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I'm really struggling again with not being straight.  Having to constantly decide to come out as lesbian to others...or hide it. I feel like since I'm only partially out, this is a CONSTANT struggle, and it's exhausting...who can I come out to; who should I hold back from; when should I come out to people; is it even necessary...maybe...I don't know.  I'm realizing the impact it's going to have on what my future will look like...and what my family will have to put up with. My brother's wedding really, REALLY flipped a switch.  While it's legal in NY for same-sex couples to get married, I KNOW that if/when it's my turn, it will never be the big, fabulous, family and friends affair it was for my brother.  And, even though I may not even want that, it bothers me. My parents won't want their friends and the extended family to be invited...they don't even want me telling my grandparents I'm a lesbian...so...yeah.  I hate how uncomfortable it makes my parents. My dad likes to pretend it doesn't exist...and my mom tries, but wavers between trying to be supportive and saying things like "stop trying to be SO gay..." or "are you *really* sure...because I don't think you are..." and lest we forget this was the woman who told me I should never tell my grandparents. 

 

I hate being gay. 

I don't want it. 

I want to either go back to before I started coming out and was pretending I just wasn't into dating...or I want to find a way to learn to like and be attracted to men.  

This is too hard. 

I hate this. 

And I'm sorry if that makes me a bad person. I thought things would be better after I started coming out to people...and while everyone has been pretty cool...it's made things infinitely more difficult and exhausting.  Now I feel like I'm forever walking a tightrope in a room with a giant pink elephant in it.  

It's been three years since I came out to the first person (my jackass first therapist who referred to this as my "lesbian issues"...complete with air quotes)...and if anything, I hate myself more and things are infinitely more difficult...and I'm exhausted.  

When does this get easier? Does it ever? I'm not so sure...

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As someone who has been openly queer for most of my life, it does get better (depending a bit on where you live, I think, but NY is one of the better areas). 

 

In my experience, it's hard at first. Being gay gives you a new social identity, in a way. People don't always like it. Some people don't mind it but still stutter over it a tad like they're surprised and they weren't expecting it. Realizing that you're gay and starting to come out can be a huge adjustment. You're not alone at all in struggling with it. So very many of us have wished we could make ourselves straight. 

 

It sounds like you're getting some bad junk from the people who should be your support system. Are there perhaps any LGBT groups (not dating, support-type) in your area? I went to a youth support group regularly as a teenager and found it really helpful. It can be really helpful, when you're struggling to figure this stuff out, to spend time around people who are going through or have gone through the same thing. They can help you sort it out and piece it together and figure out where you're coming from and where you're going. 

 

And I just want to say this because it sounds like you haven't been hearing it enough. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. It's unusual, but it's not shameful, and your family is in the wrong for acting like it is. It's a natural variation on the spectrum of humanity. Like being born with grey eyes. 

 

And hey, if you ever want some gay-lady bonding time, maybe we should start a thread here where we can all tell our stories of crushes on straight people or celebrity crushes or something like that. 

Edited by Sync
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Would definitely be up for queer lady time (or gay lady time, depending on your preference). Here's Jane Lynch and Ellen DeGeneres playing 'Lady Lovers Game' if it cheers you up.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a lesbian. And you are definitely not the only one with a lot of internalised homophobia. Have your parents shown any effort to support and respect you? 

 

I think finding a sort of small LGBT family helped me a lot. Having other queer people in my life who had nothing but sympathy and understanding was so important because they just got things that straight/cis people didn't get. Being out is scary as hell and its pretty impressive. 

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Sync- I did need to hear that. I know it's ok to be gay, but I do need to hear it...because, you're right, I'm not hearing it often enough. I have some wonderful people around me who have been nothing but loving and supportive...and then there's those who haven't. And it's their voices and words I keep hearing in my head. No one has been outwardly awful...just a bit dismissive mostly. The other one throwing me was my best friend's reaction. She was supportive like crazy and part of the "duh...I was waiting for you to tell me" club...until she said "now, being a teacher, you're going to need to keep this quiet from everyone you work with. You wouldn't want this getting out as it could damage your reputation as an educator."

I think a lot of others just simply don't believe me, so they play along. I was in my early 30's before I started coming out, and that seems to throw people...they think I didn't know before then and that that's weird. I had a pdoc tell me as much once in a very heated conversation that ended with me walking out of the appointment. I try to explain that I definitely knew; I just didn't deal with it before then.

