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New to the forum, who the hell am I?


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Hello fellow crazies,

I started reading the boards from frequent questions I was asking Google about my disorders. I am diagnosed with Major Depression, Generalized and Social anxiety, Adult Adhd, and past substance abuse.

I started self medicating when I was in my early teens and it grew to addiction as I got older. I'm 23 now and am regularly seeing a psychiatrist and therapist. I've been in an inpatient facility and in jail because of my addictions. Since my 5 days in the hospital in February of 2012 I have not used substances other than alcohol and the medications prescribed by the doctors.

Obviously as a young adult turning 21 a couple months after being released from the hospital. I believed that alcohol was not an issue for me and continued to drink periodically. On St Patrick's day in 2013 I went out with some girlfriends, (while on Celexa, Wellbutrin and Ibuprofen 800s for carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands) as a responsible adult I planned to just have a couple drinks and have a good time.

This was the first time I had been to a party since I left college to be locked up in the hospital. Next thing I remember waking, well somewhat waking in and out of consciousness in a police car. Then in the hospital and then being escorted out of the hospital to the drunk tank in the county jail. I was told by the state officer that I had blacked out behind the wheel and hit a house. The scariest part of the situation is that I drove almost 30 miles on the highway, in the city and on winding back country roads before passing out and crashing into the cement foundation of a house. Not to mention finding out later that although I was passed out, I some how managed to have missed a tree and an enormous pile of wood that was directly in front of the house. I saw this by later seeing the scrape of the tree on the entire drivers side of my totaled car. Being a .24 blood alcohol level I managed to not hurt anyone or myself. The whole situation still is a mystery to me because of the horrific possibilities, not to mention only remembering certain parts of the night.

Since then I have been charged with an OWI and went through probation and all of the community service, programs, etc to get let off early in February of this year.

My biggest struggles today is the roller coaster of craziness that is involved in trying to find medication that works for my issues. I'm sure most of the people in the forum would relate, I have tried 7 different anti-depressants, 4 different anti-anxiety medications and 2 different Adhd medications. I have found some support in therapy and would consider my life to be going quite well in a situational sense. I still have horrible panic attacks causing me to vomit, cry uncontrollably and not breathe.

I also have never been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but I do believe that it is a possibility and could have stemmed from my car accident because half of the time that I have to drive at night I have horrible anxiety that is amplified in bad weather driving.

Right now I am taking 40mg of Lexapro, 30mg of Adderall, and 5mg of Valium 2x day. I guess the ultimate question is, will these issues ever get better? Although I have seen improvement in my depression and attention. The anxiety attacks seem to be worse than I ever had before. But I do see an improvement in the fact that I am not anxious the entire time that I am awake and as exhausted as I used to be.

I would love to hear if anyone else has had similar situations or issues relating to mine...

I'm Veronica, I'm a 23 year old depressed, anxious, distracted addict who was miraculously saved by whatever wanted me to keep living.

Edited by Agent99
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After reading other introductions I thought it might be best to share some things about myself other than my mental diagnoses. I am a full time artist who enjoys everything that can be made into an art. Right now I work at a painting studio and help people make beautiful art. I also am a certified cosmetologist and view the hair dressing I do as an art as well. I enjoy spoiling my babies, who are felines and spending time with my boyfriend. I like to garden, sketch, and binge watch Netflix and other TV shows that I get addicted to!

Edited by Agent99
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Hi Veronica!

My issues are quite different then yours but I just wanted to say hello and that I hope you find what you need here!

You seem like an awesome girl. :)

Thanks so much! This is pretty awesome already do feel supported just by joining and being able to relate.

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Veronica, welcome to Crazyboards.  I would love to read your intro, but I can't get through big blocks of print.  If you could use the "edit" function and make some paragraph breaks, it would make it easier to read.

 

Anyway, I'm glad you're here and I hope you make friends with some of our other crazies. :)

 

olga

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Veronica, welcome to Crazyboards. I would love to read your intro, but I can't get through big blocks of print. If you could use the "edit" function and make some paragraph breaks, it would make it easier to read.

Anyway, I'm glad you're here and I hope you make friends with some of our other crazies. :)

olga

Thank you for sharing that with me Olga! I hope it is easier to read for others. Also thanks for making me feel welcome!

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Thanks for editing, Veronica.  I'm in my 60s and I just really have trouble with big blocks of print.  Now I've read it!

 

That accident was horrific.  We had a woman in our area with that same blood alcohol level who drove into a crowd of college students and killed two young women.  I don't know how she can sleep at night.  Anyway, I'm glad that a house was all you hit and that no one was hurt.

 

I know it's discouraging to keep trying meds and not finding the right combination, but I bet it's out there.  Keep trying, and I bet the right cocktail will appear at some point.

 

Good luck!

olga

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Thanks for editing, Veronica.  I'm in my 60s and I just really have trouble with big blocks of print.  Now I've read it!

 

That accident was horrific.  We had a woman in our area with that same blood alcohol level who drove into a crowd of college students and killed two young women.  I don't know how she can sleep at night.  Anyway, I'm glad that a house was all you hit and that no one was hurt.

 

I know it's discouraging to keep trying meds and not finding the right combination, but I bet it's out there.  Keep trying, and I bet the right cocktail will appear at some point.

 

Good luck!

olga

If I had hurt or killed someone, which still blows my mind today how I didn't, I cannot say that I would have been stable enough to keep myself around much longer to live. The guilt in even the possibilities of my actions lead me to not sleep at night, or have dreams/flashbacks of the drive.

I cannot imagine nor compare my feelings to how one would feel in that situation. I cannot describe what made me so lucky.

As for the cocktail, I'm just staying positive that things will calm down eventually and I will find the right cocktail!

Once again, thank you for the support/advice. I'm always open to it.

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Welcome Veronica! Our diagnoses are a little different, but I wanted to welcome you anyway! :)

Thank you Siggmin, different diagnoses doesn't mean we can't relate in some ways!

 

 

Very true! I hope you find the support you need here, I'm always willing to lend an ear!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Veronica! I'm new too but i wanted to thank you for your post. I'm glad you were not seriously injured and can definitely understand anxiety about driving at night. I think its wonderful that you are so artistic. What a positive way to channel emotions and just be peaceful. You are very courageous for getting the help that you need and for sharing your story with us. I know you will find tons of support here :)

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