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My dad makes me so mad! -Rant


HowlingWolf
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I just needed to rant some frustration out so I can then continue concentrating on my work. Thanks to anyone who reads my silly rant.

 

I cannot believe him! I'm so angry!! He always says he will do something and it never goes through then has the nerve to blame it on me! He blames me and holds grudges for things I did when I was little and things my mom did and blamed me for that too and of course denies it. Tells me all the time how I don't want him in his life. Is that a fucking excuse? I've never done anything for him to believe it. He was even first to know, other than my SO that I was pregnant. I always ask for his advice with my university and other things. I don't talk to him hardly ever, but when I do 90% of the time, I'm the one contacting him and he denies it. He denies it all and is so egotistical it pisses me off to no end. He also said he would help us with the new baby. Did he? NO! Just like when I was on excellent health insurance and he told me to drop it because he was going to put me on his and it was better. It wasn't even health insurance, it was a discount. He ended up paying the bills out of pocket since I expected it to be covered by insurance. While I appriecate that he at least took responsibility for that, I was still disappointed and right now I have no insurance, not yet since my SO is getting me on his work insurance in a couple weeks.

 

Now, my dad also says how he wants to come see the baby (the baby who he said doesn't turn out to be like me), and help, and blah blah blah. He lives out of state, so yes, it is a big deal for him to stop work to come, but he tells me things and they never happened. Not only that but I am blamed for them.

 

Now I find out this is girlfriend, who is the same age as me, who lies all the time, who does nothing but look pretty for him (doesn't take care of their house, doesn't work, doesn't go to school, when my grandmother asks what she does all day she says sleep and workout. That's her day) is now pregnant. UGH!!! And he has the odacity to say that he is a father again. Pfft. Since when did you stop? I'm also beyong jealous. She has all the help in the world. All of her family that throws themselves at her including my dad for whatever the hell she wants. So while I'm struggling to do everything by myself, my SO works 2 jobs, we have no friends or family that live close by and cannot afford daycare right now (hopefully soon though) so I do it all entirely on my own. No breaks. No me time. No time at all where there is not a baby around ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever. Not only that but a sick baby. Colic and acid reflux is a NIGHTMARE. Even when I got home from the hospital and told not to do much for 2 weeks, I was doing everything anyway. There was no one to help me, and he was awake every two hours. So I took a longer time to recover and it was brutal. So I'm jealous because she will have it so easy. Even more angry because I made a comment saying this is not a one woman job, I agree with the saying it takes a village to raise a kid, but my dad told me it is, it just takes overtime. Yet, watch... what is his girlfriend going to do? She sure as hell won't do it all by herself like I'm having to and I feel like my dad is like just suck it up, but when it is her turn I'm certain he will find an excuse as to why her situation is different. I'm jealous of my cousin for the same reason too, but no ill feelings toward her. It's just jealousy because everything has been handed to her too on a silver platter. My aunt is flying from across the country to stay with her to help. My mom wouldn't come two hours.

 

Yeah, 3 months later and my anger over all of that hasn't gone away. At least I have an amazing SO who does as much as he can to help me. Truly a gem.

 

It isn't like my dad cannot afford to come, and even though he claims he is always busy, he can easily find time. He is very high up in a company, making more money than I can probobly ever dream of, 3 new vehicles in under one year, 2 new motorcycles, both custum made and top of the line just to give an idea. He even admits to being his girlfriend's "sugar daddy." UGH. Thankfully in that area, since my mom is broke, my grandparents stepped in his place and give me everything I need and more. So for me finacnials haven't been a problem. I don't get everything I want, but I have everything I need without worry. So on that note, I'm glad. I just wish my dad wouldn't act the way he does and of course my jealousy gets the better of me, but hey, that's a normal emotion! Many people would feel that way in my shoes.

 

He isn't that way with just me. He used to tell me all the time when I grow up I'll see hwo right he is but all I see is an egotistical liar. My cousin, who I call my sister because we were raised together, is just aws upset with him as I am. She begged him to come to her high school graduation and he almost wouldn't. He refused to go to her wedding because he wasn't personally invited when she sent everyone she wanted there formal invitations. Also upset with him because of his behavior toward her mom. He didn't go to my graduation either, and I begged him personally and I'm his only kid until this new one is born. He told everyone he wouldn't go because my mom was going to be there, but he told me it was because I was being mean to him.

 

Anyway, that's the end of my rant. I'm just so angry at all of this. It's still hard for me to fathom after several years of being really close to him and it all falling apart in my teenage years and being a complete disaster now. He also tells me that depression is mind over matter but when he gets depressed its completely different. So infuriating he is.

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