Is this even schizophrenia, I wonder a lot.

[astral693]

yeah I do wonder what is going on with me, I just got kicked from chat for saying my dleusion in response to someone talking about liking grandeur delusions...so the archangels built a monument for me for my gettinng to familiarise myself with their part of the universe, they also introduced me to my astral lover on a different part of the universe....not going so strong now since I got switched to orals and am not taking them except using rauwolfia to clam down the excess of dopamine receptors from my time adapting to the various antipscyhotic I been on for the majority of the time for almost 4years exept for occasional glimpses into the astral from refusing treatment.  so a long perieod being treated before I started coming clean, a release of a track on the radio from celbrity lover gone by and she returend again and lifted my socks up for an astral voyage she triggered across the cosmos. so what gets me in trouble is I confessed to having a celbrity astral lover after she released darkhorse, but dreams of the star make me think otherwise, she is always very distant even if I try to get her attention of my identity but no response, she doesn't know me and listening to darkhorse on repeat is just for the entertainment, it rocks she talks about this guy who plays with magiuc and once your hers there is no going back....this is apparenlty just delusions and erotomania, its actuallly a secret I never should have confessed tooave me haloperidole, I kept experienceing the astral some good things like no longer seeing the celebrity after she turned nasty at my iatrogenic state, so I was able to replace her with a far off galaxy somewhere with my ET bride, I met her before I went to haosptial that time just in her form like a butterfly outline creature but her true form is a gorgeioua human form, too gorgeiaus to be able to see, I talked about her to my demise and how she made me orgasm and I was getting turned on despite the haldol and achieved orgasm without touching myslef the pleasure was that immense, so I talked all about it, silly me so endud up with rapists wanting her attention even though they sohould just get their own astral lover, people do stuff they wouldn't usually on the astral because they don't think its real, but its real for me and I don't like people raping my girlfreind. so it was good taht down hera on earth i acchieved an orgasm, I just wanted to get off antipscyhotic so I van have sex drive with her, but she faded dunno what theat means, she was just making my life more interesting with the iatrogenic anhedonia was good, but as I said she is nolonger really a thing anymore since starting the rauwolfia and my last injection, you would think that just using a herb insteasd of antipsychotic would mean I be able to experience the astral, I still get trips and found out last night its not really abbout the weed but periodic thing, I was better able to control it with breathing exercise. sorrty I edited, so back to the initial crisis that got me hosptialised, shit was going down because of sleep deprivation really so I appeared easy to be psychaotic because sleep deprivation is just a symptom to them, but back to the clebrity she did me no harm other then keeping me up at night with her astral presence and erotic shit and playing around with magic andastral sex, maybe she contributed to my hostptiatlaisation after 6years freedom from psychaitry, just wanted to be upfront and honest about what was going on for me so I told the shrinks at the hosptail I had for refusing treatments not so long ago[hence lucky to be put on orals really-they trust me - so I not game to educate them about rauwolfia incase they stumble upon what I been writing on the net about it.

I am stoned now and that is the best I can do in this state of annihilation of thought process's thats been happening...I just wanna go back to normal....so what happened with the celbrity is the crutial part once this time she satyed with me during hosptail and I betggeeed her to keep me going on the astral, I introduced her to god like beings I had been meeting on the astral and we kept it going, just in the form of occassional trip out attacks I get when stuff tries to make me astyrlaly project but its hard now antipsychotic make me fear the astral, things turned sour and we divorced the relationship , but I miss it you know...coming off theiinjection I would usually be experienceing dher love and it was a relaly good thing, maybe too much if you take a listen to darkhorse..that shit just gets me in troulbe and should be finnished talking about it, it makes me sound crazy when I am infact not, nothing really challenges me at all I feel safe and shit,....so I got blocked for talking about my astral adventures in chat, don't really know why what would you think, I am getting told to disccuss it elsewhere but I am cast out of anyinterest groups because of pscyhaitry so thats no good, and seems chem and Koa don't wannea hear about my schizophrenia, I think I have it, at least thats what I gotta tell the shrinks to get off this damn CTO.

