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I consider myself bisexual, but I don't really tell anyone this because I just don't think it is anyone else's business and I also fear that maybe I will be wrong about it and I am actually a lesbian or straight.  Some people in my life know though.  I am 28 years old, a virgin in all senses of the word and literally went on my first date ever three months ago.  I have honestly never really felt ready to date.  The last 10 years of my life have been mainly spent secluding myself and hiding from the world.  I have very little confidence and it's from a combination of my obesity and my insecurities.  I am a writer and have a very rich fantasy life.  I feel for the last 15 years I have lived in my head and have never really experienced real life.


When it comes to dating, I am terrified of talking with people I don't know and I am incredibly awkward.  I could go out with friends, but I can seriously only think of one friend who is not in a relationship at the moment.  He is gay, so if we were to go out with him, he'd probably want to go to a gay hang out.  While I am bisexual, I don't feel ready to date women.  I'm not ready to "stray from the norm," I guess you could say.


On my date three months ago, I really did not know what I was supposed to do.  I met the guy on a dating website and we met at a coffee place.  My awkwardness came through quickly because I admitted to the guy that if given the chance I would leave any person I was in a relationship with for Stana Katic (she's in my avatar pic) because let's face it she is effing amazing.  It isn't like I will ever have the chance to do that, but in the 0.0000001% chance it does occur I am taking it.  When I told the guy this, he ended up saying that his ex-wife left him for a woman.  Needless to say there was not a second date.


I am very sorry this is so freaking long.  I'll stop now.

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Dating isn't about doing/saying the right things, the outcome of the date and whether or not there will be a second date simply comes down to if the two of you hit it off, or felt a connection, or could relate to each other.  If there wasn't a second date, it's not because you said something "wrong" which scared him away.  It was correct to just be yourself and share things.  People have their own list of deal breakers, for him it sounds like being with a potentially bisexual woman is his deal breaker because he had a very bad experience in his own life with this.  That's just his own deal breaker, and it's ok, and it won't be the same for everyone you go out with.  I'm sure you have your own list of deal breakers, even if you haven't thought them all through, and wouldn't you want that knowledge to come out sooner than later?


The right person will simply get you, you'll be able to be yourself, say the things you say, and they will understand where you are coming from.  So really, the best advice is just to be yourself, and if there isn't a second date, then the person just wasn't the right fit.  I'm sure you can think of non-romantic relationships in your life where you and the person just get each other, you don't have to struggle to feel comfortable, you can just be yourself.  That can happen in romantic relationships too.  There's no magic formula to make this happen, it just happens with some people, and not with others.


The real secret is that you just have to put yourself in situations where you can meet and get to know people, and if there is the potential for chemistry/relating/understanding between you and another person, it will be given a chance to happen.  As for the dating part, dating is not the only way to meet potential partners or start a relationship.  I myself hate dating for the same reasons, I just feel awkward and nervous.  NONE of my relationships have been the result of dating.  Some people really ENJOY dating, and if so, that's great for them!  All of my relationships developed because I was in a social situation, maybe a circle of friends, or school, or work, or some sort of event or group, and the two of us mutually recognized our "awareness" of each other, and one or both of us started talking.  This can sometimes be a process over a few weeks or longer, which is why relationships often happen in a setting where you see a person on a continual basis (school, work, groups, etc).  The person I met who is a perfect match for me, though we can't be together because of life circumstances, I met in a bipolar support group, the last place I thought I'd meet someone!  I was definitely very nervous and awkward in the beginning, but he totally got me, and had the same kind of nervousness, he understood.


I've always found that you meet someone that you click with when you least expect it, or in a place that you are not looking.  It just happens when the timing is right.  But it won't happen if you isolate at home, you simply are ruling out the possibility! I think the best bet is to join groups that match your interests, or support groups, and you're increasing the likelihood that there will be people who will understand you.  If you see someone a few times that interests you, talk to them!  Start with small talk.  If the interest is mutual, it will just slowly develop into hanging out.  Maybe casually going to get coffee or something, and this ends up feeling more natural and not so "date-ish", so more comfortable.


It happens when it happens, but you DO have to put yourself into the right place at the right time, and then just be yourself! ;)

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I agree. There is no right or wrong. I didn't date until I met my bf (he's my first), on our first date I was awkward as hell. Some people don't mind the awkwardness. Just go with it, if you find the right person then great. Once you do, you'll know you did. You just have to be yourself. 

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