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Delusional Thinking and what you actually DO!


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So... what do you actually DO about your delusional thinking?? Like for me.... cause I believe I am being monitored at home I am careful to not do anything too extreme that would look odd or feed into the investigation and provide evidence.... some days are better than others...

 

Or with my boss I sent her a text the other week and said "I hope you enjoyed the video" cuase I thought she had been filming me at work..... when she replied with a WTF? I back-pedaled and was like oh that was meant for someone else.... woops! Know what I mean??

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I'm careful too with what I do in my own home, what I look up on the computer, etc. so nothing can be held against me and I can account for everything I've looked up/done.  I have nothing to hide in my life. 

 

I'm in the frame of mind that if someone wanted to investigate me, I'd tell them sure, go ahead.  Because I don't care and have nothing to hide.

 

Some of my delusions I believe are real, even if no one else does (so I guess that doesn't make them delusions to me, if that makes sense).  So whatever they are, I either keep them to myself or get reality checks somehow -- I might not get the reality check/s I am looking for, but I don't stop looking for them either.

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well, im not sure they're delusions, but the last weeks i have done these things:

 

yesterday i painted yellow triangles on different places on my body and slept with it on me

I made my boyfriend place a glass we have out on the porch because it was spying on me

I placed salt on the door and window to my bedroom and places all  my crosses and bibles there as well to protect me from the demon that lives in the hallway

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I have delusions like people trying to poison me but I learned not to speak about that because after I tell them how I feel I just get more paranoid and delusional about things and they start treating me differently.

 

^^Yes.. This for me too.  I don't have the delusions of being poisoned/drugged anymore, but when I did I didn't tell anyone because I couldn't prove anything, and when I can't prove stuff on paper it has been engrained in me that whatever it is is wrong.  If I can't prove on paper something, then I must be wrong.  I find people don't take my word for things, so when I have it on paper and documented/seen, I'm believed.

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Well , I have mentioned this in my blog, I actually made myself sick during a period that I was delusional. This was medication induced delusions. Delusions are not a normal symptom of my MI. I was in a rather bad mixed state, very confused and functioning poorly, I could not figure out how to use a calculator. Anyway, someone at work provided me their extra french fries, I ate them like a ravenous dog and felt amazingly better. I Became convinced that this was the true cure to my MI. I hate french fries only for 4 days.

Needless to say then I couldnt poop.........I ended up IP shortly after this. Looking back it fucking cracks me up.

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I ask my tdoc/pdoc/parents for a reality check.

 

Yes I have found that to be a good strategy too... but in "the moment" I have done stuff out of pure reaction to shit that was going down in my mind.... I can ask for a reality check later and sometimes before.... it really just depends. x

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Well , I have mentioned this in my blog, I actually made myself sick during a period that I was delusional. This was medication induced delusions. Delusions are not a normal symptom of my MI. I was in a rather bad mixed state, very confused and functioning poorly, I could not figure out how to use a calculator. Anyway, someone at work provided me their extra french fries, I ate them like a ravenous dog and felt amazingly better. I Became convinced that this was the true cure to my MI. I hate french fries only for 4 days.

Needless to say then I couldnt poop.........I ended up IP shortly after this. Looking back it fucking cracks me up.

 

Can you eat french fries now or are you like "no way can't touch them"..... I can see the funny side... that must have been a lot of french fries... x

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it was alot of french fries.   I am a crazy healthy eater, like juicing and primarily a raw diet during the day.  I never touch fast food.  Actually I have no desire to touch another fry.

But they do seem to make me feel better to this day, if I do decide to indulge. 

I told alot of people of my discovery as well.....they just cocked their head and nodded. 

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I get a lot of paranoia problems. I don't answer the phone anymore. It's hard to leave the house due to irrational fear and anxiety and paranoia. I email or write people or talk face to face and call them out on whatever it is my head has been stewing on. Like why do u hate me? What did I do. Are you poisoning my meds? Are you somehow spying on me in my house or car? Are you trying to steal my purse? Etc.

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I get a lot of paranoia problems. I don't answer the phone anymore. It's hard to leave the house due to irrational fear and anxiety and paranoia. I email or write people or talk face to face and call them out on whatever it is my head has been stewing on. Like why do u hate me? What did I do. Are you poisoning my meds? Are you somehow spying on me in my house or car? Are you trying to steal my purse? Etc.

 

I hear you cheese! I try not to do this  =  but like with the SMS to my boss sometimes I can't help myself in the moment... the fear just takes over and it all comes out! x

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've walked out of stores because I thought there were cameras in the clothing watching me.

 

I've refused to eat or drink because I thought there was poison in the food/water.

 

I've refused to eat French fries (ironic cause that's what we were just talking about) because I thought they were going to mutilate my body...

 

You see how it is.

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I've walked out of stores because I thought there were cameras in the clothing watching me.

 

I thought this also, then changed my mindset to think that I had a personal bodyguard throughout the store, so if anything bad happened then it would be recorded, to prove to people where I was, that I hadn't done anything wrong, etc.

 

 

I've refused to eat or drink because I thought there was poison in the food/water.

 

Me too.  Except I could buy something (food), and only eat the first few spoonfuls/bites, but when I left the food alone i believed someone was putting cocaine in it.  And the thing was, was at the time I was losing a considerable amount of weight, so the drugs added to the food made sense to me.

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  • 1 month later...

8 months ago i had my first episode. I thought people where trying to posien me in the hospital so i would be cearful with what i said. I told my husband when he visited me what they where doing to me. I did funny things like not eat dinner but ate deserts. Would eat things that where wrapped up or in a packet. Since being on meds i have had nothing like that happen to me.

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8 months ago i had my first episode. I thought people where trying to posien me in the hospital so i would be cearful with what i said. I told my husband when he visited me what they where doing to me. I did funny things like not eat dinner but ate deserts. Would eat things that where wrapped up or in a packet. Since being on meds i have had nothing like that happen to me.

 

^^THIS.  I also thought the medication was injected with drugs (cocaine, PCP, etc) somehow.  Made with the drugs in them, directly from the manufacturer; just the other people taking the meds didn't realize there were drugs in them. 

 

Also thought that pot smoke was coming out of the ceiling vents when they came on.  The odd thing was, was that I realized it because every time the vents came on I could see a slight haze, and was calming me down right away.

 

I wasn't eating the food in one of the hospitals while IP, and one night they brought up this dinner of chicken and potatoes (whole small ones) and a vegetable of some kind, and made me eat it.  I got through half of it when "someone" pushed a button somewhere and gave me the beginning of a stroke.  Thing with that was, was that I really felt like one was coming on.

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Well , I have mentioned this in my blog, I actually made myself sick during a period that I was delusional. This was medication induced delusions. Delusions are not a normal symptom of my MI. I was in a rather bad mixed state, very confused and functioning poorly, I could not figure out how to use a calculator. Anyway, someone at work provided me their extra french fries, I ate them like a ravenous dog and felt amazingly better. I Became convinced that this was the true cure to my MI. I hate french fries only for 4 days.

Needless to say then I couldnt poop.........I ended up IP shortly after this. Looking back it fucking cracks me up.

OMG, the French (fry) connection! Lmao. The crazies have a funny bone, no?
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The worse thing I did was give my children raw garlic to eat, thinking they could stave off demon possession. That was during my first psychotic break. I also paced around my living room for 8 hours, chanting about Jesus, to try to keep the devil at bay. I was on my knees praying to Jesus in the front yard after I called 911, telling everyone to repent. I was an atheist before my psychosis.

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