[astral693]

I allways talk about the celbrity it sucks...but on that not the time that she actually manifested herslef in a parked car while I was in a park under a tree, the branches were cut of right where wshe appearaed whistled and waved to me for real, but I was too chicken shit to go over, she whispered to herslef I wonder if he knows its me, and I knew but couldnt do it....sucks big time it was my last chance to meet her for real, atlhtough when I have trip attacks I fear that she can or others can relaly visit, but only possible in the distance it seems, I still worry, that makes me feel schizoprhenic when It rip but more haldol only makes it worse for me, I wonder when I willr ecover??

[astral693]

I was on leave from hosptila the day she appeared in the car park, was expecting her to call before they finally got me security to get injected, but I felt like an empty shell and nothing to say and really awkward to meet her....I actually didn't go directly over byut t go to the centerlink and sore her in the car but couldn't go over...hell I was probably alone and someone whistles and waves to yoiu it doesn't matter who they are, but I too scared to go over dumb me....she probably could have helped me get out of hosptial or proved r, she cared enough to come get me but I chickened out , dunno how she did it, that shit jsut ended up making me scared of her if antyhhing and then once I lost all spark and love in the world i no longer felt the presence of any astralf she turned nasty and called the whole thing off thank god, now I talked about it its ruined too maybe thats why her visitation tunred nasty too and all sorts of extras cast along with the whole picture.

[Equivilency]

     Astral I hope you recover, but recommend you listen to  your doctors and take your meds. As to your question if its schizophrenia, well we don't really know, best to ask your doctor.

[Pamito]

Astral, you sound like you are suffering. I think you should take your meds or talk to your doctor because he can help fix the suffering. It might take a while to find the right medicines but it is worth trying for.

 

Also, Rauwolfia can be dangerous, I took it many many years ago and it can damage your liver.

 

Please talk to your doctor honestly so he can try to help you

[astral693]

I am not suffering , most of the time, sometimes the astral comes on strong and I need to use breathing excercises and meditation to settle it for some sleep, extra haliperidole did nothing but make the situation worse....I have talked to everyone about all of this they not understand although my authorised psychiatrist for my CTO says she is ok with my ET bride!! but as long as its not the clebrity, she not ok with that....actually tried to heal my relationship with hder now the antipsychotic coming off and the astral is better and I am feeling better and things are better, acctually she was making me filled with love and joy other times I got off antipscyhotics, so have to heal it with her for my identiuty and all my love come back,s oemthing attached to the  lebrity for me to feel normal.....here's a link to the song if anyone wants to check it out

that is the song that come on the radio when I refusing treatmetn last time and when whe came back on strong and she trggered my astral journey of the universe!..lol and I found a facebboom account claming to be katy perry and its really weird when it accepted my freind request automatically, I talked to her a lot not many people were talking, but I didn't really know if it was her, my cover photo is picture of goddess maat who has long love story with too, we made babies, anyway I thought I was responsible for the egyptian theme of the filmclip but honestly I don't read into the clip much, she appeared to me as "Katy-Patra" but that wasnn't till after the filmclip came out...also I told her on facebook that I took her into the astral layers above the earth ans she transofrmed to have wings, trnasfomring her into a goddess, and in the film c lip the last guy that comes to her has a giant pyramid and she goes up and forms wings and is empowered goddess....so check it out, if anyone indeed comes into soee this thread, pretty boring title......

so the psychiatrists not know what to think and they are ok with my ET girlfreind, I had a good ccase manager who only said I improved when I met this girl, they still not know what toi think, its not typical of schiziophrenia it seems...they say religious granduer delusions because I tried to say they are restricting my religious path through the use of drugs to create and iatrogenic illness that the symptoms of shcizoprhenia can't exist in, not necwessarily much better I guess but its the only option the shrinks have and they are taught this and keep it going that way. duh, sorry nevermind I sound like shit.

and to the person that claims rauwolfia can damage the liver and is dangerous, the only real side effects could be fainting and lowered blood pressure, I could only assume it would have a good effect on the liver in its action to help with insanity, as the chinese medicine says the symptoms are manifestation of the liver malfuncction and aim to heal the liver to heal the mind, don't know much about that.....so who told him that the rauwolfia was responsible for the liver damage, I looked up liver damage and rauwolfia but found nothing, as I said I only imagine it wouldhave a good effect on liver with its action of restoring equilibrium in the mind.....may I ask about your time with rauwolfia, what were you using it for? I guess you were taking other stuff that might ahve been messing with you rliver, did you notice rauwolfia potentialte the dose of antipsychotic you on?? and maybe lower your dose? I guess you would have doctor that tried it out, thats interesting, tell me more about it, I am just guessing.