I just want and need to figure out how to be comfortable with myself. I knew it would be hard at first, but I guess I thought by now I'd be in a better place. My brother's wedding made me realize I'm so not (among other things...his wedding was like one giant trigger for every emotional issue I have going on right now...it's been two months, and I'm still a wreck.).

Ananke- my parents have tried. The immediate reaction was that they knew all along and had been talking about it and wondering when I would say something since I was in HS (so for over 20 years). They said they just wanted me to be happy, and if this made me happy, then that's all that matters...but quickly it bece this thing where my dad shifts unconfortabaly in his seat should anything come up, and my mom goes between wanting to talk about it (thus proving she's trying and cool- like she tells me) and wanting to point out to me how I'm trying and changing too much. Even though I'm not. She freaked when I got my latest tattoo because I was trying too hard to be gay...even though I've had tattoos for almost 20 years. So, I don't know. I think they maybe want to try, but just can't. I want to make it easier for them; I just truly don't know how.

To both of you- as for a support group...there aren't any around here for people my age, and if there were my social anxiety makes that almost impossible. I have a hard time going out with my friends...meeting a whole group of new people is too much right now. If that makes sense. I wa apart of an online one once, but they banned me for being too emotionally unstable. They said I was a danger (seriously their words) to have around because of my MI issues. :(

I just feel stuck. Like I'm not sure what to do next to make this better and easier for my parents. And I don't know how to reconcile it being who I am for me. And the constant struggle with who knows and who doesn't, and who's safe to tell and who might not be...it's tearing me up. It's exhasuting to have to remember who I can talk to and who I have to play the "I'm just not in a place to date right now" game with for now.

Btw...if we're talking celebrity crushes, I have decided I am going to marry Gwen Steffani after watching her on The Voice...she may be the *only* reason I'm watching it. And if that doesn't work out, I would settle for.m Laura Prepon...especially when she's done up as Alex Vausse...I would be her prison wife in a second. :)

Sorry for the book length response. I just don't have a place to get all of this out. My current tdoc tries as best she can, but she doesn't truly get it. So we don't talk as much about this as maybe we should.

Edited by LesMis4
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LesMis4, I would go.  I would send out a thousand applications to anywhere else you've ever dreamed of living, somewhere with a larger LGBTQ community, somewhere where you could be you from day one!  You'll get unconditionally loving pets.  You'll set up an OKC profile, but only when you're ready.  (We have the same diagnosis train.)  It's time to leave your parents behind.  When they need you, you'll be there, but they haven't been supportive of you the way parents should be, and it's time to put some space between you.  I am the proud big sister of a lesbian.  When she moved to a new town she didn't know any lesbians, so I encouraged to make an OKC profile, and she started to build a little LGBTQ family.  I think Sync and Akanke have a great idea there, and Sync's idea of having an online group is a great one too!  You need to be with people you can breathe around!  

Fun fact:  my sister worked for a straight wedding magazine for awhile.  They tried running a gay story - two grooms.  "Where the bride?"  Just get away from it.  Love should be celebrated everywhere it blooms, and everyone who loves you should be happy for you.  It's not fair that your love shouldn't be welcomed with the same enthusiasm as your brother's, but I don't think you should wait for your family's approval.  I think you should go out in search of happiness, and when you find it, hang on to it.  Invite whomever you want to.  And celebrate with whomever wants to share your day with you and your beloved.  Perhaps you'll be surprised!  Don't let anyone run interference on your happiness.

I'm really grateful for this site.  It's the only place I'm really out with my MI.  I'm sorry that you've had to deal with MI discrimination and LGBTQ discrimination, but only one of those things is a disease.  You deserve to be in a place and in a community that knows that!!!!!!

Akanke, I love your name!  I saw it on a baby names website once and it's on a list of my favorite names somewhere.  It means something like "to see her is to love her," doesn't it?

Sync, I wonder if Sertraline is bi.  It sounds really nice.

What's with the straight girl crushes, ladies?!  Isn't this self-torture?!  When I heard Ben Whishaw was gay is was like a knife to the chest!  :  :o
 

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Do they do that weird passive aggressive thing where 'its okay as long as I never have to deal with it' or 'as long as we don't talk about it I can forget about it'? Don't know if this is just an outsiders perspective but they don't seem to want to reconcile themselves with something that, frankly, has nothing to do with them. I know some people set ultimatums for their parents, like get over yourselves or I can't be around you, but thats a bold move. Please don't feel that the onus of them accepting your sexuality is on you. You aren't some sort of ambassador, you're their daughter.

