Really really want to cut right now

[iaawal]

I'm about to lose it. I was straightforward to a couple people and I don't think they understood it. I didn't pretend and I wasn't cheerful and my voice was monotone and I think I might have come off as rude. And my coworker just reminded me to send the attachment with an email I'll submit because yesterday I forgot it.

 

I keep messing up. The only thing keeping me from cutting is how my bf would be sad if I did. Oh god, the urge is so damn strong. I don't have anything that could keep me from cutting (e.g. alcohol, ice, rubber bands). I don't know what to do. 

[Wooster]

I hope you've made it through the toughest part of the urge.

 

Remember, there's a big fat long thread of things people have done to distract or delay pinned at the top of this forum if you run out of ideas.

[Mim]

Sorry I'm replying too late to actually help. That trapped feeling sounds shitty. And I know from personal experience that being in a bad way with none of my non-SI coping skills in reach is...uh, "hard" doesn't really cover it. It's an ugly, unpleasant state to be feeling. 

 

I hope you're doing okay right now. Like Wooster said, there's the list of distractions here, and there's chat if you have access to that. Sometimes when I'm in a real crush it can help me to draw on myself with markers. A marker is something I can just tuck into my trouser pocket and carry with me. It makes a good coping tool for me. Do you have anything like that that you might be able to pack around with you for future needs? 

[iaawal]

It eventually passed. I went out to the farmers market across my job and bought delicious coffee ($27 for two bags of coffee....yikes). I totally spaced that there's that list on this forum. Been so damn spacey today. Sometimes I wonder if people really did take my brain matter. Yikes. 

Edited October 18, 2014 by iaawal

[LesMis4]

I'm so glad it passed. I love going to our farmer's market...I'm bummed it's over for the year. Hope that coffee is yummy! Lol! Good for you for distracting yourself and riding it out! Awesome.

Edited October 19, 2014 by LesMis4

[iaawal]

Thanks LesMis.

[MellyDonut]

That's a great way to distract yourself. My friends all make fun of me for going crazy over fairs and farmers markets, especially when I don't buy anything, but I actually find it relaxing. 

 

I know some people have a box or a jar for when they want to cut and it has lists of distractions, reasons not to cut, and pictures. I know I have a document on my computer about reasons I shouldn't cut. Most of them are mild annoyances. Like how expensive it is, and how annoying they are in the shower. It's little things, but it certainly has been helpful. 

 

Anyway I'm really proud of you! And I'm going to add that to my list of things to distract myself! 

[Mim]

It eventually passed. I went out to the farmers market across my job and bought delicious coffee ($27 for two bags of coffee....yikes). I totally spaced that there's that list on this forum. Been so damn spacey today. Sometimes I wonder if people really did take my brain matter. Yikes. 

 

Nicely done! Sometimes being spacy actually sort of helps me fight off urges. If I can find something else to occupy my brain, even something small like a crossword puzzle, I space off the fact that I was urging, haha. 

 

Your coffee sounds nice. Did you go home and make yourself a cup? I'm afraid I would have gone straight home and made myself a cup, on the grounds that I deserved it for not cutting. What sort did you get?