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This illness is exhausting. I really need a genuine rest. I just got out of IP Wednesday. I OD' this will be the second time in 2 years. I am getting better, I feel the med change from Lithium to Depakote was much needed as Lithium was no longer controlling my moods. But now I am fearful new pdoc may take me off of Depakote because I have pcos. She called in a new prescription for it 5 months worth, so I guess that means she is expecting me to take it that long? who knows. I see her again in 3 weeks. I have some things I need to clarify with her. Being Bipolar is hard. Even when I was diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type, I mostly only had mood issues, I was diagnosed with Bipolar my whole adult life until a hospitalization diagnosed me with SZA-bipolar type. Even as a child I had pdocs tell me I had childhood bipolar. I guess I have to reaccept this diagnosis. Bipolar is very serious, I don't take it lightly. Many people have lost their lives to this disease. This all explains why my rapid cycling moods have been so rocky...the lithium wasn't working...I was up and about during the day and suicidal depressed at night. And guess what time I OD'....at night. How do you cope with your diagnosis, how does your mood stabilizer help you? Are all your symptoms controlled?

 

 

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Hi butterfly. I get exhausted too.

I'm glad the depakote is helping already. That's fantastic!!

I take lamictal as my primary mood stabilizer. But abilify and seroquel help too.

I also get lower mood at night. I usually just go to bed way early. Not a really good solution though.

I'm proud of you for picking up your classes again right away!!! Yay!!!

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I completely relate. I've been in and out of the hospital all year. It's now been 5 months since my last hospitalization yet I'm still walking the line. Each day I get a little further from it, but sometimes I edge toward it. It is so exhausting

 

As for coping, I just have to take it day by day, sometimes even minute by minute if I have to. A lot of what has helped me is being compliant with my meds. Lithium/Lamictal have been really great as mood stabilizers and I owe my current state to these meds. Without it, I'd still be inpatient.

 

I tend to wake up depressed rather than get more depressed at night. And the depression will taper throughout the day, but pick up again as I am trying to go back to sleep. It's a circle.

 

Currently my symptoms are not all that controlled. I'm not suicidal, but I'm still drinking and as of last week self-harming. It's a real struggle to keep going because of all of the turmoil of the last year. But as I said, day by day, minute by minute, I'm still alive.

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I'm totally hearing you on that! I'm so emotionally exhausted right now that I spend a lot of time when I'm by myself literally just sitting on the couch or lying on the floor just staring into space. Yet I'm hardly sleeping at night. It's worse at night too. I'm usually more depressed at night too as most days I'm at work so I have that to distract me. As soon as I get home though it's game over. It's at the point where I'm having suicidal ideation just out of exhaustion, I'm tired. So tired of going round and round and round. It never stops, never really gets better. I still get random manic bursts (that's what I've decided to call them) but even they are distressing me right now instead of being enjoyable :/

I hope that you do well on the depakote. Apart from what I just wrote, it has made me feel quite a bit better than I had been.

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I always found the transition from hospital to home very difficult and in your case, you've been through a particularly distressing experience.  I'm wondering if what you're feeling right now partially has to do with that.  It's hard to leave a protected environment and move back into one that physically hasn't changed.

 

Being bipolar and accepting it as part of your life is hard, and I would be surprised to hear anyone say that they've not struggled with it either constantly or at one point or another.  I've personally had a difficult year after a med cocktail that had worked for 2 years suddenly pooped out on me.  I've felt a lot of anger and resentment recently about it all, particularly when I'm counting out my pills for the week and then look at a pill box that I swear contains more meds than my 97 year old grandmother was taking before she passed away.  Katamaran is right - sometimes the only thing that you can do is take it on a day by day basis.

Edited by MiaB
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  • 3 weeks later...

It seems like I trade in my moods for being tired and not motivated.  It is real.  Some people think there is nothing wrong because I hide it pretty well; so it is not as real to them.  I told my husband that to a certain degree it is as bad as having symptoms of cancer while being treated with the drugs.  Yes, it is not cancer, but debiliatating illness nonetheless.  This illness can kill, but I refuse to let it kill me.  I am not this illness, but again it cripples me to the point where I just want to sleep...i feel my arms ache...What can make all this go away?  Drugs?  There has to be natural solutions to help.

 

Dx and Rx Bipolar II, lithium 900 mg, effexor 75 mg, klonopin 1 mg, levothroxyin 50 mcg

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Exhaustion sucks.

Getting out of IP is a huge change and can really stress you out and cause exhaustion. It did for me. When I was discharged last year after 3 weeks IP, it took a while to get back into the swing of things, to even leave the house. 

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