 

That online group sounds awful. So much for inclusiveness >:( Sorry that local support is difficult at the moment, maybe you can start by posting more on the LGBT section here? :)

 

I don't think I've ever really had a crush on a straight girl before... Apart from Lucy Liu, who as far as I'm aware isn't batting for our team. 

 

I kinda picked this username randomly.. sorry! But it sounds like a pretty name.

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Being gay is really hard.  I hate that I won't be able to have biological children with my partner.  I hate that the dating pool is smaller and harder to find.  I hate the awkward conversations, and the feeling invisible, and the having to decide in a million casual conversations if I want to hide by using gender neutral pronouns to refer to my partner, or deal with "coming out" to people I don't know well enough to want to have that conversation with and who might well be ignorant, rude, or hostile.  My wedding will never be "traditional" and I wanted that.  Like, a lot.

 

But I don't hate myself for being gay.  I don't believe that there is anything wrong with being gay, or that it makes you a bad person, or that it's something that you will change your mind about, or a phase, or whatever other weird bullshit people try to shove down your throat.

 

It sounds like what you're dealing with, the homophobia and the lack of social support - that's a different issue, that can be worked on and addressed.  There's nothing wrong with being gay.  It's difficult and different, but it's not wrong.  And if people aren't supportive of you, and aren't willing to educate themselves and LEARN to be supportive without putting all of the burden on you to conceal it and educate them and hide yourself away - that's their fucking problem.  It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you.  You don't always have to be the educator, and the activist, and the advocate.  It's nice if you are sometimes, when YOU are comfortable.  But just because you're gay and people struggle with it, doesn't mean it's your responsibility to take their crap.

 

It does get easier.  When I first realized I was gay, it really messed with my self-esteem.  I worried if people could tell and what they were thinking and I felt really alone.  But it's easier for me now - over time I got used to the fact that being gay is just a part of who I am, and if people don't like it, that's their problem and their prejudice.  I have the right to be who I am in the world.

 

If your parents are interested in learning, there are PFLAG support groups and resources for parents.  Yeah it sucks that those are necessary, but some people find it helpful.  My parents came around with time and they find it a lot easier now, which makes it easier for me.  Sometimes it really IS just time and allowing them to figure it out - it's not your job to do that for them.  My mother was kind of like yours - she just seemed weird and uncomfortable for the first little while - but she's gotten over it and now it's not weird at all.

 

I used to go to support groups and be part of various LGBT groups, which helped me feel less alone - it sucks that that isn't an option for you, but there are other options.  I also did a lot of reading and made an effort to seek out books where there were characters who were LGBT and that was accepted/okay (if you like sci-fi or fantasy I can recommend some).  

 

It does get better.

Edited by tryp
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you know how 

everyone just automatically 

assumes you're straight

until you say otherwise?

 

i assume everyone

is automatically

gay (or some other flavor)

until they say otherwise

 

makes things a bit

easier

sometimes

 

anyways

reading about

LGBTQIA history

helps me some

as does

educating folks

when i can

(J and i live)

(in a wee southern mtn town)

(so that comes)

(with some risk)

 

do what you need to do

to take care of 

yourself

 

did writing your initial post

and getting it out

help some?

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I second/third/fourth the statement that it does, in fact, get easier. I came out in my late 20s, so not all that earlier than you. And this was after having been engaged to a guy (long story short, i was quite confused and I also learned that he was an asshole w/r/t his feelings for me). So needless to say, some people were surprised. And then there were all those people who weren't...who I wish had said something to me earlier so I wouldn't have been as confused. But enough about me. 

 

At the beginning, it's this big, scary, new thing. Even if it's not new to you and you've known all along but not been sure how to deal with it, coming to terms with your sexuality will have a newness to it when you start deciding that you do want to live your life loving the people you love and being attracted to the people you're attracted to. and it's big initially because society has its expectations, and you have your own expectations, and it's just complicated. But....gradually...it's no longer new and scary. It's just this part of you. Like any other part of you. 

 

Books can be helpful...and I'm a member of an LGBTQ book club and hiking group (found through meetup.com) and found that to be helpful too. And time, honestly, can be helpful. But it can take having some supportive and understanding friends--gay or straight--sometimes. Just because it's a hard journey by yourself. It doesn't have to be, but it frequently is. 

