yeah I do wonder what is going on with me, I just got kicked from chat for saying my dleusion in response to someone talking about liking grandeur delusions...so the archangels built a monument for me for my gettinng to familiarise myself with their part of the universe, they also introduced me to my astral lover on a different part of the universe....not going so strong now since I got switched to orals and am not taking them except using rauwolfia to clam down the excess of dopamine receptors from my time adapting to the various antipscyhotic I been on for the majority of the time for almost 4years exept for occasional glimpses into the astral from refusing treatment. so a long perieod being treated before I started coming clean, a release of a track on the radio from celbrity lover gone by and she returend again and lifted my socks up for an astral voyage she triggered across the cosmos. so what gets me in trouble is I confessed to having a celbrity astral lover after she released darkhorse, but dreams of the star make me think otherwise, she is always very distant even if I try to get her attention of my identity but no response, she doesn't know me and listening to darkhorse on repeat is just for the entertainment, it rocks she talks about this guy who plays with magiuc and once your hers there is no going back....this is apparenlty just delusions and erotomania, its actuallly a secret I never should have confessed tooave me haloperidole, I kept experienceing the astral some good things like no longer seeing the celebrity after she turned nasty at my iatrogenic state, so I was able to replace her with a far off galaxy somewhere with my ET bride, I met her before I went to haosptial that time just in her form like a butterfly outline creature but her true form is a gorgeioua human form, too gorgeiaus to be able to see, I talked about her to my demise and how she made me orgasm and I was getting turned on despite the haldol and achieved orgasm without touching myslef the pleasure was that immense, so I talked all about it, silly me so endud up with rapists wanting her attention even though they sohould just get their own astral lover, people do stuff they wouldn't usually on the astral because they don't think its real, but its real for me and I don't like people raping my girlfreind. so it was good taht down hera on earth i acchieved an orgasm, I just wanted to get off antipscyhotic so I van have sex drive with her, but she faded dunno what theat means, she was just making my life more interesting with the iatrogenic anhedonia was good, but as I said she is nolonger really a thing anymore since starting the rauwolfia and my last injection, you would think that just using a herb insteasd of antipsychotic would mean I be able to experience the astral, I still get trips and found out last night its not really abbout the weed but periodic thing, I was better able to control it with breathing exercise. sorrty I edited, so back to the initial crisis that got me hosptialised, shit was going down because of sleep deprivation really so I appeared easy to be psychaotic because sleep deprivation is just a symptom to them, but back to the clebrity she did me no harm other then keeping me up at night with her astral presence and erotic shit and playing around with magic andastral sex, maybe she contributed to my hostptiatlaisation after 6years freedom from psychaitry, just wanted to be upfront and honest about what was going on for me so I told the shrinks at the hosptail I had for refusing treatments not so long ago[hence lucky to be put on orals really-they trust me - so I not game to educate them about rauwolfia incase they stumble upon what I been writing on the net about it.
I am stoned now and that is the best I can do in this state of annihilation of thought process's thats been happening...I just wanna go back to normal....so what happened with the celbrity is the crutial part once this time she satyed with me during hosptail and I betggeeed her to keep me going on the astral, I introduced her to god like beings I had been meeting on the astral and we kept it going, just in the form of occassional trip out attacks I get when stuff tries to make me astyrlaly project but its hard now antipsychotic make me fear the astral, things turned sour and we divorced the relationship , but I miss it you know...coming off theiinjection I would usually be experienceing dher love and it was a relaly good thing, maybe too much if you take a listen to darkhorse..that shit just gets me in troulbe and should be finnished talking about it, it makes me sound crazy when I am infact not, nothing really challenges me at all I feel safe and shit,....so I got blocked for talking about my astral adventures in chat, don't really know why what would you think, I am getting told to disccuss it elsewhere but I am cast out of anyinterest groups because of pscyhaitry so thats no good, and seems chem and Koa don't wannea hear about my schizophrenia, I think I have it, at least thats what I gotta tell the shrinks to get off this damn CTO.
I was diagnosed with Dysthymia/Major Depressive Disorder, GAD, and Social Phobia back in September and started on 20 mg of Citalopram in October. I seemed to respond really well to the meds at first, because I had an increase in mood, energy, and lower anxiety levels. In fact, I managed to lose around 25 pounds. I maintained normal sleeping patterns. I would occassionally have a short little episode of dysthymia symptoms but nothing that that lasted too long.
The problem lately is that I have formed a romantic obsession with someone I barely know. Obviously, I have insight into the fact that it's a problem, but my obsession borders on delusional (ever heard of erotomania?). I'm extremely dysphoric/anxious/depressed and have been having some suicidal thoughts. I can hardly stand to be in my own skin right now due to the anxiety and obsessive thoughts about this person. I'm feeling a little better today (thank god) and I actually have the attention span to come on here and ask about what's going on.
Basically, I just want to know if this is (somewhat) normal or if I need to be evaluated. Does anyone know what the hell is wrong with me? I read that if someone has what they call "delusional disorder" that antidepressants can trigger an episode due to too much dopamine in the brain. Any help out there?