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crazy impulses.... help


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Hello. I am having crazy intrusive thoughts about getting myself arrested to kind of get a break from life. I keep trying to distract myself from it but nothing seems to be working.

Please help before I do some thing ill really regret!

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I don't know how to stop them either. I do find that running sometimes helps especially since those types of intrusive thoughts usually come when I'm hypo anyway. Sometimes I just keep running around the block listening to my I pod as loud as it will go until I wear myself out enough that even if I'm still thinking about bad things, at least I'm hopefully too exhausted to do anything dumb, lol.

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Well it is another night of wanting to do something impulsive.  I either want to get admitted somewhere for my own safety or just get arrested... Why can't I be normal and not have these powerful thoughts.. :(

 

How about going to the ER ...  I don't think it is worth getting arrested when you have the ER as a choice..

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I've never wanted to get arrested, but have often thought of driving my car off the road. Not bad enough to get severly hurt, but bad enough I could take a break from life.

 

Honestly, what has prevented me from doing this is vanity. I don't want to break my nose or have scars on my face.

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Hello everyone...

 

I went to my mental health services office today and scheduled an appointment to see my nurse and see what my dr wants to do...  The only bad part is that my appt isn't until Tuesday.  I have to make it a few more days feeling like I might hurt myself.  My husband is aware of what's going on and is trying to be supportive. Even if I do end up in a psych ward, he will be there for me...

 

Thanks everyone for the support :)

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If it helps, I get strong intrusive thoughts about killing/hurting myself and other people.  What was most helpful, more so than therapy, was my pdoc telling me that it was OCD ("I'm not going to diagnose you with OCD because there is overlap, and psychiatrists have a fetish for diagnoses") and that people with OCD don't act on their intrusive thoughts.

 

I can't tell you how powerful that was for me.  It really helped with the rumination, now, I can tell myself, this is just a thought, I'm not going to do it - whereas before, I've hospitalized myself because I really thought I was going to kill myself, the urges were so strong, I can spend weeks stuck in intrusive-thought land...but it was so, so helpful.  OCD intrusive thoughts don't get acted out.  

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I think us Bipolars (sorry to be politically incorrect there) get psychologically and emotionally worn out on occasion from just being bipolar. I believe that even when we are mostly/somewhat stable on meds, if the moods still fluctuate, then all the rigmarole still goes on physiologically and is still exhausting. "needing a break form life" seems like a common theme amongst us, I too, have these strong feelings and start feeling like talking an impulsive action to just get away from myself. I also have intrusive thoughts, paranoid/self destructive thoughts that get stuck whirling in my head and it is a learned helplessness in me now that I have to get away from it all as I know (no mater what anyone says) it will always be a part of my life. Granted, I have had about 4 really GOOD months in the last 7 but there were lapses in that time, mood and ED, now I am relapsing into a mood episode and have an emergency atp with my pdoc tomorrow...

 

Though none of that is at all helpful probably, I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this

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I have hyperactive ADHD and bipolar I disorder and I fantasize about hitting people because they are so slow or when people look down on me after sharing my history.  Even other people with mental illnesses do it because my long manias end with psychosis and society still sells this dangerous and not all there deal and even experiencing it once puts me at a level that anything I say is just a manic swing.  I am very intelligent, have a masters in international relations and everything so my delusions are things that could happen and I can often compile proof to add to my delusion and make professionals and friends initially believe it because it seems realistic, so regardless of work or functionality not being seen as credible and being written off kind of sets me off.  I am fluent in 3 languages (learned via childhood immersion and sound native) and proficient in 3 others.  I interpret farsi and also tutor German grad students for work and I have travelled to Asia, the middle east, all over Europe, North Africa to interpret to groups at various climate or policy organizations.  I also try to help everyone I can because that is a gift I have, intelligence.  I can skim read through things to learn and I never forget it at all and it takes little effort for me and I get annoyed that I still get written off because of my flavor of mental illness.  I hear the ADHD doesn't exist crap often from people that get angry because I won't sell them medication.  

 

But the psychosis aspect, even to NAMI makes me a person who can get locked up for no reason.  When I get manic and people charge at me and yell, if I think they are going to attack me and feel terror because everything is so hypersensitive, I will be prone to defending myself.  I am not offensively violent but I will defend myself and I hate that being that way in that state makes me evil.  Every time there is a shooting on the news in some school or whatever, the first thing is "schizophrenia or psychotic bipolar" all over the media and not one of them had those diagnoses.  One had an autism spectrum disorder and everyone was bullied into not being allowed to mention that but every time, "psychotic bipolar or schizophrenia" is tossed out there.  More often than not it is adverse reactions to discontinuing or a bad reaction to SSRI meds.  

 

Amanda Bynes and Britney Spears losing their human rights in public was cheered on and that just bugs me because I had that happen once, my mom bled my inheritance dry and dropped it and threw me out on the street after she said, I was fine to not have a conservator.  It is the worst feeling to have that arrangement and when parents who are in some way partially responsible for triggering these crashes (child stars, being a meal ticket for their family, it seems like history repeating itself) and everyone is thrilled when this happens but they would never face that and it is a fear I deal with daily.  I fear that the media fear mongering will lead to either a civil war with the gun nuts to get them or rounding up anyone with a history of psychosis and since we are the nonpersons, I know most people would say hell yeah if it was sold as the best way to stop these situations.  I am very smart and have a lot to offer the world and if anything could trigger me to go crazy with violence, it would be a situation like that.  I can daydream or think about it but I would only act on it if I felt threatened.  I would get loud and state, if it starts with us, it will be some other group next.

 

These are my intrusive thoughts.  I would never act on them though.  Oddly when psychotic, I feel like there are eyes on me everywhere and I am more afraid to act on anything like that thank goodness.  

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I try not to 'associate' myself with the impulses. Only recently have I realized my impulses or OCD arent 'me'. Still sucks, but its far easier dealing with them.

I wish I could do that. I have a very hard time trying to do that. I don't know how to explain it, but when I'm impulsive I just straight up don't think at all and when it comes to OCD....well I just don't know how to not associate myself with it. Like I try...ughh but it's just hard.

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Intrusive thoughts are a real mess for me. I couldn't take the subway because I kept thinking "jump." At that point, I did not know what to do. My pdoc also told me it is OCD (dx with OCPD). He clearly told me that I would not act on them. When I have them, they are so intrusive I sometimes cannot focus on anything and feel like I dissociate. Medication do help, though. It's been a while I did not have these. Your post made me realize that they will somewhat go away at some point with help. I hope you got the necessary help smac84.

Edited by Eyre
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A crazy impulse that I have to really really hold back on doing is pulling the fire alarm in the building where I live.  Whenever I am waiting for a ride, it is right there next to me on the wall ... so I have to move to the other side of the wall. 

 

When I go out into the foyer before leaving the building, it is right near the doors to go out, so I almost always have everything ready and on (ie gloves) and keys in my pocket so I can go out of the main door through the outside door quickly without being there long enough to almost do it.

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