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LesMis4, I would go.  I would send out a thousand applications to anywhere else you've ever dreamed of living, somewhere with a larger LGBTQ community, somewhere where you could be you from day one!  You'll get unconditionally loving pets.  You'll set up an OKC profile, but only when you're ready.  (We have the same diagnosis train.)  It's time to leave your parents behind.  When they need you, you'll be there, but they haven't been supportive of you the way parents should be, and it's time to put some space between you.  I am the proud big sister of a lesbian.  When she moved to a new town she didn't know any lesbians, so I encouraged to make an OKC profile, and she started to build a little LGBTQ family.  I think Sync and Akanke have a great idea there, and Sync's idea of having an online group is a great one too!  You need to be with people you can breathe around!  

I wish I had that kind of mobility, Inanlae.  I'm pretty set in my job, and to leave would mean a major hit to my retirement and my seniority.  The teaching world is rather volatile right now as far as jobs go. So, now that I have one that I have some seniority and job security with, it would be foolish to leave it, unfortunately. I wish I could, because the idea of starting over some place totally new where I could just start out being me is appealing. But, I have to work with what I have at the moment. I do have a OKC profile, actually...and I'm currently taking to someone pretty awesome...so we'll see.  I think my parents aren't sure how to be supportive. They want to, but they don't know how...and now that this is reality to them and not just something they're discussing as a possibility, it's become too hard for them to handle...if that makes sense. 

 

Do they do that weird passive aggressive thing where 'its okay as long as I never have to deal with it' or 'as long as we don't talk about it I can forget about it'? Don't know if this is just an outsiders perspective but they don't seem to want to reconcile themselves with something that, frankly, has nothing to do with them. I know some people set ultimatums for their parents, like get over yourselves or I can't be around you, but thats a bold move. Please don't feel that the onus of them accepting your sexuality is on you. You aren't some sort of ambassador, you're their daughter.

 

That online group sounds awful. So much for inclusiveness > :( Sorry that local support is difficult at the moment, maybe you can start by posting more on the LGBT section here? :)

That's exactly what they do, ananake. My mom just about spit out her drink when I said I was going to home to watch The Voice so I could drool over Gwen Stefani.  Then she regained her composure, and laughed this ridiculously uncomfortable laugh and rolled her eyes. My dad...never flinched...never made eye contact...never even acknowledged I was in the room. And that's how it usually goes. 

 

I was really upset with that online group. It was great while I was a part of it, but to be banished like that and told I was dangerous was a HUGE kick to the gut.  I can't tell you how long that took to get over...although, it still really bothers me. 

 

I could try posting here more. :)  I've stuck mainly to the SH and bipolar boards as those are the MI things I'm struggling with. But, I could post here, too...:) 

 

Being gay is really hard.  I hate that I won't be able to have biological children with my partner.  I hate that the dating pool is smaller and harder to find.  I hate the awkward conversations, and the feeling invisible, and the having to decide in a million casual conversations if I want to hide by using gender neutral pronouns to refer to my partner, or deal with "coming out" to people I don't know well enough to want to have that conversation with and who might well be ignorant, rude, or hostile.  My wedding will never be "traditional" and I wanted that.  Like, a lot.

 

But I don't hate myself for being gay.  I don't believe that there is anything wrong with being gay, or that it makes you a bad person, or that it's something that you will change your mind about, or a phase, or whatever other weird bullshit people try to shove down your throat.

 

It sounds like what you're dealing with, the homophobia and the lack of social support - that's a different issue, that can be worked on and addressed.  There's nothing wrong with being gay.  It's difficult and different, but it's not wrong.  And if people aren't supportive of you, and aren't willing to educate themselves and LEARN to be supportive without putting all of the burden on you to conceal it and educate them and hide yourself away - that's their fucking problem.  It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you.  You don't always have to be the educator, and the activist, and the advocate.  It's nice if you are sometimes, when YOU are comfortable.  But just because you're gay and people struggle with it, doesn't mean it's your responsibility to take their crap.

 

It does get easier.  When I first realized I was gay, it really messed with my self-esteem.  I worried if people could tell and what they were thinking and I felt really alone.  But it's easier for me now - over time I got used to the fact that being gay is just a part of who I am, and if people don't like it, that's their problem and their prejudice.  I have the right to be who I am in the world.

