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melancholy and PTSD - I really need help


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Hi all,

 

I have PTSD (I suspect complex PTSD). I've done a lot of work on myself and I've overcome the worst of the flashbacks and the hypervigilence, but I just can't seem to shake the depression. There's this lingering feeling of emptiness no matter what.

 

I know it's related to my traumas. Meds aren't useful, and immaculate diet and exercise give me energy and make my body feel great, but my heart still feels sad.  It started when I was being bullied at school and had issues at home. It got worse as traumatic event after trauatic event pilled on (I could list but it would take too long :P). I feel so detached from life. I can feel any emotion for a short period of time, but I aways go back to  either feel numb or a feeling like a freshly broken heart. I don't see myself having a future, and I don't care which keeps me from making any real progress in any part of my life (creative, social, career.... even stuff like home improvent, or personal goals)

 

how am I supposed to deal with this???? There has to be a way. I've found things for flashbacks and hypervigelence and I've made so much progress everywhere else. There has to be someway to work on the pervasive melancholy. I wasn't always like this and I know there has to be someway to heal.  Please suggest anything you think may help or tell me if you feel the same as I do....

Edited by Exuvia
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Hi all,

 

I have PTSD (I suspect complex PTSD). I've done a lot of work on myself and I've overcome the worst of the flashbacks and the hypervigilence, but I just can't seem to shake the depression. There's this lingering feeling of emptiness no matter what.

 

I know it's related to my traumas. 

oh my god.

I have been doing mindfulness for years and years.

My depression is PTSD/Trauma related.

 

I have done SO much work myself.

Good for you overcoming the fb's and hyper shit.

That VERY encouraging for me to hear.

 

on my behalf, my melancholy has improved!

best tools:

MinFULLness

Living IN the moment, same thing.

 

Finding the trigger I Mmediately. and stopping it in it's tracks.

 

good meds, good friends, active life, some excercising, eating well, sleeping mostly (sleep aides saved me)

 

and spending hours here at cb.

loveshower.gif

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It might sound like a small thing, but reminding yourself every day how far you've come and how much you've accomplished. Every damn time you walk past the mirror, or reflective surface. I'm not promising miracles but you deserve to be congratulated on your progress!

 

I can definitely relate to feeling like a broken heart all the time. I thought my soul was dying or something

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glad to know I'm not the only one. And thank you, ananke. It feels really good to hear that.

 

water, your response makes me wonder if sometimes those of us with PTSD overcome the different aspects of our PTSD in a different order. I jhope this is true and maybe sometime soon my melancholy and your FBs and hyper-vigilance will have improved. For me, the emotional wounds were worse that the threats to my safety (both were awful, but the emotional damage was worse) so maybe that's why I'm lagging in that area. IDK.... mindfulness helps me a lot in the present moment, but the sadness is always flowing through me even when if I stop resisting it. Resisiting it does make it far more comfortable. If I have to think of the future at all that awful feeling comes back full force and I feel like it' choking me. What groceries will I need next week? I'll still be alive then?... OH my aching heart! :lol:

Edited by Exuvia
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I don't have the melancholy so frequently anymore, but there was a long, long period where I did. Now I mostly have blunted affect. Which... I don't know if that's really progress. It's different, for sure. 

 

I think... for me at least, the sadness was always proportionate. It was reasonable. It was a completely normal response to an abnormal situation. I always dealt with it in... bursts, I think. It's a lot to feel at once, and it's a lot to deal with. I would schedule times to just sit and BE just overwhelmingly sad. And then the rest of the time I would push it away as best I could and I would go on about my life. I find that my feelings want to be listened to. They are so insistent because I push them down so much. If I know I have time set aside to stop and listen and acknowledge them, it makes them much less intense and insistent the rest of the time. It's a technique my wonderful rape crisis counselor taught me. 

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I go through periods where everything is just black, nothing helps. the only way I can function is through distraction, mostly work. Probably why I haven't take any holidays in over a year. I know its linked to PTSD.  When I think of my childhood, even memories that were happy, I feel like falling apart. 

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