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I am not really sure if these are part of 'normal', common human experience, or if it might be something else. Every now and again I get something I refer to as 'visions'.

 

They are really weird and it's so hard to explain, I hope you bear with me....

It is an overwhelming sense, like a strong memory, only it doesn't contain anything I lived through before. It is like being very invested in the story-line of a science-fiction or horror or fantasy novel, letting your self dissolve into the story.

Only in those moments, there is no story, or none that would make sense and all you're left with is this massive, sucked-in feeling of another world, another life.

They come on very sudden, out of nowhere and are specific enough for me to name them. They tend to be accompanied by images, even smells and a feeling of being lost, disoriented.

There are the lost city, the catacombs and the beginning of time, at least those are the main ones.

The lost city was born from a dream, but keeps following me with its sirens,

I'd rather not go into a description of the catacombs,

and the beginning of time holds the color blue and an ocean, things that twirl and dance, a great sense of harmony.

 

And then there is a space in between, where everything around me suddenly looks completely alien. My house, my room, just everything that surrounds me.

Foreign. Like I stumbled into the wrong life. It's uncomfortable and scary and lights around me tend to change color in that space, or outlines of things just start to go weird.

 

Not sure what to make of this. It has so many different shades to it. Moss, green, waste, ripped- apart sense of self. Hell, where all the things are soulless and horrifying.

And I never know if it's just a 'normal' thing.

Apparently it's also not common to see things behind your closed eyes???? I never knew. 

Or is something actually playing mind games with me? 

 

Can anyone relate to this, maybe? Or tell me what you think?

I don't know how to handle these things and I feel so alone with and in them. :(

 

(I also hope it's okay to put it in this section/forum... I didn't quite know where to put it... but I hope it's okay here)

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sounds like Inside

well

my experience of 

starting to see

Inside

 

and that makes no sense,

right?

 

We have an Inside...world?

place?

planet?

*shrugs*

were most of Us live

and

it's very different 

from Outside

(aka "real life")

 

that prolly makes even

less sense

 

sorry abt that

but

yes

i think We understand you

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Some of these experiences sound like a phenomenon called "derealization" which is quite common amongst people in general but not at the severity you discuss it as. As for the actual "visions," if you actually see them that is psychosis, if they are just in your mind then that sounds a bit more complicated.

I am in no way trying to give you a diagnosis I am in no way qualified to do that, just telling you there is a possibility that what you are experiencing has a name and is recognized and other people go through the same things.

A couple of times a week I get a disconnect from myself, like watching life on a TV screen rather than living it. And everything just feels off somehow it is hard to explain. It doesn't really affect me that much and goes after a few minutes so I don't really think about it too much, but it sounds like your experiences are much more distressing. I also experience hallucinations but these two things rarely coincide.

The best thing to do, in my opinion, would probably be going to a psychiatrist so they can really tell what is going on and give you tools to get rid of these experiences or make them more tolerable and less disruptive to your life.

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Do you have a diagnosis and/or on medication?

No...I don't. I do see a therapist though, to talk things through with. Hmmm... she did suggest a hospital stay a few times...

to get things checked out, and maybe help to sort myself again... because she's not allowed to diagnose or prescribe anything... it's just a bit complicated.

My mother is so strongly against it, as long as she feels I'm doing 'fine'... she thinks I'd be running away from my responsibilities and my life by checking myself in.....

and with that it's so hard to decide what to do for myself, since I'm also so scared of the idea of hospitals. 

I have an appointment on Monday though, and I will ask my therapist or try to describe these things to her...

 

Yarnandcats....I do think I understand having an inner world... separate from the outside 'reality'...

I feel like that a lot. Kind of torn.

I don't know how much our experiences correlate but... damn, I do understand things not making much sense... 

One of the side-effects of having... mind issues, I suppose. :/  

 

 

 

As for the actual "visions," if you actually see them that is psychosis, if they are just in your mind then that sounds a bit more complicated

 

The visions are taking place in my mind... even though they feel quite vivid and last a day or more... I feel like they drag me away with them... and I end up feeling... really weird.

 

But then I have instances where I see things in the ceiling... floating in the air. Like the kind I'd usually see with eyes closed.

(I think they might come from a male character in my mind... that is falling through an eternal dark space... and so he begins to see colors and things shape in the darkness... to fill it up... and sometimes I see them too...)

it's like a projected picture... with varying degrees of substance... sometimes ghostly, sometimes more vivid and colorful...

landscapes, butterflies, faces, eyes, the last one was a weird twitching and spinning voodoo-doll floating in mid-air...

and well, some other stuff. Depends. Sometimes I go days without these things, sometimes they occur daily, but then it's more like things shaking and wriggling and exploding into rainbow colors... 

 

I don't know what it is about having a name for what you go through... what it is that makes it feel calmer and safer to have one...

I guess it's knowing that you're not alone with your weird mind... because that thought is horrible... not being able to be understood or connect or talk about it...

 

Thank you for the advice, Swiilio, especially after writing this down... it just seems like a good idea to go to a psychiatrist...

because this is getting so chaotic and confusing and I feel so helpless. It's all over my head and I'd like... just something. Someone to talk, help me, anything. Ugh. Dammit. :( 

(Also, thank you for your suggestion. I've read a bit into 'derealization' and plan to do a bit more research as soon as I can focus better. )

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No...I don't. I do see a therapist though, to talk things through with. Hmmm... she did suggest a hospital stay a few times...

to get things checked out, and maybe help to sort myself again... because she's not allowed to diagnose or prescribe anything... it's just a bit complicated.

My mother is so strongly against it, as long as she feels I'm doing 'fine'... she thinks I'd be running away from my responsibilities and my life by checking myself in.....

and with that it's so hard to decide what to do for myself, since I'm also so scared of the idea of hospitals. 

I have an appointment on Monday though, and I will ask my therapist or try to describe these things to her...

 

 

I can relate to parent/s being strongly against getting help because all they see is that I'm fine.  Thing is, is that one day I wasn't fine, and then they started believing me.  Better to get help before things get worse, IMO.  I think your therapist has your best interest at heart.

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