 

If your parents are interested in learning, there are PFLAG support groups and resources for parents.  Yeah it sucks that those are necessary, but some people find it helpful.  My parents came around with time and they find it a lot easier now, which makes it easier for me.  Sometimes it really IS just time and allowing them to figure it out - it's not your job to do that for them.  My mother was kind of like yours - she just seemed weird and uncomfortable for the first little while - but she's gotten over it and now it's not weird at all.

 

I used to go to support groups and be part of various LGBT groups, which helped me feel less alone - it sucks that that isn't an option for you, but there are other options.  I also did a lot of reading and made an effort to seek out books where there were characters who were LGBT and that was accepted/okay (if you like sci-fi or fantasy I can recommend some).  

 

It does get better.

This makes me feel better. All of it.  The fact that someone else had the same thoughts and fears that I do.  The fact that it's also possible to learn to not hate yourself so much.  I seem to go in cycles with this. For a while, I'll be good and totally ok...and then I slip back into this mode. My brother getting married has really kicked me back into this place...realizing how different my life will be from his...and it makes me really sad. I want what he has...what he has always had...which has always seemed to be unconditional support and acceptance from my parents. He can do no wrong. I'm the problem child who manages to screw everything up...including this aspect of me as well.  I want them to be proud of me. And, when the time comes for me to get married and settle down, I want them to be as excited to share the news with their friends and our family.  I know that won't happen. It will be very selective...who can be told who can't...and it really pisses me off and makes me extremely sad.  It's like just one other aspect of my life that will never be right. 

 

you know how 

everyone just automatically 

assumes you're straight

until you say otherwise?

 

i assume everyone

is automatically

gay (or some other flavor)

until they say otherwise

 

do what you need to do

to take care of 

yourself

 

did writing your initial post

and getting it out

help some?

I love that perspective. :)  It would make life so much easier if that was the prevailing assumption...although, then I guess there would be reverse issues for straight people.  I guess I just want people to know me and love me and accept me...without putting conditions on as to who I can talk to and not talk to...

 

Writing the initial post...yes...it's nice to have others chime in and make me feel not so much like a freak.  Like I want to just be me. But, I feel like I fit someplace in-between the two groups...not in attraction (I tried dating guys...not for me for sure), but in the way I should be reacting and behaving. Somewhere between being cautious who knows and being proud of who I am and not afraid to just come out.  I'm not sure where I belong. But, I'm not ready, nor do I want, either one...if that makes sense. 

 

I second/third/fourth the statement that it does, in fact, get easier. I came out in my late 20s, so not all that earlier than you. And this was after having been engaged to a guy (long story short, i was quite confused and I also learned that he was an asshole w/r/t his feelings for me). So needless to say, some people were surprised. And then there were all those people who weren't...who I wish had said something to me earlier so I wouldn't have been as confused. But enough about me. 

 

At the beginning, it's this big, scary, new thing. Even if it's not new to you and you've known all along but not been sure how to deal with it, coming to terms with your sexuality will have a newness to it when you start deciding that you do want to live your life loving the people you love and being attracted to the people you're attracted to. and it's big initially because society has its expectations, and you have your own expectations, and it's just complicated. But....gradually...it's no longer new and scary. It's just this part of you. Like any other part of you. 

 

Books can be helpful...and I'm a member of an LGBTQ book club and hiking group (found through meetup.com) and found that to be helpful too. And time, honestly, can be helpful. But it can take having some supportive and understanding friends--gay or straight--sometimes. Just because it's a hard journey by yourself. It doesn't have to be, but it frequently is. 

"...who I wish had said something to me earlier so I wouldn't have been as confused."  That was almost what I said to my mother the night I came out to her.  She said she knew, and I tried to get her to say it...I remember saying to her "This would be a lot easier if you would just say this."  She laughed and said she didn't think that was how it was supposed to go.  Anyway...it's hugely scary...I agree. I feel like everything changes now. And, I'm not sure how I feel about that. 

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Just another vote of support and I am absolutely ready to participate in a gay lady thread!

 

For what it's worth, I just got gay married on Friday, and even though it was a civil ceremony at the courthouse with no family present, it feels really really good. Better than I imagined, after seven years of being together and functionally married, it just feels great and so much different. You'll get there, and when you do it will be wonderful.

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Just another vote of support and I am absolutely ready to participate in a gay lady thread!

For what it's worth, I just got gay married on Friday, and even though it was a civil ceremony at the courthouse with no family present, it feels really really good. Better than I imagined, after seven years of being together and functionally married, it just feels great and so much different. You'll get there, and when you do it will be wonderful.