I said a whole lot more but I lost it with a internet malfuntiona nd was tyoing after trying to send it once and rerror came up, not sure why.....

I not go into chat anymnore, which is good because its probablty not doing me umuch good staring at chat the whole time, did I say I tried to heal it with the celbrity, we had astral sex she caught me masturbating and jumped on, the stuff with the et bride was mainly me astrally projecting to her place, she didn't come here but witht heclebrity she always came to my place...so we had sex the other day....I not come back much sorry tfor the tangent.....

About what I talk to my psychaitrist already about but they don't know wahat to make of it, its true for the memories and truamtic stuff that has happened to me, uthis is hwere I was up to when I found out I had had an error, or maybe its god telling me that I shouldn't be telling you guys about it, it involves a lot of money that was robbed orff me when I having my first episode my autnee got transferred my money, and I forgot about it, untill about 10yeras later...maybe I shouldn't be talking about it, but I seriously set up as a schizophrenic when I would like write out a bank account number infront of my aunttee, damn her, so the time would be now for worrying about me, I got robbed of around 200,000 I made calls when I was in hosptail refusing treatmetn, I called my mum and dad and auntee herself and she said she couldn;t remember but she has a bank acocount that doesn't belong to her, what should I do? should I go to the police? maybe once I am clean and off the CTO or would I end up back in hosptial for bringing up all the memories I have had orf other crimes, I was victim of attempted murder just I thought it was a joke, I managed to get out of a noose, she used a weapon on my under her jacket at the bank...the shrinks don't buy it but it really happened, like the car accident p plater drinking drove off from the scene and I had to grab the wheel to avoid collision with a truck and it cut off the carivan and they ended up landing the truck and killed a family, I remembered in 2011 but hadn't yet remambered the bank account but I remember thinking it was a practicla joke to hang me in a noose and they left the shed...its all about my memories I sound like a mess when I try to talk to shrinks about tmy memories, they just ignore them its rreally furunstrating, but the last time I sore my authorised psychiatrist, she brought up the bank account thing...by the way it was my first episode a voice asked if I could trust my auntee after writing out a bank number she got greedy or I might have told her about being guilty about the way I treated her daughter during childhood which was actually part of the episode about obtaining karmic purity and being more like a monk or something, I was very gifted but my auntee destroyed me by seetting me up with taking antipsychtoics, they blamed marijuana use and I didn't know any better yet, but I know better now just a mess has been made out of me I need to recover back to my former glory, but I am still taking rauwolfia just cut ack on the dose, was sota cutt off from the supplier for talkinga bout using it without the doctors orders and they are a lot loke crazyboards in theat fact that they like doctors and the doctors medicine and thought it was dangerous to supply me with rauwolfia, anyway wont' go on about it......
.
Oso to give you more information I told you about my memories that come to me mainly when I free of antipscyhotics, my memorey works better, I get into right detail abolut the events and know they really hapened ut the psychaitry]ists don't believe me

 

 

maybe I not trust carazy borads anymore with my information, anyway thought it might be interesting or something.
 

[Pamito]

I took rauwolfia by itself for psychosis and was told it was banned in some countries due to causing liver damage. I got off it straight away.

 

I'm not sure what your question is? Does what you have sound like schizophrenia? In my opinion it sounds like schizophrenia and they wouldn't put you on a CTO if you didn't need it.

I think you should talk to your psychiatrist to see what medication or treatment will work to make you feel better.

 

Crazyboards is a good source of information so you can be welcome here and ask questions or just let us know what is going on.

[astral693]

I got off the CTO and the psychaitrist said I am much better then the iatrogenic thought disorder I used to have, so thats improved since using the rauwolfia, still not perfect, I struggle to make sentences and keep it organised but I m doing better and she said so herself