSE IS A MESS! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN TEN MINUTES? HIDE?!"

 

Hide. Yeah. Usually hide.

 

So they are small changes or surprises. I've not had a really big surprise, I guess.

 

I'm getting better with this shit, but not in my worst phases. When the shit hits the fan, I hit the wall.

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It literally can be like, SO decided to make ONE MORE stop on the way home...when that wasn't the plan.

 

 

 

Or "so and so is coming over in ten minutes!" 'WHAT?!  THE HOUSE IS A MESS! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN TEN MINUTES? HIDE?!"

 

Hide. Yeah. Usually hide.

 

 

These particular 2 freak me out SO much!

Especially the 2nd one. I hate people in my house. Even if they're not staying long.

 

Expecting a phone call sets me off too. I hate expecting a phone call!

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Expecting a phone call sets me off too. I hate expecting a phone call!

 

Me too.  I hate the sound of the ring.  What I usually do if I am not expecting any calls is put the phone in the other room and close the door.  If I am sleeping I won't hear it, and if I am awake it is a very faint sound, and will only answer it if I feel up to it (talking to people).

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wow i can so relate to all of that.  the making one more stop, the "someone is coming over in ten minutes", the waiting for a phone call... it's like do i have to know every single thing about the immediate future in order to feel safe?  i keep so much of this to myself because i know i sound ridiculous when i freak out over these kinds of things.  but everything is supposed to happen the way it was PLANNED to happen.  and everything is supposed to be planned.  no deviating, no spontaneity, no CHANGING THINGS unless i have sufficient time to sort through all the possibilities (what if?) in my brain.

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Expecting a phone call sets me off too. I hate expecting a phone call!

 

Me too.  I hate the sound of the ring.  What I usually do if I am not expecting any calls is put the phone in the other room and close the door.  If I am sleeping I won't hear it, and if I am awake it is a very faint sound, and will only answer it if I feel up to it (talking to people).

 

I let the machine get every other call. Drives my parents nuts but it's better than me going nuts cause I have to answer the phone! This way I get to think about it before I pick it up.

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wow i can so relate to all of that.  the making one more stop, the "someone is coming over in ten minutes", the waiting for a phone call... it's like do i have to know every single thing about the immediate future in order to feel safe?  i keep so much of this to myself because i know i sound ridiculous when i freak out over these kinds of things.  but everything is supposed to happen the way it was PLANNED to happen.  and everything is supposed to be planned.  no deviating, no spontaneity, no CHANGING THINGS unless i have sufficient time to sort through all the possibilities (what if?) in my brain.

For me, with these things, it's about being trapped. I cannot handle being trapped in a situation I cannot leave. Be that an appointment, a phone call, having to be somewhere because someone else is driving or with me and needs to stop. I need to be able to leave every situation immediately and go home.

Other change I don't deal with well either though but in a different way.

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that makes sense, Jessamine.  i get very anxious when i feel trapped too, or as if choice has been taken from me somehow.  that feels a little bit different from freaking out about change.  unexpected changes go from anxious to angry-feeling really quick.  trapped just goes from anxious to panic.

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I have more trouble with transitions than changes. I find out I'm going someplace, or doing something, but not for 6 weeks. Those 6 weeks would be much more strenuous than the actual change, for me.

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^^Me too.  The longer I have to think about things (changes) the more stressed out I get, with anticipation of whatever the change will be. 

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wow i can so relate to all of that.  the making one more stop, the "someone is coming over in ten minutes", the waiting for a phone call... it's like do i have to know every single thing about the immediate future in order to feel safe?  i keep so much of this to myself because i know i sound ridiculous when i freak out over these kinds of things.  but everything is supposed to happen the way it was PLANNED to happen.  and everything is supposed to be planned.  no deviating, no spontaneity, no CHANGING THINGS unless i have sufficient time to sort through all the possibilities (what if?) in my brain.

 

This is totally me. Has been my entire life - my parents tell stories about 3 or 4 year old me getting upset about change like this (not like the way my brothers did or other kids that age do).

 

I need to know what's going to happen and when. If it changes, it's like the world spins out from underneath me. I can handle it if there's time to think about what it means now, and have time to change other plans or make new plans to optimize things. But yes, I need time and 10 minutes won't cut it.

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