That's so awesome!!! Congrats! :)

I really want it to be wonderful. I hope to god it is...because this crap is too hard to go through for there to be nothing fabulous at the end.

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I just want to say I'm so sorry you feel so bad about yourself. You sound wonderful. Everyone deserves a kind and loving family and friend set, gay or not.

Love is love and this is something I have believed to be true for all of my life.

I hate that society has made you feel hate about an important part of yourself.

I hope you can keep your chin up and stay strong!

Sending all the support in the world,

Cheese

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I'm really sorry that you're having such a hard time with your family, and that it's impacting your feelings for yourself so badly...

 

And I just want to say, as a straight woman, I want you to know that if I ever had the privilege of meeting you and being your friend, I would love you just the same as I love all my friends, straight, gay, trans-it doesn't matter to me. I hate it that we've come so far, together, and some people still can't accept the gay people who they've been given as family or friends.

 

That goes for all of you.Got your backs.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am so glad to read this thread. A lot of what you wrote resonates.

 

I am currently in the process of moving cities, in large part to get away from internal and external homophobia. The city I currently live is rather backward and very conservative, the city I'm going to is extremely liberal. Basically I am much safer there, and am ridiculously excited to go.

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I'm really sorry that you're having such a hard time with your family, and that it's impacting your feelings for yourself so badly...

 

And I just want to say, as a straight woman, I want you to know that if I ever had the privilege of meeting you and being your friend, I would love you just the same as I love all my friends, straight, gay, trans-it doesn't matter to me. I hate it that we've come so far, together, and some people still can't accept the gay people who they've been given as family or friends.

 

That goes for all of you.Got your backs.

couldn't say it any better.

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  • 2 weeks later...

LesMis4 -

 

I can't speak to the lesbian side of things (wrong kit) but whenever you're dealing with any flavor of depression it's much too easy to allow self-critical thinking about aspects of yourself you cannot change become solid barriers to beating the depression.  Remember that any time you catch your mind sending you a bad thought about yourself for being gay, that's a false signal - a manifestation of your depression.  You don't have to accept those thoughts.  You can recognize them as false signals in your mind, and dismiss them, until ultimately you don't hear them anymore.

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  • 3 weeks later...

A little late to the party, and most of what I was going to say has already been said quite well by the previous posters, so I'm just going to add/reaffirm that being lesbian is tough, but it really does get easier. I knew that I was lesbian when I was five (not that had the vocabulary to articulate what/how I was feeling at such a young age). The way I describe knowing that when I was so young to people is, "When I was a kid, I used to watch a lot of TVLand. And I loved watching I Love Lucy and Bewitched all the time. And even though I was only a little kid, I knew that according to society and to television, every little girl is supposed to be able to identify with Lucy Ricardo or Samantha Stevens and want a husband. But that's how I knew I was different. Because I didn't want a Ricky or a Darren; I wanted to both be Samantha and have a Samantha or Lucy. I didn't know that meant I was gay. I just knew that meant I was different. And because I didn't have any lesbian role models in television or in real life, I knew it was something I should keep to myself, and that's why it took me so long to figure out my sexuality. Because I repressed it so long trying desperately to not be gay."

 

Even though I came to terms with my sexuality after reading these two books, I'm still going to recommend them, anyway: the first is called Like Me by Chely Wright, and the second is called Same Sex in the City (So Your Prince Charming is Really a Cinderella) by Lauren Blitzer (who ended up becoming Chely's wife!) and Lauren Levin. But mostly especially Like Me, as it deals with Chely's struggle to comes to terms with her sexuality, the coming out process, etc. (There's also a documentary she made called Wish Me Away if you're more of an audio-visual person.)

 

Nowadays I'm mostly OK with my sexuality and telling people such. I do still worry about displaying affection in public, or coming out to healthcare professionals (when necessary), mostly because of what other people's reactions might be. In terms of potential future wedding and family, I figure I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

 

P.S. - Can I join in on the gay lady celebrity crush club? (Meryl Streep!! What a goddess!)

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  • 1 month later...

Hi and welcome, maybe you can write something about yourself on the introduction forum? It's really hard reconciling an inherent part of yourself with something society makes you feel is wrong. There is nothing wrong or different about you being bi/lesbian. Being 'out' is always a process, and never a one-time thing, sadly.

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