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I gave in to the urges...


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I gave in to my urges to self harm last ngiht, after almost a year being 'clean'. The wounds are small and shallow, but I'm stil so disappointed in myself.

 

I also ordered proper razors from amazon. I've only used proper razors once before and I ended up in hospital getting stitches.

 

I don't really know what to do. I want to cancel the order but theres a big part of my brain telling me I neeeeeeed them. ugh.

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Almost a year clean is a great accomplishment! Like Empty Inside said, relapses happen. Now you know you are able to hold back for a year, you've already done it. That shows you have the strength to resist.

 

As for the tools, I'm really divided about what approach to take and fear I may give you potentially harmful advice, I'll let more experienced people express themselves.

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I gave in to my urges to self harm last ngiht, after almost a year being 'clean'. The wounds are small and shallow, but I'm stil so disappointed in myself.

 

I also ordered proper razors from amazon. I've only used proper razors once before and I ended up in hospital getting stitches.

 

I don't really know what to do. I want to cancel the order but theres a big part of my brain telling me I neeeeeeed them. ugh.

 

Hey, just checking in. How are you? Did you cancel the order?

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I gave in to my urges to self harm last ngiht, after almost a year being 'clean'. The wounds are small and shallow, but I'm stil so disappointed in myself.

 

I also ordered proper razors from amazon. I've only used proper razors once before and I ended up in hospital getting stitches.

 

I don't really know what to do. I want to cancel the order but theres a big part of my brain telling me I neeeeeeed them. ugh.

 

Hey, just checking in. How are you? Did you cancel the order?

 

Hi, no, i didn't cancel it because it had already dispatched :/

 

I've spoken to my housemate and they are going to deal with the package for me, i think they'll probably return it for me.

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Well done; declining or sabotaging tools can be very hard for me to do even when I'm not having urges to SI, so I admire your ability to handle that. It's good that your housemate stepped up for you, too. 

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I recently self harmed after a year clean. It's frustrating, but it doesn't mean that you need to go back to your old habits. Just try to figure out what was it that triggered you. When I had self harmed again I acknowledged that there was an event that triggered it, and tried to see it as a bad response to a abnormal situation. 

 

Good for you for asking your housemate to do that. It sounds silly but I still can't give up my blades. I don't know why. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Someone once put it to me as you've harmed once in a year & that is still incredible! And it is.
Please try to be gentle with yourself, you've obviously been having a difficult enough time without the extra guilt.
You did an amazing job in getting your housemate to deal with the package.
Hang in there, as cliche as it is, two steps forward and one step back.

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