Purging as coping mechanism

[ozzy1313]

I am 38 and have been pretty much recovered from an eating disorder for 20 years. During that time I have maybe purged 3-5x a year. This past few months I have been purging 3-5x/week. I seem to be doing it more as a coping mechanism than weight loss. I guess I am using it how one would take a drink or pop a pill. I purge and then feel so much calmer. When I am feeling good/normal, I have no desire to purge (no matter how much I ate)- it's only when I am depressed or mad at myself.

 

Is this my eating disorder rearing it's ugly head, or just a poor way of coping? Can one have an eating disorder come and go like this?

[The Dead Guy]

Can one have an eating disorder come and go like this?

 

It works that way for me, yeah. I've noticed it's tied into the depression for me, and anxiety too.

 

Purging isn't part of this for me, so I don't want to talk out my ass. But vomiting does release endorphins into the bloodstream. I can see how it could end up being a way to purge your thoughts or feelings, or get a release. To me, it sounds like one aspect of ED has morphed into a coping skill. 

 

Have you looked at the self-harm forum? There might be some things you could apply from there, too. At least, the way you talk about it is pretty similar to the way I think of my self-harm, in some ways. Especially feeling better immediately after, and using it as a safety valve to let off your feelings.

[WinterRosie]

I tend to see my purging as SI. For me they're roughly equal. 

The thing is, it's possible to relapse from recovery. Always, even decades later (although more unlikely, still possible). It's equally possible that it's a coping mechanism. It'd be something worth exploring, as this seems like a dark place to be in.

[ozzy1313]

I have been using purging as self harm- I'm not doing it as a weight thing. I guess it is similar to cutting, which I have also done in the past. Purging is just an easier SI to hide.

 

Time for better coping skills

[WinterRosie]

Do you know how to develop better coping skills?

[ozzy1313]

I have learned some in the past. many years ago I took a dbt class and that helped so much, but I am feeling very stubborn during this latest episode and angry at anyone who wants to help me. I think I have reverted back to being a teen.

[San]

I do purge as a coping mechanism sometimes.. I'll binge and purge.. it's like SI used to be for me. ED's can come and go. I was in remission for years and the EDNOS has crept back up on me.

 

I hope you get some relief. Do you have a tdoc to talk to about this?

[Van]

did something happen that influenced your depression or made you mad at yourself?

My ED comes in spurts, too- it's always sort of there, but it really shows itself every once in a while. Usually during times of stress and depression. 

[xJux_xCherry]

I think it's a mix of both. It's a coping mechanism but stems from ED.

It is such a relieving feeling to purge after emotions get out of control. Definitely SI as it is harmful to you though.