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Depression killing me slowly


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I live alone, I work at home alone, I isolate a lot.  I have depression and borderline personality disorder and anxiety.  My anxiety is off the charts lately. I am being weaned off of Paxil so I can start Brintellix.  I feel like I'm going crazy all alone in this apartment with my racing thoughts.  It takes all my energy to shower and get dressed everyday.  I have no motivation.  Does anyone have advice on how to motivate myself to make it through the day? All I do is sleep.  I do go to outpatient treatment for alcoholism three times a week and see a psychologist and a psychiatric nurse practitioner but besides those places, the grocery store is the only place I go because I don't have a car.  Times are tough right now and I seriously feel like I'm losing my mind. Ugh...thanks for letting me vent.

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I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I can empathize. My depression causes me to isolate and lose motivation. Your motivation might improve once you get off Paxil because SSRIs can sap motivation, at least they do for me. The only med that I, personally, have found that helps my motivation is Abilify. But not everyone can take Abilify due to its activation and because it can increase anxiety.

 

My advice is to try to get out of the house as much as you can even if it is only going out for a cup of coffee (decaf). Every day if it is possible. The more you isolate, the harder it becomes to get out. So it is important to go out as often as possible. Even a walk in the park is better than sitting at home mulling over your problems. When I feel this way, I have to take a "Just do it" attitude. I know I have to do it so I don't think about it and just do it. If I just do it, I don't have to drum up the motivation. That is what works for me, but different people have different ways of coping.

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As hard as it is, try to get outside to a park or at least somewhere you can feel the sun and see some critters and plants.  Even if it's only for 5 minutes a day.  If you are stuck in the house, try some restorative yoga; it's hard to do when you are anxious but I always feel better after.  My video is only 17 minutes. Keep fighting.

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My solution to this was twofold: dog, and geocaching. I was unemployed for months and found it hard to motivate myself to leave the house because that costs money (gas). The dog helped with this, but the bigger thing was an external, self-validating, recordable reason.

 

Geocaching. Google it. Basically, it's a scavenger hunt. There are almost certainly some hidden "caches" really close to you. When you find one, write your name and the date on the log inside it. Now somebody knows you left the house today. Go online and put your name on the virtual log. Now other people know you left the house today. And, on the map showing you where to go look for these things, you now have a smiley. Collect smileys. :)

 

It sounds silly, but it helped me a bit. It's something to do, doesn't take a lot of brain, gets me outside in the sun (which really does help), costs nothing but gas/bus fare at most, and it's not something I feel silly doing alone. Maybe you spend one afternoon at a park and find several. Etc.

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On the flip side, sometimes trying to make yourself get out of the house is more detrimental than helpful.

 

You're undergoing a major med change (in that you're stopping one prior to starting another) and that is taxing by itself.

 

You're making your appointments and doing the essential things you need to be doing to get better.

 

There is such a thing as pushing too much.

 

When I feel like I can't really get out and do things, I focus on watching TV, listening to music, and talking to people online - even if it's just here at CB.  If you're a reader, that would also be a great way to get out of your own head for awhile.

 

I suggest finding one motivating thing that gets you out of bed and then finding things to distract yourself with for the rest of the day.  You don't have to be social or get out - you just have to get out of your mindset.

 

Once your docs hit on something that works, it won't feel so hard anymore.

 

For what it's worth, I'm liking the concept of Brintellix a lot.  Theoretically, I think it has greater potential over the other SSRI's.

 

For the anxiety.. if it's really that bad, you could ask for some clonazepam (klonopin).  It's low-end, long-acting and doesn't have a huge addiction potential.  The BPD can make certain things hard to get, but I feel like that one could be appropriate enough for your doc for feel comfortable with.

 

Seeing that Paxil seems to have a slight-anti-anxiety component, and stopping it is making you anxious, adding an anxiety med for that doesn't seem out of line.  It won't hurt to ask.

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